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Romance

So You’re Dating a Logician (INTP)

Laura33 comments
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What’s it like to go out with a Logician (INTP)? Well, we can tell you this much: it’s not like dating someone with any other personality type. That’s because most Logicians have an unconventional streak a mile wide. They don’t believe in doing things just because “that’s what everyone does” – so you probably won’t find them adhering to traditional dating etiquette when it comes to asking you out, planning dates, or observing Valentine’s Day and anniversaries.

From the outside, you might think that many Logicians don’t care all that much about romance. But you’d be mistaken. Logicians might not be lining up to buy roses and teddy bears on Valentine’s Day, and they certainly aren’t smooth talkers who can woo you with perfectly wrought declarations of affection – but people with this personality type do fall in love, and they do care deeply. They just approach dating and romance like they do everything else: uniquely. And, quite frankly, we at 16Personalities wouldn’t want it any other way.

In that spirit, here are a couple of things you might want to keep in mind if you’re dating a Logician.

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Logicians Find Falling in Love a Little Scary

Fun fact: 76% of Logicians say that falling in love scares them.

Some personality types are all about falling in love. They throw themselves into relationships with abandon, basking in the warm glow of romance without worrying too much about the cold, cold specter of rejection.

Logicians are not one of those types.

Offbeat and inventive, most Logicians are used to not quite fitting in with the rest of the world. Even if they’ve generally made peace with feeling different, entering into a relationship can bring up all kinds of new worries and vulnerabilities about being misunderstood: What if I show my full, unique self to someone I care about…and they still don’t get me?

This might explain why only 29% of Logicians say they feel more relaxed and calm overall when they’re falling in love with someone – less than any other personality type.

Advice: Don’t Push

If you’re someone who relishes falling in love, you might find it hard to relate when your Logician partner doesn’t seem to feel the same way. They may seem reluctant to define the relationship or to say they love you, which can make you question how committed they really are. In these moments, remember that your Logician may be struggling with some fear or misgivings – even if they care about you and are excited to be with you. It’s totally reasonable for you to want to know how they feel, but try not to push for labels in the early days, when Logicians are still becoming comfortable with the prospect of opening up to a new relationship.

Logicians Can Be Indecisive

Fun fact: 92% of Logicians say they mostly listen to their head rather than their heart when making important choices.

If Logicians had one of those Valentine’s Day conversation hearts drawn up specifically for their personality type, it would say something like: “UR PLAGUED BY DOUBT.” Logicians have a tendency to overthink…well, pretty much everything. Even a simple decision like where to go out for dinner can become a mental battle for them as they consider – and find it hard to let go of – all the good possibilities.

Here’s where that can get tricky in a relationship. You might text your Logician partner to ask where they want to go to dinner tonight. Or you might ask them to make a far more significant decision, like how they want to go about meeting your parents. And then…radio silence. You’re waiting for your Logician to make a decision, but they either keep quiet or keep putting you off.

From the outside, it might seem as if they’re not taking the situation seriously, but the reality may just be that your Logician partner is taking the situation way, way too seriously and getting caught in the trap of analysis paralysis. Once you understand this trait, it can be endearing – after all, would someone with any other personality type spend half an hour weighing the pros and cons of which sushi restaurant to take you to? But, at times, you may still find it difficult to remember that Logicians generally aren’t indecisive because they don’t care but, rather, because they care so much.

Advice: Minimize Decisions

For someone with the Logician personality type, every choice that they have to make has the potential to be overwhelming. When it comes to minor matters, consider making suggestions (How about we get sushi tonight?) rather than asking more open-ended questions (Where should we get dinner tonight?). That way, your partner will have more mental bandwidth for the big stuff. In the meantime, try to remember that Logicians put off decisions because they’re trying to make the right choice – not because they’re indifferent.

What Do You Think?

So, Logicians and the people who love them – does this sound anything like your dating experience? What advice do you have for people who are dating someone with this personality type? Tell us in the comments below!

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Viewing 1-5 of 23
INTP avatar
the falling in love fear describes me. how will i see the red flags? will they hate me? do they really love me? am i worth their time? What if I show my full, unique self to someone I care about…and they still don’t get me? this is a big one. we often fail to understand our selves. UR PLAGUED BY DOUBT this translates to, your doubting stems from anxiety. we care about you and it is harming you. we dont want you to be hurt. ACCEPT THIS HONEST REMINDER THAT WE LOVE YOU. it actually takes me 2 hour to decide about dinner. something healthy or no? is it good? will it help you? but yh...
INTP avatar
To all those who read this: please make the first move. When it comes to relationships and maybe this is the same for other INTP's I am as outgoing as a stereotypical INFP I do absolutely nothing and wait for them to make the first move even if I am heavily convinced that they like me. I wait and wait until I practically hear the words I like you before making a move. When it says that they don't just jump into love. YES 100% true, please make the first move. It helps us a lot about worrying whether you like us or not. It stops turning it from a mental crisis and into something a lot easier. Thank you for considering this.
ISFP avatar
this is so funny to me. i have a crush on an INTP and i think he likes me too. i'm trying to figure out how to make this happen.
INTP avatar
For me (intp-a) the need for taking some time alone to myself is crucial almost as breathing. As when we sleep our brain is cleaning out and reinvigorating, lonetime somehow helps me clear the mind and release accumulated stress. Intps really, I mean REALLY appreciate people that understand that and doesn't make them feel guilty or at fault for needing this time alone or use this as an excuse for some manipulative behavior. Every people has needs I think its fair to have this one for ourselves.
INTP avatar
My advice on dating (for) INTPs? Don't. ...but if you insist, then i would start as friends and allow yourselves to grow closer organically. Don't try to force it if there's nothing there, and don't be too clingy. The last thing you want (hopefully) is to traumatize them by reinforcing unhealthy behavior patterns they have picked up throughout their life, as this WILL sabotage their future prospects. INTPs may need a LOT of time growing into a relationship (with feeling types). A healthy INTP can probably get along with just about anyone, but their partner might suffer and feel neglected, depending on how high maintenance they are, emotionally. However, INTPs are like emotional sponges, and chances are that if you're miserable, they are too, so don't be afraid to break up if you're having a bad time: Mature individuals should not view breaking up as inherently negative. At the end of the day, the most important thing you can give them is space. ...and if you're an INTP reading this: Show your empathy. Even if it's done in a clumsy and unrefined manner, it is important to demonstrate that the stereotype of the emotionally indifferent "nerd" is categorically false, because this is the single largest source of misunderstandings, especially with feeling types. If you're bad with words, use physical touch, body language or facial expressions - literally anything else than talking - to convey your emotions/intent. Hugs are especially great; it's so effective i wish i could hug random people on the street. Also, being vulnerable is a lot more attractive than you might think ;)
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
Oh, how I wish I could tell the people around me to stop asking me open-ended questions. Whenever they ask me such a question as, "What do you want for dinner?," I am going to start thinking about price range, about what type of food you would prefer, about distance, about taste, if I should ask to go to a romantic location or if you would prefer something more casual, and then I start to spiral down the rabbit hole. If someone asks me something specific like do you want sushi, I would feel a lot more comfortable answering the question. It's not like I have much of a preference anyways. As long as I am with them, I think it doesn't really matter and I'm open to trying different choices.