Perception, Personality, Dating and Religion

Darrell's avatar

Religious homogamy. That’s something you rarely hear anyone talk about or you may never have heard the phrase. Yet the idea has had some serious cultural implications over the history of man. The phrase refers to the people from like religions preferring to date and marry each other. You’re probably even familiar with religions where the idea is codified as canon to be obeyed. In Christianity, many believe that Paul included marriage in warning to the Corinthians to not be “unequally yoked” with “unbelievers”. Traditional religious parents often blanch at the idea of their child marrying outside of the faith.

New studies out of the University of Otago in New Zealand suggest that neither the religious institution nor parents need to push too hard to prevent such pairing. There is a natural inclination of like-minded religious people not to pair with the non-religious while non-religious people have biases of their own against marrying religious people.

The study suggests that non-religious people viewed religious people as not being open to new experiences. Openness is commonly seen as a necessary ingredient for intellectual curiosity to flourish. Notice the word “viewed” and “seen” above. This is important because the study concerned itself with perception of the non-religious rather than any objective reality. The more someone went to church, the more they were viewed by the non-religious as lacking openness and were typically rated as a less desirable potential partner. As vestiges of being religious went up, for the non-religious, potential partners’ attractiveness went down.

Part of the argument apparently was as basic as one group seeing openness as an essential quality while another even questioned whether openness was inherently a good thing at all. The two may fundamentally look at experiences labelled as “open” differently and apply different values to both. In our model, Sentinels are most likely to be drawn to traditional organized religion, with Analysts being on the other side of the spectrum.

It would be interesting to see if there was a differentiation between “religious” and “spiritual” while asking the same questions. Some would argue they are not the same thing at all. But there may be some overlap between two. When the study refers to “religious”, are they referring only to those who adhere to traditional organized religion? Does all manner of religious experience count here? What if one fancies him or herself as a spiritual adventurer as many in the New Age Movement do? That suggests some kind of openness to experience although there also may be a certain degree of dogma associated with it as well.

In our model, Intuitive personality types (so Analysts and Diplomats) are likely to be open to spirituality without being as open to traditional religious experiences. Explorers would most likely shun traditional dogmas while Sentinels would embrace them.

