INFP Relationships

INFPs are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, INFPs dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the INFP personality type need to recognize that nobody's perfect, and that relationships don't just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.

INFP romantic relationships

Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to None

Fortunately these are qualities that INFPs are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, INFPs' tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust.

INFPs share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone, and they will take great efforts to show support and affection in order to make this ideal a reality.

But INFPs aren't necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they've found someone compatible. In dating, INFPs will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they've imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with INFPs' rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with INFPs likely sighing that "it wasn't meant to be."

As a relationship takes hold, people with the INFP personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners' independence. INFPs take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While INFPs are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they're not good enough. INFPs would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it's a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as INFPs themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late

This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for INFPs to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, INFPs are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into their themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and INFPs should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt.

But that's at their uncommon worst – at their best, INFPs do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. INFPs take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that INFPs truly feel the most pleasure.

5 months ago
I feel as though I so have that perfect ideal man in my head but I know that humans have flaws so I have somehow added in the flaws that I've noticed others have that may be annoying to some but I find somewhat adorable which is how I hope whomever I marry feels about my flaws
AlleyCat
9 months ago
this describes me its my biography :) I almost started crying when I read the comments on the facebook part of this. INFP- to the T ;) lol INFP UNITE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anonymous
11 months ago
I find INFP's have double standards. From my experience, they want, for instance, the perfect (literally perfect) woman while they are not perfect themselves. They want full commitment and loyalty but take ages to commit if they ever do it. They are quick to point out your flaws but if you ever point out theirs, BEWARE! Please don't take it personally; I just want to understand. Do I have good assessment skills or do I judge wrong?
porcupine
8 months ago
you are completely right. we are kind of terrible when it comes to that. we're like little prickly porcupines that want the perfect relationship but cannot seem to grasp that there is no such thing. we run when we sense that the person we have been chasing becomes actually interested. one day, though, i will sand down my spikes enough to let someone in and be happy with their perfect imperfections.
Anonymous
8 months ago
Your observation makes sense. We shouldn't look for perfection when it's impossible to find and we ourselves aren't. We can't expect someone to just suddenly commit and be loyal to us when we can't even bring ourselves to sometimes and when we point out someone's flaws, it's only natural that they're going to point out our flaws too. I think that if INFPs genuinely care about someone (romantic or platonic), they'll accept them as they are because they know that they're also being accepted as they are with flaws and everything so it's okay to sometimes be insulted. At least that's how I feel. My example is my best friend. She's not perfect. Definitely not even though I thought she was at first. I'm not perfect either though and that's okay. We're okay. She's got flaws and I'm not afraid to point them out. When she points out my flaws and sometimes indirectly insults me, I'm fine with it because she's my friend and I know that she doesn't actually hate me or see me as a failure. And even if she does see me as a failure, she hasn't left me yet so I mean something to her. I trust her and that's really important in any type of relationship. Trust. And yes, I do want full commitment and loyalty. I'm sorry I'm hesitant but I'm just afraid. If you're willing to wait long enough though, I will commit to you and be loyal. It's just a flaw of ours.
Molly
5 months ago
I often find myself disappointed when my partner does something hurtful (that I know I would never do), or fails to do or recognize something that I would. For instance, sometimes he won't notice that I'm feeling very low, or maybe he will, but won't ask if I'm okay or if he can do anything to help. I find myself thinking that he should be trying harder to be supportive because I know I would be if the situation were reversed. I have to take a step back and realize that my partner does not think the same way as I do, and so I should not have such high expectations of him. I think this is part of the reason why INFPs have such an idealized view of relationships, coupled with our intense desire to be understood and supported, and our tendecy to daydream. Regarding commitment and loyalty, (in my experience) it takes a long time for INFPs to develop a deep enough connection with someone for them to truly commit. We need the person we're dating to feel like our partner and kindred spirit, someone who understands us and supports us unconditionally. When INFPs commit to a relationship, they open themselves up to someone completely (or as much as possible, seeing as INFPs live such internal lives), and this can be terrifying. INFPs tend to be very sensitive and value their independence. To make such a commitment we need to feel safe and understood, and know that our partner is going to make the same commitment. Everyone has flaws, but INFPs are very intuitive, and tend to notice them quickly, especially in relationships. To add to what I was saying earlier, I think INFPs might have a tendency to point them out because we want to improve our relationships and help our partners grow. We notice all the little things that our partners do (and neglect to do), because we're usually so in tune with how things make us feel. We point them out with good intentions in mind, but often fail to recognize that we're expecting our partners to think and act in a way that doesn't come naturally to them. Meanwhile, when someone points out our flaws, we tend to take it personally because we're very sensitive and internalize criticsm (which can destroy our self-esteem). In summary, INFPs often fantasize about being in a perfect relationship where they and their partner have a deep mutual understanding, support each other unconditionally, and help each other grow. Even though INFPs are usually very good at understanding themselves and others (especially when it comes to emotions), we often forget that other people think differently from us, so when our relationship falls short of our ideal, our responses can make it can seem like we have double standards. In reality, we just need to put ourselves in the headspace of our partners (including their thought process, as well as emotions), which can typically be accomplished by having an honest (and gentle) conversation with us.
5 months ago
I don't think we have double standards we will dream and come up with our 'ideal' but we still see our own flaws and issues and, at least for me, my flaws tend to be magnified because I have given myself an ideal of who I wish I was which can never be achieved.
Adia
11 months ago
INFP-A What exactly does that stand for now?
Noelle
1 year ago
INFP-T... Sagittarius... Blue... Oh jeez I'm messed up. At least they're all similar.
Your name: