So You’re Dating a Logician (INTP)

What’s it like to go out with a Logician (INTP)? Well, we can tell you this much: it’s not like dating someone with any other personality type. That’s because most Logicians have an unconventional streak a mile wide. They don’t believe in doing things just because “that’s what everyone does” – so you probably won’t find them adhering to traditional dating etiquette when it comes to asking you out, planning dates, or observing Valentine’s Day and anniversaries.

From the outside, you might think that many Logicians don’t care all that much about romance. But you’d be mistaken. Logicians might not be lining up to buy roses and teddy bears on Valentine’s Day, and they certainly aren’t smooth talkers who can woo you with perfectly wrought declarations of affection – but people with this personality type do fall in love, and they do care deeply. They just approach dating and romance like they do everything else: uniquely. And, quite frankly, we at 16Personalities wouldn’t want it any other way.

In that spirit, here are a couple of things you might want to keep in mind if you’re dating a Logician.

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Logicians Find Falling in Love a Little Scary

Fun fact: 76% of Logicians say that falling in love scares them.

“FALLING IN LOVE” SURVEY

Some personality types are all about falling in love. They throw themselves into relationships with abandon, basking in the warm glow of romance without worrying too much about the cold, cold specter of rejection.

Logicians are not one of those types.

Offbeat and inventive, most Logicians are used to not quite fitting in with the rest of the world. Even if they’ve generally made peace with feeling different, entering into a relationship can bring up all kinds of new worries and vulnerabilities about being misunderstood: What if I show my full, unique self to someone I care about…and they still don’t get me?

This might explain why only 29% of Logicians say they feel more relaxed and calm overall when they’re falling in love with someone – less than any other personality type.

Advice: Don’t Push

If you’re someone who relishes falling in love, you might find it hard to relate when your Logician partner doesn’t seem to feel the same way. They may seem reluctant to define the relationship or to say they love you, which can make you question how committed they really are. In these moments, remember that your Logician may be struggling with some fear or misgivings – even if they care about you and are excited to be with you. It’s totally reasonable for you to want to know how they feel, but try not to push for labels in the early days, when Logicians are still becoming comfortable with the prospect of opening up to a new relationship.

Logicians Can Be Indecisive

Fun fact: 92% of Logicians say they mostly listen to their head rather than their heart when making important choices.

“HEAD VS. HEART” SURVEY

If Logicians had one of those Valentine’s Day conversation hearts drawn up specifically for their personality type, it would say something like: “UR PLAGUED BY DOUBT.” Logicians have a tendency to overthink…well, pretty much everything. Even a simple decision like where to go out for dinner can become a mental battle for them as they consider – and find it hard to let go of – all the good possibilities.

Here’s where that can get tricky in a relationship. You might text your Logician partner to ask where they want to go to dinner tonight. Or you might ask them to make a far more significant decision, like how they want to go about meeting your parents. And then…radio silence. You’re waiting for your Logician to make a decision, but they either keep quiet or keep putting you off.

From the outside, it might seem as if they’re not taking the situation seriously, but the reality may just be that your Logician partner is taking the situation way, way too seriously and getting caught in the trap of analysis paralysis. Once you understand this trait, it can be endearing – after all, would someone with any other personality type spend half an hour weighing the pros and cons of which sushi restaurant to take you to? But, at times, you may still find it difficult to remember that Logicians generally aren’t indecisive because they don’t care but, rather, because they care so much.

Advice: Minimize Decisions

For someone with the Logician personality type, every choice that they have to make has the potential to be overwhelming. When it comes to minor matters, consider making suggestions (How about we get sushi tonight?) rather than asking more open-ended questions (Where should we get dinner tonight?). That way, your partner will have more mental bandwidth for the big stuff. In the meantime, try to remember that Logicians put off decisions because they’re trying to make the right choice – not because they’re indifferent.

What Do You Think?

So, Logicians and the people who love them – does this sound anything like your dating experience? What advice do you have for people who are dating someone with this personality type? Tell us in the comments below!

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CrazyIsTheBest

Logician (INTP-A)

I once tried to buy flowers for a girl I liked. I told myself, 'Let's try it; for most people, it somewhat works even though it does not make any sense, so let's try it and see what happens.' It was totally one of the worst things I've done. Not only was picking the right flower a big problem by itself, but actually handing it over was a disaster and the most awkward situation I've ever been in. When I give something to someone, I have to have a good feeling about doing so, and it has to be just right. Mainstream gifts like flowers are not it. I almost felt bad for it. A gift needs to have a point. It needs to have a story, function, or deep meaning. The flowers would be a great gift if there was something more to it, like matching nicknames or referencing a funny history you are pointing out. But giving roses just for the sake of giving roses makes me almost feel angry, disappointed, and I would even lose my lunch if it weren't so good. I struggle a lot with gifts. They have to be perfect, and the way you give them has to be perfect too because the gift itself is just half of it always. The gifting is the other half. Sorry if I drifted a little bit from the article, but it felt like the right place to share this thought.

Gingerfire

This is crazy accurate. If you find yourself dating a Logician and especially if you're a relatively happy-go-lucky person, please please PLEASE tell them they don't need to overthink stuff. They'll appreciate it, I guarantee you that. Also, give them mental stimulation. Let them know that you care about the stuff they care about. That'll touch them in a way you probably can't guess.

Kaiman

Bro, this is it. It's an instant comfort for me to hear those words because I know I'm overthinking, but there's no guarantee that those thoughts won't happen. Once someone reassures me, the worries go away almost immediately.