How to Ask Out an Architect (INTJ)

So you want to ask an Architect (INTJ) out on a date – and maybe, just maybe, you’re a bit nervous. After all, Architects have many remarkable qualities, including their curiosity and their fresh way of seeing the world, but they aren’t exactly known for being warm and approachable.

Here’s the truth: many Architects arm themselves with a sharp wit and a skepticism of new people because they aren’t totally comfortable in novel social settings. If people with this personality type sometimes come across as reserved or standoffish, it’s because their minds are working overtime to analyze and understand what you’re saying to them and why.

The good news? By gaining some insights into this personality type, you can ask out Architects in a way that’s more likely to resonate with them rather than raise their defenses. To be clear, this isn’t about mind tricks or playing games – Architects would see through those anyway. Instead, the goal is to ask them out in a way that makes sense from an Architect’s perspective.

So without further ado, here are our top tips for asking someone with the Architect personality type out on a date.

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Tip #1: Earn Their Respect

If you walk up to an Architect you barely know and ask them out, they might say yes – but, to be frank, they probably won’t. People with this personality type tend to have a very small inner circle of close friends and confidants. They’re reluctant to give their time, attention, or trust to anyone who hasn’t yet proven themselves worthy of it.

This means that, unless you’re already in an Architect’s inner circle, you’d do well to devote some energy to earning their respect before you ask them out. So how do you gain the respect of someone with this personality type? Well, you certainly don’t want to play coy or hard to get – Architects really aren’t into those sorts of games.

Perhaps the best way to earn an Architect’s respect is to have an interesting, intelligent conversation with them. Engage with them on a topic or issue – whether it’s a current event or a debate about the best saxophone solos of all time. Find out their perspective and offer your own. Show that you have an interest in gaining knowledge and exchanging ideas – for an Architect, a conversation that doesn’t allow for the exchange of ideas is a waste of time – but don’t feel obliged to agree with them on every point. If anything, Architects will be more intrigued if you challenge their ideas – provided that you have solid evidence and reasoning, of course.

Tip #2: Explain Yourself

Architects have a skeptical streak. When you ask them out, even if you’re entirely sincere, a part of their brain is probably thinking, “Are you messing with me?”

To head off this skepticism, you may want to offer a quick explanation of why you’re asking them out. This can be as simple as: “I really enjoyed chatting with you about saxophone solos the other day, and I was hoping that we could continue the conversation over coffee.”

A word of caution: don’t go overboard with the compliments, as this may strike Architects as fake or over the top. And try to explain your interest in terms of things that Architects are likely to pride themselves on, such as their conversational skills or their wit, rather than their appearance or other things that aren’t as much in their control.

Tip #3: Suggest an Architect-Friendly Date

Architects are clearheaded, fairly decisive people. You might think you’re increasing your chances of success if you ask them out in a way that’s vague and open-ended – for example, “Would you want to hang out sometime?” But, with Architect personalities, it’s a far better strategy to be direct and specific.

So what kind of date should you suggest? Architects are Introverts, which means that a loud and crowded venue might be overstimulating for them. A group date poses a similar issue, as socializing with a lot of people at once can drain Architects’ energy. A one-on-one outing, such as getting coffee or going for a hike, is a much better bet for these personalities, particularly if you choose a not-too-noisy setting that allows the conversation to flow.

That said, an event such as a lecture, reading, or exhibition can be a great activity to do with an Architect, particularly if it aligns with their interests. Just make sure that you carve out some time to interact one-on-one as well – perhaps by going for a walk afterward to exchange thoughts on what you just saw or heard.

Conclusion

Full disclosure: these tips aren’t guaranteed to work. Even if you follow this advice to the letter, the Architect who’s caught your eye might turn you down – and that’s okay. That said, we hope that these three tips have given you some valuable insights into the Architect personality type as well as an appreciation of why certain approaches just aren’t likely to work for Architects.

So, readers: Have you ever asked out an Architect? If you’re an Architect, what would make you want to go on a date with someone? Tell us in the comments below!

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Nova

Architect (INTJ-T)

I enjoyed the article and I would say, allowing for differences between architects, it all rings pretty true and accurate. I got a giggle out of "When you ask them out, even if you’re entirely sincere, a part of their brain is probably thinking, “Are you messing with me?”" as I think that would be me. The article made a good point too about avoiding trying to play games or being too vague. Our brains are wired to try an extrapolate a meaning or conclusion from the abstract, so the more you beat around the bush or be vague, the more we're likely to draw our own conclusion, and it might not be the one you want. For example that whole "Let's hang out sometime". I might honestly think you're just saying that as a polite/friendly parting comment and not as a sincere invite to hang out. I think to appeal to an architect, it's also important to be willing to go down the rabbit hole a bit in the conversation. Being free to deep dive into an idea, hypothetical, viewpoint, etc is catnip to us. However, this isn't simply one-sided, we want to see how your mind works too. We get the most enjoyment when we can see how someone else's reasoning can align or contend with our own. The topic itself doesn't have to be overtly serious or heavy, but it's can you play ball with it? I also can't emphasize enough being sincere/upfront. One of the most off-putting things is someone who does a lot of double talk or says things they don't mean (like empty flattery). Like I don't have the time, energy or motivation to deal with that.