Personality Type and Love Language: Advocates (INFJs)

For most Feeling personality types, the emotional filter through which they interact with the world is a defining aspect of their personality. But this doesn’t automatically make them experts in communicating or interpreting love and affection within their romantic relationships. People with this trait are susceptible to falling prey to the doubts and uncertainties that opaque communication within relationships can generate. That is why it’s helpful to have an understanding of their love language preferences.

In this article, we’re going to dive deep into how Advocates (INFJs) are likely to express their love and how they may appreciate it being shown to them in return.

How Advocates Show Love

Of all the Diplomat personality types, Advocates are the most reserved when it comes to welcoming someone into their inner sanctum. This doesn’t mean that they are closed off to intimacy, however. They know that romantic relationships offer the quintessential opportunity to create a space where their core desire for emotional connection can take root and flourish.

Their love language preferences are likely to reflect their commitment to building and sustaining this intimate and sacred space. As partners, Advocates willingly offer themselves as a steady source of psychological support, dedicate plenty of time and attention to their significant other, and are usually at the ready with words of recognition and appreciation.

Psychological Support

Showing affection comes quite naturally for many Advocates, but like most Introverts, they worry about how their expressions of love may be received. They’re likely to be considerate of their partner’s needs and preferences, and they often find that one of the best ways to show affection is to simply be there. Love, for many people with this personality type, is often expressed by offering the psychological support that helps their significant other feel heard and understood.

Advocates are among the most likely of all personality types to enjoy deep, emotionally open conversations, and their strongly empathetic nature is revealed in their willingness to take on a listening role.

It’s possible that this love language might morph into cerebral stimulation if an Advocate’s partner shifts their discussions toward more intellectual matters. This flexibility is characteristic of Advocates’ willingness to adapt to what their partner will most appreciate.

Time and Attention

All of those conversations require dedicated time and attention, something that people with this personality are generally more willing to offer to their significant other than to just anybody. They’re more likely than most Introverted, Feeling types to identify as very independent, but when romance enters the scene, they are usually happy to spend a fair amount of their free time connecting with their partner.

Recognition and Appreciation

Even though Advocates tend to express their love in more subtle ways, they are not hesitant to say those magic words as well. Chances are they’ll come right out and say “I love you” when the feeling strikes. This has a lot to do with their inclination to openly show affection to the people they care about.

They also believe that expressing gratitude is important – something that they tend to be fairly intentional with. So while they may not hand out appreciative compliments to just anyone, it’s likely that within their romantic relationships, they’ll readily call attention to everything that they value about their partner.

Sometimes their gratitude can run so strong that it may seem like they have a sense of indebtedness to their significant other, making this a particularly powerful love language for them. As they seek to express their deep appreciation, compliments may be accompanied by physical affection, thoughtful little favors, or maybe even an occasional gift.

How Advocates Receive Love

Advocates tend to be somewhat private and guarded, but within the safety of an intimate relationship, they are usually more willing to let their guard down. Receiving affection and expressions of love requires a certain level of vulnerability – something that people with this personality type recognize as necessary and deeply desire but may struggle with until they feel an absolute sense of trust with their partner.

To build that trust and maintain it, people who love Advocates can express their love by reciprocating the psychological support that their Advocate partner so willingly offers to others and through thoughtful actions that allow Advocates to feel seen and supported.

Psychological Support

People with this personality type often feel more comfortable giving emotional support because receiving it can be deeply discomforting for them. Vulnerability, it turns out, is a double-edged sword.

Even though Advocates readily encourage their partner to open up, emotionally exposing themselves can be an anxiety-riddled experience. One of the worst things that they can imagine is that they – and all their emotional baggage – become a burden for their significant other. This tends to be true even for Assertive types and is practically universal for Turbulent Advocates.

Despite their reserve and their tendency to hide their hard feelings behind a smile, people with this personality type deeply desire to be understood and accepted. When their partner offers patient psychological support based on empathy and understanding, they feel safe, validated, valued, and profoundly loved.

Thoughtful Actions

As Judging types, Advocates usually have a to-do list that’s a mile long. While getting a lot done can be energizing for them, they tend to feel like there is always more that they should be doing – causing them to feel overwhelmed and potentially increasing their risk of burnout. Their partners can show them some love not only by listening to them vent about their frustrations (see above) but also by helping ease their burdens. This might seem like a strictly practical consideration, but for people with this personality type, thoughtful actions – when done right – are likely to carry a strong emotional impact.

To truly communicate love, the trick is to pay attention, wordlessly step up to the plate, and voluntarily help out with some of their responsibilities. Clean the bathroom, for example, or take the car to get an oil change.

If you really want to stoke the flames of passion and build their trust, do these jobs according to their standards. Advocates have a tendency for perfectionism, so when someone else does the chores with their same attention to detail, they will feel seen, respected, and supported – which inevitably leads to a heightened sense of gratitude and reciprocated love.

Conclusion

For many Advocates, romantic relationships are profound, almost spiritual affairs, thanks in part to the intense emotional effort required to create the intimate closeness that they desire. They are usually quite willing to do the work – even if it pushes them past their comfort zone.

As part of this work, people with this personality type, together with their partners, would be well served to further explore the ins and outs of their unique love language preferences. It’s important to remember that this article is just a starting point and that any individual Advocate may show their love differently.

If you’re an Advocate, or if you love one, let us know in the comments below which love languages you prefer.

Further Reading

• To learn more about how Advocates thrive in relationships – as romantic partners, friends, and parents – check out our premium Advocate Guide to Relationships.
• How to Improve Relationship Communication as an Advocate (INFJ)
• Validating Your Advocate (INFJ) Partner’s Personality
• How to Ask Out an Advocate (INFJ)
• See “Different Ways to Say ‘I Love You’: Love Language and Personality Type” for a complete list of articles published in our ongoing series on personality type and love language.