Understanding Forgiveness through the Lens of Personality Type

We’ve likely all heard the phrase “forgive and forget” at some point in our lives, but is the act of forgiving someone really that simple?

At its core, forgiveness is often defined as the act of letting go of resentment, bitterness, or the desire for vengeance toward someone who has caused harm – including oneself. It is a multifaceted concept that not only touches all human beings but also has been the focus of religious and philosophical teachings from all over the world for thousands of years.

And, however different they may be, many of these ideologies share some common threads when it comes to the merit of forgiveness. From the profound meaning of receiving it to the fulfilling gesture of giving it, time and time again forgiveness has been identified as an essential behavior that humanity needs in order to interrupt patterns of hatred, bitterness, and retaliation. However, embarking on the journey of forgiveness is not always straightforward or easy.

Interestingly enough, the capacity to forgive and the desire for revenge are both social strategies that evolved in ancestral humans to help them solve problems and survive. Consequently, both of these instincts are now intrinsic parts of human nature that still very much persist in our world today.

A person’s tendency to lean into forgiveness, hold onto bitterness, or seek vengeance is determined by a multitude of factors, including the culture that they grew up in, their beliefs and values, and of course, their personality type. In this article, we will explore how different personality types feel about the concept of forgiveness and the different components of human personality that cause people to more readily choose forgiveness over revenge.

Which Personality Types Are More Forgiving?

A willingness to forgive is not uniformly distributed across personality types. In our “Forgiveness” survey, we ask people whether or not they think they are a forgiving person. Overall, about 80% of respondents say they are forgiving. But when we look at the difference in the responses between Thinking and Feeling personality types, we see that only 64% of Thinking types say they are forgiving, compared to 90% of Feeling types.

We see a similar trend in the responses to the question, “Would you say that you offer forgiveness faster than most people?” Roughly 63% of Feeling types agree, compared to only 36% of Thinking types.

Based on the responses to these two questions, our research shows that Diplomats are by far the most likely Role to view themselves as forgiving, while Analysts are the least likely. This makes sense, as Diplomats are all Feeling personality types, and Analysts are all Thinking types. Sentinels and Explorers – two Roles that have an even mixture of Thinking and Feeling types – hang somewhere in the middle.

So why do we see such distinct differences along the Thinking versus Feeling spectrum when it comes to forgiveness?

For starters, Thinking and Feeling personality types tend to have different relationships with empathy. In our “Walking in Someone Else’s Shoes” survey, we ask whether people often try to limit their empathy for others to safeguard their own emotional well-being. The responses reveal that 65% of Thinking types do try to limit their empathy, compared to only 33% of Feeling types. Similarly, 65% of Analysts are more careful with expressing empathy when it will impact their own well-being, compared to only 34% of Diplomats.

Feeling types by nature tend to allow more compassion and empathy into their lives than Thinking types do. Consequently, they are more likely to take other people’s emotions into account and express concern for other people’s well-being – sometimes even expressing more concern for other people’s well-being than their own.

Conversely, Thinking types tend to evaluate situations from a more rational standpoint, so they might have a hard time offering empathy to someone who has wronged them. After all, it is only logical to assume that a person would be capable of repeating that same behavior in the future if they’ve done it before. That said, just because a Thinking type might default to a decision based on logic does not mean that they do not feel empathy or compassion for others. They are just more likely than Feeling types to set those feelings aside and act in a way that aligns with their logic.

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When it comes to Diplomats in particular, our research shows that these personalities are more likely than other Feeling types to try putting themselves in other people’s shoes. Their Intuitive trait might drive them to ponder more deeply the different reasons why someone acts the way that they do. When coupled with the fact that Diplomats generally try to see the good in others, this might be why Diplomats are more inclined than other Roles to turn to forgiveness.

Analysts also share the Intuitive trait. That means that they are also likely to dwell on their own thoughts after someone crosses them. However, Analyst personalities tend to have more pessimistic views when it comes to other people. Out of all the Roles, Analysts are the least likely to say they trust anyone completely.

