Perception, Personality, Dating and Religion

Darrell's avatar

Religious homogamy. That’s something you rarely hear anyone talk about or you may never have heard the phrase. Yet the idea has had some serious cultural implications over the history of man. The phrase refers to the people from like religions preferring to date and marry each other. You’re probably even familiar with religions where the idea is codified as canon to be obeyed. In Christianity, many believe that Paul included marriage in warning to the Corinthians to not be “unequally yoked” with “unbelievers”. Traditional religious parents often blanch at the idea of their child marrying outside of the faith.

New studies out of the University of Otago in New Zealand suggest that neither the religious institution nor parents need to push too hard to prevent such pairing. There is a natural inclination of like-minded religious people not to pair with the non-religious while non-religious people have biases of their own against marrying religious people.

The study suggests that non-religious people viewed religious people as not being open to new experiences. Openness is commonly seen as a necessary ingredient for intellectual curiosity to flourish. Notice the word “viewed” and “seen” above. This is important because the study concerned itself with perception of the non-religious rather than any objective reality. The more someone went to church, the more they were viewed by the non-religious as lacking openness and were typically rated as a less desirable potential partner. As vestiges of being religious went up, for the non-religious, potential partners’ attractiveness went down.

Part of the argument apparently was as basic as one group seeing openness as an essential quality while another even questioned whether openness was inherently a good thing at all. The two may fundamentally look at experiences labelled as “open” differently and apply different values to both. In our model, Sentinels are most likely to be drawn to traditional organized religion, with Analysts being on the other side of the spectrum.

It would be interesting to see if there was a differentiation between “religious” and “spiritual” while asking the same questions. Some would argue they are not the same thing at all. But there may be some overlap between two. When the study refers to “religious”, are they referring only to those who adhere to traditional organized religion? Does all manner of religious experience count here? What if one fancies him or herself as a spiritual adventurer as many in the New Age Movement do? That suggests some kind of openness to experience although there also may be a certain degree of dogma associated with it as well.

In our model, Intuitive personality types (so Analysts and Diplomats) are likely to be open to spirituality without being as open to traditional religious experiences. Explorers would most likely shun traditional dogmas while Sentinels would embrace them.

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Comments

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INTJ avatar
I'm an architect (Analyst) and fully agree with this article. In my view, it describes my preferences. I am spiritual but not religious. I have no issues with entering the house of worship of any religion, with their permission.
INFJ avatar
I think perception and personality factors are at work in ways not touched upon in the essay - and in addition to the very good question raised about the difference between "religious" and "spiritual", there are differences in denominations that may be more important than given credit here. The Sentinels may be more protective of traditional values than the Explorers and less logic-driven than the Analysts, for example. The Analysts, I have observed, gravitate to denominations where questioning and open discussion are encouraged, and avoid denominations where there is a set dogma that must not be questioned (we WILL get ourselves into trouble by asking questions and airing doubts... which may be either welcomed or seen as threats to the group.) When it comes to dating, we are attracted to discover and be discovered; there is a range of difference from self that is fascinating to explore. Too little difference = boring; too great a difference = no connection. The problem comes when we are flattered by the attention and focused exclusively on the other, and do not know ourselves well enough to resist the temptation to commit to a relationship before we understand how we each may change over time and family responsibility levels.
A grayscale avatar for an anonymous user
I still think it is creepy how accurate this study is. The part about Diplomats being open to spirituality more than traditional religious practices is spot on. What ever you guys are doing keep doing it because it is effective.
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I'm a Diplomat with conservative religious view. I think everyone has a chance to study more about world's religions.
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I never would have considered how one accepts the concept of religion to be related to their personality, but I suppose that makes sense. I was brought up in the same house as my sister who is a much different personality type than myself and we both put different emphasis on rules inside out religion. That may have something to do with how each of our types views rules and structure in general. I am of the Diplomat group and while I need the practice of attending services regularly, I also enjoy delving into the historical context and questioning why. Perhaps that's in my personality? As far as relationships go, it can be difficult for someone who is non-religious to understand religious experiences and concepts, but the same personality types that are open-minded might be willing to appreciate the trait of faith in someone else, even if they cannot understand it themselves.