INFP Relationships

INFPs are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, INFPs dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the INFP personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.

INFP romantic relationships

Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to None

Fortunately these are qualities that INFPs are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, INFPs’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust.

INFPs share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone, and they will take great efforts to show support and affection in order to make this ideal a reality.

But INFPs aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, INFPs will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with INFPs’ rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with INFPs likely sighing that "it wasn’t meant to be."

As a relationship takes hold, people with the INFP personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. INFPs take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While INFPs are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. INFPs would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as INFPs themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late

This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for INFPs to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, INFPs are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into them themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and INFPs should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt.

But that’s at their uncommon worst – at their best, INFPs do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. INFPs take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that INFPs truly feel the most pleasure.

Anonymous
4 years ago
This really does fit me except when my ideas are challenged I want to listen and hear what the person has to say.
GS
4 years ago
Funnily enough, my boyfriend and I are both INFP. I wonder if this means we are good for a lifelong partnership. We think alike (which may be why we were drawn to each other), but it's curious to know if being so similar will actually cause problems- main difference between us is that I am not afraid of conflict, but he is. As reference, I feel we're very comfortable with each other, and there hasn't been a day where there isn't some form of sillyness or laughter. I guess time will have to answer this question.
Kudryavka
4 years ago
It's likely that you experience a fantastic NF connection at first, but over time, you will find that you both validate each other's weaknesses and become unimpressed or bored with each other's strengths. Neither one of you will want to handle the mundane details of real life, or its conflicts. One of you will probably end up having to act more rationally than you are comfortable with, and grow to resent the fact that you are being forced to play a role you aren't good at. Just thought I'd share my two cents... I'm an INFP who just got out of a 5+ year relationship with an INFJ. Love him to death but the prolonged NF-NFness was getting really irritating. I think NFs have a better prospect of a successful partnership when they pair up with NTs. A life partnership needs a healthy balance of logic and emotion. NF-NF pairings are highly unbalanced. They are like drugs - they feel euphoric at first, then you get addicted and can't quit each other even when you realize there are problems. After awhile you burn out. :(
No one
4 years ago
Hmm, I am also a jealous person, but I tend to keep it to myself. I know jealousy only strains a relationship more, so if the partner does nothing to deserve it, I rationalize it in my mind to being just silly thoughts, and to get over it. Also, I have started a relationship with an ISTJ about a year ago...I feel as though this explains so much now...and will help us defy the odds of the statistics that we aren't meant to work out! =)
Poma
5 years ago
This has got me pegged for sure. The only difference I find is that I actually can be very jealous. I'm capable of putting that aside if I truly trust the person, but it's still there no matter what.
Lani
5 years ago
Same! It fits me like a glove except that I'm a jealous person.
Nathan
5 years ago
I am with you on that one. I am not sure if that has more to do with my personality or my past experiences and the person i am with.
Becca
4 years ago
I've found that (apparently) with the right mix of bad, and in this case really unlucky circumstances, I can be EXTREMELY jealous also. Very sad :( But this actually helped me understand it a little better
Sam
4 years ago
So True, I am VERY jealous. I wont go beating someone up but its always in my mind when my partner is away from my eyes. When she is with me though I cant look at anyone else.
sal
4 years ago
i agree, although i wont show it, on the inside i can get very jealous to.
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