INFP Relationships

INFPs are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, INFPs dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the INFP personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.

INFP romantic relationships

Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to None

Fortunately these are qualities that INFPs are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, INFPs’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust.

INFPs share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone, and they will take great efforts to show support and affection in order to make this ideal a reality.

But INFPs aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, INFPs will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with INFPs’ rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with INFPs likely sighing that "it wasn’t meant to be."

As a relationship takes hold, people with the INFP personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. INFPs take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While INFPs are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. INFPs would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as INFPs themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late

This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for INFPs to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, INFPs are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into them themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and INFPs should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt.

But that’s at their uncommon worst – at their best, INFPs do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. INFPs take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that INFPs truly feel the most pleasure.

Lisa
3 years ago
I have done harm to plenty, unfortunately. When I am hurt, I hurt back with a sharp tongue. I regret that and make amends when I realize what I've done.
Della
3 years ago
Have you noticed how many comments are women? I've just read INTP and there were definitely more men. Perhaps these traits are more female? I can relate to being misunderstood, wanting to please, idealistic and seeing the good. I disagree with the perfect partner part though.. the "seeing the good" part can contradict this. I feel deeply but I've often been seen as 'an ice queen' due to internalising.. this is pretty close to me. I've been called a 'good kind of crazy', 'eccentric', the '5th element' and 'bespoke.' It's hard being this way but I wouldn't change it.
Kevin Higby
3 years ago
INFP Asperger's Syndrome. This is exactly how I feel inside, but I tend to logically analyze (and overanalyze) everything that happens. Thus, lack of logic is not one of my shortcomings, but idealization is exaggerated.
Laura
3 years ago
I am INFP, and with an INTP. I have heard adviced against that, but I never really took it seriously, as I do not put that much attention in personality tests, that I would actually let it control who I'd be with, but ... I do actually, now that I analyse him and myself and our relation find this to be an interesting match. I find that we are actually very similar, though I am more of an idealist, where he is more into thinking individual cases (clear when we discuss politics as an example. We agree on most things, but approaches are differen). Too do the differences come in handy when we need to support each other. He doesn't feel less than me, but the can have issues accepting that he feels what he does, if there is no logical reason. I can help reminding him than sometimes a feeling is just there. It doesn't make it less okay to have it, if it isn't rational, and that it is important to accept it is there to change it. Sometimes he can do almost the opposite to me, when I need someone to explain to me why I feel something. Also if I have done something and am afraid whether I have actually hurt someone he will rationalize and be able to structure my arguments for doing what I did for me, making me see that I actually don't have to feel bad about what I have done. The feeling/thinker combo can of course give some issues too. He can have issues with the amount to which I feel, and how much and big my need is to share what I feel. He can also find it freaky that he cannot really hide it from me, when he feels bad. But overall, the advantages certainly overrules the disadvantages for me in this. I think it is important to have quite much in commen in relation to background and interests for it to be as great as I find it to be for us.
Mary
4 years ago
Right... so this is why I have "You may say I'm a dreamer..." tattooed on my foot. This sums me up completley, and explains so much!
Your name: