Forgive me for writing a grumpy Christmas article, but in 2020, I doubt I’m the only one who needs to vent a little. Some aspects of this holiday season turn me from an Architect (INTJ) into a Snarkitect. I’ll risk getting myself on the naughty list by doing some griping, and I’ll explain why certain personality types might agree with me. Don’t get me wrong – I love Christmas overall, but also, ugh.
Won’t you join me? The stress relief of complaining is underrated, and besides, I’m only half-serious here. (I’ll let you guess which half.) Plus, you can chime in, too, in the comments! Here are 16 things that hum-bug me – and certain other personalities – about the holidays.
1. Holiday Marketing
Okay, this one’s personal, but I’d like to know what my fellow Architects (INTJs) think. Ads during the holidays are offensive to me. They try to convince people to buy, buy, buy, regardless of the real-world impacts. Greed, guilt, shoddy junk, debt – is measuring love with material things a tradition that we can be done with, please? (Not saying I’m against gifts, though. I love giving and receiving them!)
One breed of holiday ad in particular makes me want to angrily face-palm (and I don’t mean myself) – the ones that claim that a new [insert luxury car brand here] is the ultimate gift. Really? With that depreciation? Give me a break. Everyone knows that true love is monthly contributions to an investment account.
2. Obligatory Gifting
No one really likes the holiday rule that you must give everyone gifts, no matter what. Being freedom-loving and whimsical in their own way, I think Logicians (INTPs) might find uninspired, mechanical obligation especially suffocating. Obeying a tradition may be at odds with their sense of creativity – if they’re honest, I bet they’d rather skip it than give a boring gift.
Personally, I would rather not receive a gift given from obligation. But on the other hand, a card works for me – knowing someone took a moment to say something nice feels great. Or a beer. Doesn’t even have to be in a bottle. Cans are fine with me. I’m easy.
3. Ungratefulness
Blunt and analytical, Commanders (ENTJs) might react poorly to entitled expectations of glamour during the holidays. These personality types have a rational kind of pragmatism about material possessions and circumstances. I can see them taking a practical approach to the holidays and criticizing those who don’t understand their unadorned logic. It’s not that they don’t appreciate material things – it’s that they recognize value in specific, relatively unsentimental ways.
As someone who often gives utilitarian gifts, I can relate to that. Doesn’t everyone like socks? (“What do you mean, ‘just a pair of socks’? They’re the kind people wear to summit Everest!”)
4. Not Getting What You Asked For
There’s a fine line between being ungrateful and just being disappointed, but let’s be honest – it’s no fun to get a lame present, especially if what you wanted was reasonable and known to others. Debaters (ENTPs) are open-minded, but they can also have unabashedly strong preferences, so I imagine that not getting the gift they expected could be especially annoying to them.
On the flip side, they’ll have few compunctions about returning a gift, so just make sure that they have a receipt and it’ll all be okay.
5. Temporary Charity
I don’t mean to shame anyone for seasonal giving (anything we can do to help is awesome!), but a part of me grits my teeth at how charitable activism spikes during the warmth of the holidays and then fades…conveniently. Seems inefficient to me, to say the least.
I think it might bother Advocates (INFJs) a lot as well, if perhaps for subtly different reasons. The way these personalities care for others tends to be relatively stable and enduring, and knowing that human need is less addressed year-round than it is during the holidays might frustrate their moral convictions. Most Advocates value structured dedication, something I’ll gladly toast to.
6. Shopping Stress
Mediators (INFPs) aren’t known for being super organized, and when it comes to getting all their holiday shopping done on time, their sometimes haphazard ways can heighten the stress. Making a list and checking it twice isn’t a typical approach for these personality types, who often hop from idea to idea only to realize late in the game that they missed a step.
No shade, though, because that’s exactly how I am if I get nudged off my own shopping schedule by fate – or just procrastinate till the last minute. I am, at times, a Mediator in spirit, and quite happily so. (Also, I didn’t get you a gift in time, sorry!)
7. Show-Offs
Protagonists (ENFJs) are among the personality types most known for expressing authentic warmth and valuing a sense of community with others – something that is much vaunted during the holidays. People who seem to be more about preening or getting attention than kindly connecting with others might get on Protagonists’ nerves. Using the trappings of warm holiday traditions to show off might seem especially questionable.
I certainly find insincere cheer and self-important displays grating, especially when they have a sugar-and-spice coating. Someone’s decorations and gifts might be the biggest and the best, but there isn’t a cinnamon-scented pine-cone wreath big enough to cover a black soul.
8. Lack of Holiday Diversity
Campaigners (ENFPs) are not only famous for being people people but they also love variety and exploration. It’s not hard to imagine that they’d be a little weary of the dominance of the most culturally popular holiday traditions. These personalities love the idea of all great things being celebrated equally. Some of them are probably eyeing me right now for writing a Christmas article.
I celebrate Christmas, but I’d love to be invited into someone else’s holiday tradition to learn about and appreciate it – and eat their food, of course.
