So You’re Dating a Mediator (INFP)

Laura’s avatar

What’s it like to go out with a Mediator (INFP)? This dreamy, creative personality type is known for being kindhearted, caring, agreeable, and fairly unassuming. But make no mistake: Mediators have a lot going on beneath the surface, and this article will give you a few glimpses into what that beneath-the-surface stuff might mean for your romantic relationship.

Now, let’s be clear: every Mediator is unique. This is the personality type of William Shakespeare and Alicia Keys, Fox Mulder and Anne of Green Gables. That said, people with the Mediator personality type do tend to share certain traits and desires that shape their love lives, including the following.

Mediators Want to See the Best in You – But That Isn’t Always a Good Thing

Compassionate and idealistic to the core, Mediators want to believe that human nature is essentially good, and they try to see the best in everyone. This is especially true of the people they date. Chances are your Mediator is constantly looking for evidence that you share their most cherished values, such as tolerance, kindness, fairness, and idealism.

A Mediator (INFP) personality type holding a potted houseplant.

In many ways, this is a wonderful quality. These personalities have a rare talent for helping other people recognize their own goodness. And wouldn’t you rather go out with someone who focuses on your unique gifts rather than your flaws?

That said, Mediators’ selective vision can pose some issues. You might sometimes have an uneasy feeling that your Mediator doesn’t really see you for who you are or that they’re too quick to dismiss potential compatibility concerns. Another issue is that Mediators almost inevitably end up feeling disillusioned when the real you doesn’t match up with the idealized vision that they’ve created in their minds – but they may have trouble talking about this because they don’t want to hurt your feelings. The good news? Mediators tend to be fairly self-aware, which can help them revise their expectations and spot unhelpful patterns in their own thinking and behavior.

Mediators Can Be More Self-Conscious Than They Let On

With their vibrant imaginations and quiet passion, Mediators have a certain mystique. Because they tend to concern themselves with lofty goals and ideas, it’s easy to assume that they don’t care about mundane things, such as their appearance or what other people think of them.

This is far from the truth. Even though Mediators try not to judge other people based on how they look, they’re among the personality types that feel most insecure about their appearance. And even though Mediators pride themselves on their independence and uniqueness, they can feel quite vulnerable or unsettled when they believe that someone dislikes them.

To learn more about what makes Mediator personality types tick, including their romantic preferences, check out our full-length Premium Profile.

As you get to know your Mediator better, you might discover that they’re a bit more insecure than you initially realized. Rather than get annoyed when they agonize over their hair or fret about whether your family likes them, try to be a compassionate, nonjudgmental listener. Sure, it might be nice if Mediators didn’t get self-conscious about the little stuff, but for better or worse, this is a personality type that cares, and cares deeply. They care about you, the people around you, and making the world a better place – and yes, they sometimes care about whether you really like their outfit or you’re just saying that.

What Do You Think?

Have you ever dated a Mediator? What advice or insights do you have for other readers who are going out with someone who has this personality type? Tell us in the comments!

Further Reading