When You’re Stuck at Home with the People You Love

Around the world, people are staying home in an effort to curb the spread of the coronavirus (COVID-19). For many of us, that means spending all the livelong day with our partners, parents, siblings, children, and/or roommates. This togetherness can be wonderful – but, to be honest, it can also be a bit much.

Case in point: where I live, we’re under a stay-at-home order and will be for another three weeks at least. I recently asked my neighbor how she and her adult daughter are holding up. “We haven’t killed each other yet,” my neighbor replied. “So I guess that’s pretty good?”

I know what she means. Right now, many of us are living without as much privacy or autonomy as we’d like. We’re adjusting to new routines, dealing with unexpected stressors, and missing out on hobbies that take us out of the house. And we’re locked up with our nearest and dearest – who also happen to be the people who know exactly how to push our buttons. All of this can be a serious strain on our relationships, not to mention our overall sense of well-being.

So how can we turn enforced togetherness into a time of bonding, closeness, and mutual support – rather than a time of bickering over dirty dishes and who ate the last of the popcorn? (Not that I’m speaking from experience…)

Here are some tips for keeping things positive – no matter which personality types you’re stuck at home with.

What about you?

Free

Only 10 minutes to get a “freakishly accurate” description of who you are and why you do things the way you do.

Take the Test

If You’re Stuck at Home with an Analyst…

Analyst personality types: Architects (INTJ), Logicians (INTP), Commanders (ENTJ), Debaters (ENTP)

Read to Each Other (Yes, Really)

77% of Analysts say they feel closer to people with whom they share ideas and opinions rather than experiences.

Right now, we all need things to talk about that aren’t

1. the coronavirus,
2. all the stuff we need that’s still sold out at the store, and
3. How did you forget that it was your turn to do the dishes?

This is especially important if you live with an Analyst. One way that these personality types interact meaningfully with others is by sharing opinions and ideas. For them, a healthy relationship includes a fair amount of asking, “What do you think?” and listening for the response.

So pull a book off the shelf, pick up a magazine the next time you’re shopping for essentials, or dig up an interesting long-form article online. (Bonus points if it’s about something that piques your curiosity rather than something that stresses you out.) Take turns reading chapters or sections to each other. You can set a no-interrupting rule – because whether or not you’re an Analyst, few things are more annoying than being interrupted – but pause every now and then to share your hot takes.

If You’re Stuck at Home with a Diplomat...

Diplomat personality types: Advocates (INFJ), Mediators (INFP), Protagonists (ENFJ), Campaigners (ENFP)

Enforce “Fun Time”

78% of Diplomats say they feel guilty whenever they put themselves first.

In their heart of hearts, Diplomats always want to help. But Diplomats who aren’t “essential workers” might feel adrift right now, not knowing what they can do to be of service to others – aside from staying at home to stop the spread, that is.

This situation can make these personality types feel listless. They might try to cope with those feelings by obsessively checking the news, worrying about things they can’t control, and generally judging themselves for not being more productive or effective. Unfortunately, these behaviors can put Diplomats on edge, making them more difficult to live with than usual.

One way to help Diplomat personalities – and keep things at home harmonious – is to enforce “fun time.” Make it a routine: watching a favorite show together every night, working on a puzzle during lunch, or eating dessert outside after dinner. With so many people in the world going through hard times, Diplomats might find it difficult to prioritize fun – but that doesn’t mean that they don’t need it. By enforcing “fun time,” you can help the Diplomats in your life maintain their resilience and equanimity.

If You’re Stuck at Home with a Sentinel...

Sentinel personality types: Logisticians (ISTJ), Defenders (ISFJ), Executives (ESTJ), Consuls (ESFJ)

Do a Chore

75% of Sentinels say having a neat and clean home is among their top priorities – far more than other personality types.

If you’re stuck at home with a Sentinel, then chances are they’ve taken the lead on doing chores. Maybe they don’t mind – Sentinels tend to prioritize having a clean home more than other types do – but doing the majority of chores might be leaving them feeling a bit more tired or resentful than usual. After all, there’s something about being home all day that can make a pile of dirty laundry or a stack of random papers even more annoying than usual.

Chores might not seem like a big deal, but when they’re not fairly distributed, they can lead to a surprising amount of tension in a household. Sentinels may or may not ask you outright to help more with the chores – but either way, they probably wouldn’t mind a little help.

So why not take a page out of a Sentinel’s book and help out with a chore without being asked? To you, it might just be a few minutes of vacuuming the stairs or moving the towels from the washer to the dryer, but to Sentinels, it can feel like a weight off their shoulders.

If You’re Stuck at Home with an Explorer...

Explorer personality types: Virtuosos (ISTP), Adventurers (ISFP), Entrepreneurs (ESTP), Entertainers (ESFP)

Learn Something New Together

54% of Explorers say they find learning with other people to be helpful rather than distracting – more than any other Role.

Explorers are the perfect people to help us reconnect with our enthusiasm, even when that seems impossible. These personalities have the unusual ability to accept things as they are and look for ways to make things more interesting. That said, Explorers don’t like to live in a bubble. They may have plenty of enthusiasm of their own, but they benefit from other people’s enthusiasm as well. This may be one reason that these types generally find it helpful to learn new things with others.

One of the best ways to stave off boredom if you live with an Explorer is to learn something new together. Thanks to the magic of the Internet, that could be nearly anything – belly dance, pinochle, copperplate calligraphy, or how to make babka. (If you learn to make babka, please send me some.)

By learning something together, you and your Explorer can remind each other how it feels to work as a team. On a lighter note, you can also reconnect with the joy of discovering something new and interesting – something that we could all use a little more of right now.

Conclusions

Being stuck at home together can place a strain on our relationships – and that’s okay. Nearly everyone is experiencing an unusual amount of stress right now, so it makes sense that we might get frustrated with the people we’re stuck with, even if they’re the people we love most in the world.

That said, with a little personality type know-how, you can do something every day to help promote harmony and even a bit of fun at home. Whether that’s reading with an Analyst, doing something fun with a Diplomat, surprising a Sentinel by helping with a chore, or learning something new with an Explorer, we hope it helps you weather these times together.

Who are you stuck at home with? How is it going, and what are you doing to keep the peace?

Further Reading

• For more ideas on how to stay occupied and entertained during this time, check out our suggestions on surviving social isolation for your personality type.
• Have you ever wondered what your family might look like if everyone shared your same personality Role? Our article “When Personality Types Are Relative” explores some possibilities.
• If you’re feeling overwhelmed, you’re not alone. We offer some advice on coping when it seems like there’s no good news and dealing with depression in a time of isolation.