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A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
I guess what truly matters in cases like this is his open minded, tolerant, and accepting a person can be. Religion shouldn't have to be a really issue between two lovers.
INTP avatar
If one believes Jesus is Lord and one doesn't, that will create rifts in relationships. See Lee Strobel's example in "The Case for Christ." Paul said don't be unequally yoked.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
Seeing how many of my fellow INTP's and INTJ's are religious.......sigh I guess I'll have to wait a 100 more years and hopefully I'll be alive and humanity will have evolved more.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
My dear fellow INTJ, let me tell you this conclusion I realised... No matter how much you waited, humans will always and always follow religions. Because humans needs a guide, regarless wether God exists or not. If all of Earth's population became irreligious, many wouldn't be able to survive in this cruel world where sometimes you wonder what's your purpose and what will you gain/lose if you became a good or a bad person. INTJs are stong and confident of their knowledge and think that they should consume this using it to serve human development, world, etc. But others won't, they would just suffer from deep depression and some might commit suicide. S. Korea and Japan are very developed countries with high irreligious population and a high suicide rate. But many African countries are literally hopeless economically and politically yet have low suicide rate and a low irrelegious community. -VERY RATIONAL RELIGIOUS INTJ-A.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
But if you look from a different view, perhaps the upside down view, then you see that there are many atheists out there doing just fine. The part about humans needing a guide I do believe is true, but the part about always I do not. I believe that once humans develop a more vast intellectual content we won't need religions because people will be using logic and what they want over what some person in a funny hat wants. I also believe that if science goes at the rate it is now, they'll have concrete facts about how the world was formed and evolution sooner or later. I am not of the INTJ personality group and have enough knowledge and logic for the world not to consume me, so don't flatter your self. Even other personalities have the opportunity to be strong able bodied people without religion. I am stating fact and observation so please do not scream at me for it. I get in trouble for fact enough.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
Your comment is interesting...it implies that there is a superiority to certain personality types and the worldview they should apparently hold. It also points out that, when presented with the same evidence, even the most rational/logical among the population come to vastly different conclusions. Logic can, apparently, lead to just as much disparity as emotion. Perhaps there is another realm, beyond the physical universe, that we have yet to discover. Its possible that we are in the "Middle Ages" of religious discovery. Much of what we know to be true about science was considered ridiculous pre-scientific revolution. The reality of God will be proven with time...a sort of religious revolution that will change the way we live much like the scientific revolution changed the way we approach the physical world today. The Bible predicts and explains this in several places. It may seem laughable now, but who would've thought there were "invisible" microbes that caused sickness and death and that personal hygiene was good for health? Hindsight is 20/20. I also find it interesting (and, I guess, perplexing) that you have an optimistic view on the future of humanity, particularly since you don't believe in God. From my perspective, at the very least in terms of violent crime (although there are many other signs of societal sickness), the "evolution" of humanity has taken a terrible turn. It would be interesting to compare the rates asocialism with the decline of society's faith in God to see if there's a correlation (although I have a hunch that I already know the answer).
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
Violent crime rates have not actually changed that much as society has evolved and further developed their morals OUTSIDE of what their religious leaders say they should think and do. It rises and falls. You also have to take account of how much more aware of violence we are and how well we can estimate crime rates now compared to before. I would be very interested in hearing of these other supposed societal sicknesses. I certainly know there are problems but I don't see how there are any more than in previous times when people were more ignorant, intolerant and hateful (which would've been caused, at the very least in part, by religion). I'm not sure if you're aware of logical fallacies but there's this one that I find people using quite often: false cause. "Correlation is not causation." It doesn't mean that correlation CAN'T be causation but you really have to be careful and analyse the other possible causes when it comes to correlating events. For example, you think that a correlation between rates of asocial (considering the context in which you were using the word I assume you meant ANTIsocial but eh) behaviour and non-religion might indicate that one caused the other. If you take a moment to think about it you might also realise that there are many, many, many other factors that could cause that sort of behaviour: easier access to violent media, higher prevalence of mental illness, lack of societal innocence, drug use/alcoholism, etc. When it comes to things like sociology it seems like you really have to detach yourself from your loyalties and biases to think clearly, logically and with an open mind.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
You are, possibly, correct. I was just speculating...but I'd love to continue the discussion with you. :) It is possible that we are just more aware of crime than we used to be, however, it was highly unusual to hear of kids/teens deciding to take guns to school in hopes of killing themselves and as many others as they can take with them. Or, just as awful, parents killing their kids, or kids killing their parents. People used to leave their homes and cars unlocked, even at night while sleeping...that is no longer wise. Supposedly we've made huge strides towards ending racial discrimination, yet hatred is obviously still prevalent. If you research the statistics on murder, the results show that it is climbing. Sexual crime is also up. Could it just be a rough last 20 years or so? Maybe...I guess time will tell. But, my prediction is that as society continues to move away from Biblical values, it will continue to deteriorate with the full results unable to be seen for many, many years (sounds a bit like global warming LOL). Now, granted, part of my definition of deterioration may be very different than yours. Which leads me to.... My thoughts on the symptoms of societal sickness... you actually named quite a few symptoms, NOT causes: easier access to violent media (and I would add pornography), higher prevalence of mental illness, lack of societal innocence, drug use/alcoholism. I would add (although you will probably disagree) the surge of transgenderism and homosexuality and people's acceptance of it (I can see you rolling your eyes :)). Also, the acceptance of abortion and medically assisted suicide is another alarming symptom. Do people have the right to do all of these things? Yes, but that doesn't make it healthy! The truth about Christianity is that God gives everyone the choice about how they want to live their lives. Christianity also teaches, however, that there are terrible consequences for straying from God's way. God really isn't a tyrant, He just wants what is best for us, even when choosing to do things Biblically is not easy or does not feel natural. Doing what feels good is not always what is best. So, yes, Biblically, we can have the choice to do whatever we want. Just don't be surprised if the result of acceptance of unbibical morals as a society leads to societal problems. (I realize that Christians have botched this and continue to botch this; true Christianity