Analysts also tend to judge more harshly those whose opinions and actions they don’t agree with. This might be why they are the least likely out of all the Roles to consider themselves forgiving.

So where does that leave Sentinels and Explorers? The personalities in these Roles may appear to have more moderate views about forgiveness, due to the fact that each Role has two Thinking types and two Feeling types. However, when we look at each individual personality type, we see that their feelings about forgiveness are very much in line with their Thinking and Feeling traits.

That said, what sets them apart from both Diplomats and Analysts is that these personalities all share the Observant trait. That means that these types may be less likely to get swept away by their thoughts after a transgression against them has occurred. This could lead them to process forgiveness in a variety of different ways.

Some Observant personalities might be more likely to offer forgiveness with ease because of their innate ability to stay rooted in the present and let go of the past without overthinking. However, others may not even consider offering forgiveness once they’ve been wronged. They won’t necessarily dwell on what occurred, but they might make up their minds about whether someone deserves forgiveness or not right when the transgression occurs. This could explain why Virtuosos (ISTP) and Logisticians (ISTJ) are the two least likely types to say they offer forgiveness quickly.

The Emotions behind Forgiveness

To gain a more comprehensive understanding of how people choose between practicing forgiveness and harboring resentment, we must also explore the emotional states of different personality types when they have been harmed in some way.

In our “Holding Grudges” survey, we ask which of two common emotions – anger or sadness – people tend to feel more after being betrayed by someone. We see that 78% of Thinking types report feeling more anger, and only 22% feel more sadness. By contrast, only 44% of Feeling types say they feel more anger, and the majority (56%) feel more sadness.

Anger and sadness, although both difficult emotions, differ greatly in terms of how they impact the person who is experiencing them. Anger often arises when someone feels threatened, and it tends to drive people to take action against the threat in one way or another. On the other hand, sadness might stem from feelings of grief, disappointment, or a general unhappiness that often causes people to turn inward and withdraw from the situation at hand.

This might be why 52% of Thinking types report that they often struggle to choose between revenge and forgiveness, compared to only 32% of Feeling types. Thinking types might feel more motivated to either act on their anger or protect themselves from any further harm by holding a grudge, while Feeling types might be more likely to retreat and sit with any feelings of disappointment until they decide that it no longer serves them to remain in a dejected state.

Forgiveness and Moving On

Forgiving someone can sometimes be an extremely impactful and liberating decision that helps one heal emotional wounds and ultimately allows one to move forward in life. But is forgiveness a vital step that every personality type needs in order to progress?

In our “Forgiveness” survey, we ask people whether they think forgiving someone is the only way to move on. Once again, we see a split in how Thinking and Feeling types respond to this question, with only 25% of Thinking types reporting that forgiveness is needed to move forward, compared to roughly 50% of Feeling types.

However, despite this difference, only 41% of all respondents agree that forgiveness is necessary for letting go and carrying on. That means that the remaining 59% – a mixture of Feeling and Thinking types alike – feel that forgiveness isn’t necessarily an essential step in the process of moving on.

This all raises a question: Who is forgiveness really for? Is it for the person on the receiving end, or is it for the person who is offering forgiveness?

Maybe it depends on who is suffering the most after a given transgression has occurred.

If it’s for the person who has been harmed, it might be in their best interest to offer forgiveness, so that they can obtain a more peaceful state of mind and move on. If it’s for the person who caused harm, maybe offering forgiveness is a true act of kindness and empathy.

Either way, only one thing is sure: forgiveness is an extremely complicated, nuanced, and sometimes polarizing topic. When it comes to whether or not someone deserves forgiveness and who forgiveness is really for, the answer might always be, “It depends.”

What are your thoughts on forgiveness? Leave a comment below and let us know what kind of a role forgiveness plays in your life.

Further Reading

• Empathy Is Important Regardless of Your Type
• “I’m Not Stubborn, I’m Persistent”: Stubbornness and Personality Types
• Anger and the Four Personality Type Strategies
• To learn more about the process of personal growth for your personality type, check out our premium Guide to Personal Growth.