Ever wonder how to get an Architect (INTJ) personality type? Maybe you know one and want to learn what makes them tick. Maybe you want to spark a romance with someone of this elusive personality type. Or, maybe you’ve got an Architect rival you want to beat.
Whatever the meaning of “get,” some people seem to give Architects special attention.
Perhaps it’s because they’re uncommon – just 2% of the population. Architects can be aloof, too, often preferring wit over warmth; not always an attractive quality, but it can certainly grant them mystique.
There’s also some truth to the saying that people want what they can’t have. Architects, being somewhat distant and private (as well as scarce), may seem unattainable. That can make them extra attractive to some people.
But who knows? Architectophilia may be in the eye of the beholder. It may even be cunning propaganda from the International Council of Architects (which these personality types won’t admit exists).
Yet the question remains, floating through some people’s minds (and their Internet searches): “How can I get an Architect?” Well, before you try to get one, it might help to know what you’re getting. Let’s explore that.
When “get” means understanding an Architect, there’s no better approach than spending time with them. Of course, we offer an amazing Premium Profile about the Architect (INTJ) personality type if you want a master sheet to figuring them out. Our free Architect profile can also give you a decent overview before you try to get closer to one of these people – which isn’t always easy.
Architects think and feel in unique and interesting ways. Keeping certain broad truths in mind when you’re around them can lead to good experiences. (There are always individual variances to discover, of course.)
The following points will help you “get” these arcane personality types.
1. They Only Respect Emotion to a Certain Degree
Architects have emotions like anyone else, but, for most of them, feelings are more like something to “deal with” than live by. They certainly like to laugh and love, but their highest values tend to be rational decision-making, technical precision, and self-control. They often prioritize these things more than some people can comfortably accept.
Some Architects understand the importance of emotional awareness toward themselves and others. They may be open to moments of empathy and expressivity. But this enhances who they are rather than defines them. These personality types rarely value courses guided primarily – or even significantly – by feelings.
In critical matters, Architects depend on their own forms of logic and may look dimly on anything else. For better or worse, they often have core motivations other than sharing or catering to feelings. They don’t intend this style to do harm, and it’s often how they make their best progress in life. It’s good to understand this before developing closeness with an Architect.
2. They Live on Ideas, Not Just Facts
It’s both a reflex and a thrill for Architects to come up with ideas, form opinions, and consider how things might – or should – be. You may hear a lot of imaginative visions when talking with them. For Architects, enthusiastically visualizing an outcome is almost as satisfying as actually accomplishing it.
So, as much as these personalities value exploring the truth of reality, they can also hold their subjective views tightly, especially if hope is attached. Ideally, they argue for their ideas but also test them out, balancing imagination with evidence. Yet Architects’ beliefs – even unproven ones – are a bigger part of who they are than many people realize.
If their ideas are attacked, Architects may firm them up in defense, narrowing their thinking. But people who respect their freedom of thought – and make it painless to explore other points of view – can share inspired conversations with Architects. Knowing an Architect’s dreams helps you know their inner soul.
3. Their Standards Aren’t as Fixed as They Seem
Because they love to evaluate everything, Architects can seem strict. All the energy they pour into figuring out what’s best might make you think they’re impossible to satisfy. But that’s not the whole picture. There’s a difference between preferring things a certain way and being completely rigid about them.
Architect personalities get a kick out of having their opinions, but it’s often just mental exercise to help them learn. They like to optimize but don’t enjoy being limited by perfectionism any more than those around them. For example, Architects might talk tough about the “perfect” pizza – but won’t necessarily refuse other kinds. Their idealistic words frequently give way to realistic choices.
So, satisfying an Architect doesn’t always mean satisfying an exacting standard. Any healthy social interaction (or relationship) is a matter of balancing each person’s individual wants and needs. When Architects get enough of what they want, they will accept the acceptable. (A choice between “good enough or nothing” can help spur their pragmatism.)
So, You Want an Architect, Eh?
What if you find yourself falling for an Architect? Happy, healthy romantic relationships can flourish between any personality types, each combination having its own special rewards. Some people may be especially attracted to certain personalities.
And according to our community, a taste for Architects is a thing. (Some might also say that Architects are like onions – they have many layers and some of the more intense ones might make you cry.)
Joking aside, there are ways that you can maximize the romantic potential with people of this personality type. Nothing’s guaranteed, but we’ve got some tips to improve your chances of hitting it off when you meet an Architect – or getting closer with one you’re already fond of.
Let’s continue our points.
1. Be Your Own Awesomeness
These personality types respect capability and achievement. Architects are also intrigued by interesting things that they’re unfamiliar with. Sometimes, impressing them is just about being your best self and doing something well. Of course, if you’re good at things they admire, all the better – especially if you’re magnanimous about it.
Note that this doesn’t just mean talking about what you can do, though that’s a totally okay and natural impulse when you’re skilled. It’s just that you might risk starting a mutual bragging session as they try to match you with their own accomplishments. But if you demonstrate excellence in your own undeniable way, you might gain their respect – and attention.
2. Present Distinct Social Offers
Despite having sharp preferences, Architects often hesitate to take the lead in social planning, including dates. Some of them can be quite reluctant, in fact. Coordinating their own desires with someone else’s takes a fair bit of empathetic awareness and compromise – not usually their thing. Plus, they’re Introverted, right?
So, if you want to go out with an Architect, be prepared to ask them out (and not just the first time). To make a yes more likely, offer a clear idea of what they can expect and try to stick to it. If you get a no, clarify whether they’re just not into what’s been suggested. And, after a few dates, feel free to let them know when it’s their turn to plan something.