does give room for choice, but it also warns of consequences. Speaking for myself, I can easily be friends with people that don't agree with me...I realize that it is their choice on how they want to live their lives, but I don't necessarily agree with their decision. I'm pretty sure that several of my friends feel the same way towards me :)). You may be surprised to find that, yes, I've heard of logical fallacies (now my eyes are rolling). It is my opinion that, in this case, correlation is possibly causation. I know that it is not always the case, and on this issue, you obviously disagree. I'm ok with that. I was presenting a point of view and maybe some food for thought. Yes, thank you...you are right, ANTI-social is the correct term. Now, maybe it would be less confusing if I said that I question how society came to accept all of the things leading towards anti-social behavior. Why have we accepted violent and perverted media? What is causing the feelings of hopelessness and confusion in people with mental illness (yes I know there's a physical component to it), why do people feel the need for drug use/alcoholism? Why did we stop protecting our innocence? How did we get to the point where we so easily accept things that lead to anti-social behavior? What is the reason behind the reason? My speculation is that it is a lack of a Biblical, moral compass. When we make the choice to choose our own morality, not God's, there are consequences: societal sickness. I'm not sure that it is possible for anyone to completely detach themselves from their loyalties and biases. For example, did you, after reading my post, think, "Hmmm...I wonder if that could be true, I'm going to go research that now and find out if there's a possible connection"? I'm guessing that your loyalties and biases prevented you from taking my point of view seriously and looking into any possible validity. It's natural; we all do it. So, perhaps we all need to be a bit more open-minded. :) I'm not claiming that my logic is perfect, but I do see an alarming pattern with a possible connection. Wouldn't it be worth investigating?
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
Allow me to correct one of your statements. It is not that we have an increase in mental health issues or those affected in this country. What we DO have is a decrease in help for those suffering from mental illness. Starting with JFK, who began closing federal facilities because he believed many would do better without the confines of an institution, the US began the first of many egregious choices that have helped cultivate the mental health issues facing America today. It was Regan who finished what JFK started by cutting federal and state funding even further. The options for the mentally ill are pathetically few and rarely aimed at addressing not just the fundamental issues, but what any person with mental illness is going to need in the future to aid them in being a continuing, productive member of society. Add to that the gross negligence by the Veteran's Administration concerning our vets combating PTSD and other mental issues and you get the nightmare this country has become regarding mental health. What people continuously ignore is that mental health is a a part of our health overall. Because technology has made it easy for people to find any and all information, the lack of support by both federal and state level government is now coming to light. It's not that mental illness has increased. It's that we're more AWARE of it. And in turn, the puppets in Washington purposefully steer people away from their own negligence by cutting funding and instead spew their diatribes about how our society is producing more mental illness. Lastly, regarding violence in the media and I'm adding video games here as well, there are countries who watch the same movies and play the same games. Yet their murder rate is a small fraction of ours. What's the difference? Gun control. Two prime examples are the UK, where police don't even carry guns, and Australia. Again, the powers that be who do not do the job they were elected to do point fingers and blame media and video games. If so, then explain the countries I just mentioned. Neither entertainment or video games has enough power to blur the lines between right and wrong, particularly in the case of murder. The idea that games and media induce people to murder or main others is yet another idea perpetrated by others for their own gains. It also alludes to a belief that people are actually that stupidly susceptible. Should you be interested, I can produce data to back up what I just said here.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
On gun-control....making more laws against the use of guns won't stop a psycopath from entering a school and killing a bunch of kids, someone entered (a few months ago) a gun free zone and SHOT several people...had the ppl in that area been allowed to carry arms they may have been able to defend themselves. My point is, illegal arms dealers break gun laws every day, making a few more laws won't stop them and in the end will only be dangerous to the law abiding citizens who don't own guns.....just a thought
INFP avatar
I kinda feel weird replying shortly after such a long and amazing comment (or should I say paper), but all I have to say is that embodied what i think perfectly. Keep declaring telling your faith. :D
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
if you're a Christian, pls don't hook up with a non Christian. You will be compromising your beliefs if u do that.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
I don't see why people downvote this comment. As an atheist I find it hilarious when people try to claim that they're "True Christians" but don't even obey the book that provides them with the basis for their beliefs.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
The bible teaches not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers a true christian follows God's commands and therefore won't marry a nonbeliever....I'm a Christian
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
Exactly. As a Christian I find it sad.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We both were non-practicing Catholics because I had been married before and although I got a divorce, I didn't have my married annulled. So basically, we're non-practicing because as adulterers we couldn't participate fully in the mass and receive communion. I decided to start going to Calvary Chapel and reading the bible more regularly while my husband went to a Catholic Church. Although we were both attending churches that worshipped the same God it was different because My beliefs about my salvation was and is only through Jesus Christ while my husband's beliefs about salvation was based on sacraments, good works, purgatory, intercession etc. There came a point when it wasn't ok with each of us going to our own church especially as our daughter began asking why daddy and mommy went to different churches (she went with each of us). Daddy's church was on Saturday night and "ours" was Sunday morning. It became worse when my daughter didn't want to go with her dad anymore so dad stopped going to church too. Our marriage was struggling when I asked my husband to give my church a try. I promised him it was the best thing for him and for us as a family. I wrote this so that If you are not married and wander if religious beliefs should be considered when choosing a spouse...my opinion is that it does. "Marriage is a beautiful but very curvy road..without God..we might as well go off the cliff."
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
I consider myself a woman for faith and lean much more towards the title of spiritual rather than religious. I do however attend church regularly and plan to raise my children in the church as well. But I don't necessarily need my partner to be a regular church attender, he just needs to be somewhat spiritual himself and supportive of the fact that attending church is an important part of my life. As long as we are able to respect and support each others spiritual beliefs, I don't see why there should be a problem. Of course this is a very important subject that will need to be discussed and agreed upon prior to marriage, but I don't think it should prevent two people who love each other from being able to build a beautiful life together.