9. Early Christmas Music
Few personality types can match Logisticians (ISTJs) when it comes to their firm sense of what’s correct. Christmas music being played way too far in advance of Christmas is just the sort of thing they might find improper and irritating. “Everything in its place” might be their motto, including rules to prevent anyone (or, at least, businesses) from playing Christmas tunes anytime before December.
This made it on the list because so many people complain about it, but personally, I start Christmas right after Halloween. Tree decorated and, yes, Christmas music. (Your slings and arrows are welcome in the comments below.)
10. Worrying about Getting People the Right Gift
Defenders (ISFJs) are among the personality types most sincerely concerned about creating harmony with other people. They aren’t always forward with others, but they try to express positivity and seek the same in return. And with their Judging trait, they like to get everything juuust right. Gifts are no exception, and they may put a lot of effort into deciding what to give – so much so that it becomes a source of stress.
I’m not as sweet as a Defender, but giving a perfect gift is very satisfying. It’s hard to tell when you’ve hit the target, though, if people try to spare your feelings. Pfft, silly people, I’m an Architect – accuracy comes before feelings.
11. Stretching Your Money
When you want to give holiday gifts or celebrate, a likely barrier you may run into is your financial limit. You only have so much money. Master organizers that they are, Executives (ESTJs) are suited to budgeting. But this doesn’t make cutbacks any more pleasant for them, especially when they have a vision of how the holidays should be.
I find this one especially frustrating when trying to buy gifts. The more people I want to give gifts to, the less awesomely I can give to each of them. Perhaps it would be easier not to have human relationships.
12. Trying to Organize Everyone
Consuls (ESFJs) often find themselves in charge (or taking charge) of events, but holiday planning can be tough with many people and schedules involved. There are a lot of factors, especially if you’re trying to keep everyone happy – compromises aren’t always easy. I can imagine Consuls getting frustrated by trying to bring order to holiday chaos, yet I also imagine that for them, it’s worth it.
Not for me, though. I’ve planned family events a few times, and it’s exhausting. Now, I’m like, “Here’s what’s happening – join if you want to.” (To be honest, with COVID right now, it’s more like, “I’m staying home. See you some other time.”)
13. Crowded Stores
We Introverts might be on a first-name basis with local delivery drivers, taking full advantage of online resources – especially during the holidays. But it’s hard to avoid going to the store for something, at some point, and I think Virtuosos (ISTPs) might dislike crowds even more than I do. They don’t like to wait when they want something, and social connections and niceties aren’t usually a big priority for them.
Personality type theory is the only thing that gets me through the long lines. Guessing someone’s type is a great way to distract the mind and reduce the impulse to scream.
14. Holiday Traffic
Adventurers (ISFPs) may enjoy many aspects of the holidays, but with their love of novelty, routine hassles like driving and dealing with traffic congestion might seem like horrible chores standing in the way of their fun. They’d much rather be engaged in the end goal than trying to get there – and they may get impatient.
I try to share the road respectfully, but I think people who don’t use their turn signals deserve lumps of coal in their…stockings. That’s all I’ll say.
15. Tedious Holiday Gatherings
Holiday socializing can be fun, and Entrepreneurs (ESTPs) tend to enjoy sharing excitement with friends and family. But sometimes one can only take so much of certain people or surroundings before it starts to feel stale, like going through the motions of enjoyment more than truly enjoying it. Unfortunately, social conventions don’t always allow us to escape (or decline) without causing problems, and that could easily make energetic, adventure-seeking Entrepreneurs feel trapped.
As an Introvert, my version of that is more like desperately needing a breath of fresh air and a moment to myself. And by a moment, I mean a week.
16. People Who Don’t Like to Celebrate
Individual Entertainers (ESFPs) may have different tastes when it comes to how or whether they observe the holidays, but no personality type is fonder of celebrations. So people who tend to be grumpy and antisocial during joyful holidays might vex these personalities, who only want to share and spread cheer. For them, it might feel like they’re prying at a stump, which might distract them from their own fun.
I apologize to you, dear Entertainers, on behalf of my fellow stumps. We love your spirit, but there’s only so much celebrating we can handle before it turns us grinchy. Kind of like eggnog – a cup or two might make you smile, but a gallon makes you throw up.
Conclusion
So, which of the above gripes do you relate to most, based on your personality type? I invite you to vent, guilt free. Disliking some things about the holidays doesn’t mean that we don’t like celebrating them, you know. I find lots of ways to make Christmas feel magical and joyful, and whatever holidays you do or don’t celebrate, I hope you have a very merry season. Oh, and thank you for the gift, by the way! I’ll treasure it. What gift, you say? Why, reading this article, of course. It’s just what I wanted! I’d hug you, but you know, COVID.
Further Reading
- The holidays may look different this year, but we’ve still got advice on surviving the holidays and finding gifts for every personality type.
- Read another Architect’s perspective on Christmas in a different part of the world: “Bulgarian Celebrations New and Old: An Architect Personality Type Builds a Bridge – Without Falling Off.”
- Do you take a more optimistic or pessimistic view of things – or a little of both? Take our “Optimism and Pessimism” test to find out where you fall in each of these areas. (Premium resource.)
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