3. Take a Walk on Their Weird Side
Architects often get oddly deep into whatever they like. To get closer to one, consider taking a safari into the wilds of their imagination. You can adapt how you do this based on your interests and personality traits. An animated conversation might be a fun way to start something good. You might not even need to know much, because Architects enjoy explaining what they like – in great detail.
Once things get going, you might escalate to an experience involving their interests. This could be passive, like going somewhere to see something, or a more active pursuit together. Oh, and consider yourself warned: Architect humor can be dark. For example, if their taste runs toward things like movies or comics, keep in mind that they’re just appreciating fiction.
4. Warm Things Up
Architects are famously unromantic compared to some personality types. But while they don’t always think in terms of tender gestures, such expressions do affect them (especially the more sensitive Turbulent Architects). These types may see some romantic symbols as superficial, yet they do care about underlying meanings – both given and received.
Don’t overdo it, though, as that can pressure them in an uncomfortable direction. But anything that has a core benefit will likely be appreciated, even if it’s clothed in commonplace romantic symbolism. For example, Architects might roll their eyes at the idea of a candlelight dinner but still enjoy such a peaceful, soothing, delicious experience.
5. Mirror Their Affection Style
Architect personalities don’t always show their love by the same manner and method that most people do – or that mainstream culture popularizes. One way to help love grow with an Architect is to identify how they give affection and return it in a way they will recognize and value. Is it taking care of a problem? Is it sharing a fun time together? Is it something else…?
Chances are, your Architect will show care for you in roughly the same manner they themselves desire – although this might sometimes be mixed with trying to do what they think they should. But overall, you can probably see what their natural way of showing love is if you pay attention. Then, just offer it back to them. But keep the next point in mind, as well.
6. Make Your Needs Known Clearly
Your needs might not be the same as an Architect’s – but they’re no less important. Relative to most personality types, Architects aren’t very well attuned to other people’s needs and feelings. You’ll probably have to speak up about yours. If there’s a mutual spark, they’ll care about what you want – they just might need a little help understanding it.
Architects are sensitive to change, so it’s best to communicate your needs early in the relationship. Besides, if they can give you what you want, why wait to get it? “But how?” you might ask? Plain words. Not hinting, like, “I think it’s nice to hold hands,” but more direct, like, “I want to hold your hand.” Say what you want. They’ll either do it or not, but they need to know.
7. Brace Yourself for Bumps
Architect personalities often lack social awareness. Their behavior may come off as rude when they don’t mean to be, which can make for a rocky start to togetherness. Before you take anything too personally, though, consider talking about it and giving them a chance to correct it. For these personality types, inconsiderateness can easily be accidental.
Fully appreciating an Architect’s company usually requires acknowledging the difference between intent and effect. It helps if you can put these things into context and address them separately. Also, to put it bluntly (as an Architect might), if you don’t enjoy how Architects behave, they may not be your type after all. You order spicy, you get spicy.
8. Understand Their Independence
Architects tend to insulate some aspects of their lives. You may occupy a lofty place in their heart and mind, but they’ll have their own space too. And this doesn’t always mean solitude. They may have other personal ties and find integrating different social elements together difficult and stressful. Architects might need some time to adjust when you enter their life.
Their need for autonomy isn’t just social, either. For Architects to be happy, there needs to be an untouched part of their mind where they are completely free. For those close to Architects, it can be tough to balance wanting them to be more open and honoring their mental and emotional privacy.
But, that’s part of being with an Architect – some doors can be opened with the right key, some are barred from inside, preserving (appropriately) sovereign territory.
Architects’ Achilles’ Heel: How to De-feet an INTJ
In the introduction, we mentioned “getting” Architects in an adversarial context.
You know, like tripping them up, knocking their feet out from under them, laying traps for them to step in, kicking their butts, etc. Okay, we know foot-themed dad jokes might be toeing the line, so we’ll save the rest for a podcast. (We’re stepping into facetious territory now, folks.)
If you have an Architect enemy, you might be looking for an advantage against them. We don’t condone conflict, yet just as our research shows how to achieve understanding and closeness with this personality type, so does it reveal their weaknesses.
One way to beat an Architect is to outdo them on their own terms. You can match wits with them by finding facts that undermine their assertions and pointing out any flaws in their logic. But not only is this exhausting, it may win only a single battle, not the war overall. (Plus, they might enjoy all that arguing.)
Taking on an Architect might be risky, because as detached as these personalities are, one thing that will get their full attention on you is attacking them.
Their Introversion means that they keep their plans secret. Their Intuitive personality trait helps them devise otherworldly tactics. Their Thinking trait makes it unlikely that compassion will save you. And with their Judging trait, they’ll fight determinedly.
In fact, it might be best to take the advice in the sections above. Architects can make amazing friends, so don’t miss the truly rare opportunity to befriend one. But if you’re hell-bent on destruction, we’ll tell you the secret to truly getting an Architect. (We trust that you’ll never use this information for evil purposes.)
You see, the one thing that no Architect will ever admit, that can lead to their complete annihilation, is [SECTION REDACTED BY ORDER OF THE INTERNATIONAL COUNCIL OF ARCHITECTS].
What’s your story of trying to get close to an Architect, and how did it go? Let us know in the comments below!
- Know an Introverted, Thinking person who struggles with romance? We’ve got 7 suggestions to make romance better. (But feel free to send that link to anyone who’s looking for love.)
- Did you know that our members’ Academy has awesome (and easy) tools to help your love life, like our Romance Type Guesser and Intertype Test? They’re just two more reasons to join today and see what you’ve been missing.
- Sometimes getting closer to people doesn’t mean romance – friendships are golden. Our articles about making friends as an Introvert and making friendships better using personality typing can really get your social life moving.