INFJ Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INFJs take the process of finding a partner seriously. Not ones for casual encounters, people with the INFJ personality type instead look for depth and meaning in their relationships. INFJs will take the time necessary to find someone they truly connect with – once they’ve found that someone, their relationships will reach a level of depth and sincerity that most people can only dream of.

INFJ romantic relationships

Getting to that point can sometimes be a challenge for potential partners, especially if they are the impatient type, as INFJs are often perfectionistic and picky. People with this personality type aren’t easily talked into something they don’t want, and if someone doesn’t pick up on that, it’s a trespass that is unlikely to be forgiven, particularly in the early stages of dating. Even worse is if a suitor tries to resort to manipulation or lying, as INFJs will see right through it, and if there’s anything they have a poor tolerance for in a relationship, it is inauthenticity.

Is This for Real?

One of the things INFJs find most important is establishing genuine, deep connections with the people they care about.

INFJs will go out of their way to seek out people who share their desire for authenticity, and out of their way to avoid those who don’t, especially when looking for a partner. All that being said, INFJs often have the advantage of desirability – they are warm, friendly, caring and insightful, seeing past facades and the obvious to understand others’ thoughts and emotions.

INFJs are enthusiastic in their relationships, and there is a sense of wisdom behind their spontaneity, allowing them to pleasantly surprise their partners again and again. INFJs aren’t afraid to show their love, and they feel it unconditionally, creating a depth to the relationship that can hardly be described in conventional terms. Relationships with INFJs are not for the uncommitted or the shallow.

When it comes to intimacy, INFJs look for a connection that goes beyond the physical, embracing the emotional and even spiritual connection they have with their partner. People with the INFJ personality type are passionate partners, and see intimacy as a way to express their love and to make their partners happy. INFJs cherish not just the act of being in a relationship, but what it means to become one with another person, in mind, body and soul.

2 years ago
This is so true. For my whole life my mother has told me that my personality is very self obsessive and I have to get out of room. But I never came to know why so many boys in my school have a crush on me. All my friends keep telling me that I am very reserved and private. This is because I am who I am and I will be who I want to be. Now when I finally find my crush he doesn't seem to notice me. Life is an utter mess for me. No one is there to provide me psychological support.....
Jane Bender
2 years ago
I thought the same thing... Most the guys I knew had crushes on me at some point in time... Except, it seemed, the guy I liked. Found out later that he liked me too, I just wasn't paying attention. ;) Keep an eye out.
2 years ago
this is such a relief, ever since about two years ago my parents have told me there was something bad about my personality and has pushed me (harshly, might I add) to become more "aggressive" and "likable." I've tried, but it only discouraged me when other and I didn't have an immediate connection, and I felt very alone. My mother always tells me that my personality isn't "suitable for living," meaning that she doesn't think I'll be successful. I also want to be a writer and tell me my writing is horrible, which really brings me down. After reading this, and realizing how accurate it was, and how many people relate to me, I feel so much better. I really needed this. However, I like a boy who is a ESTJ and am still discouraged that he won't like me because we aren't very similar. Any advice?
Rachel A.
2 years ago
Anna, dear Anna. First, please don't share your future writing, creations or inner world with those who aren't supportive of you, that includes family members. As an INFJ myself, I am very cautious about who gets access to my heart. Respect your nature enough to do that. If you haven't heard of the phrase, "pearls before swine", I suggest you immediately look it up for the sake of your physical and psychic health. From this moment forward let your beauty be on reserve for those who have earned the right to be near it. I love INFJ's so much; it hurts me to hear what you are going through and the lack of support from your mom. She doesn't see you, honey, but YOU SEE HER!! Keep that in mind. I am currently seeing an ESTJ, so I can share what has helped me. First off, we do have one trait in common and that's the J. So we both have an affinity for organizing things. How that plays out in reality for us means that we're both neat freaks and we like our day to be more structured, we find comfort in the daily pattern that has been established. The two types can actually be complementary opposites as compared to stressful, strained opposites. Think of the yin-yang symbol and NOT oil and vinegar, which never truly blend into each other. I'm sure you've already read and studied his type, so you know that if he likes you it will be shown in some clear, tangible way, but don't expect a love song or sonnet. And, the timing will be when he deems socially appropriate. They are sticklers for social norms, right? See if there is any club or group that he's a part of that you genuinely hold an interest in as well and think of joining just to increase your interaction time. That way you can both get to know each other more and see if there's real mutual interest. Don't discount the attractive qualities of an INFJ girl or woman. We may not be loud and boisterous, but we can embody true femininity with our caring, gentle ways. As you get older you will find that these traits will attract people or guys who are more refined. The brutes are not for you dear Anna. So, keep cultivating yourself, your beautiful creative abilities and sensitive ways. If you do ever start to date him, he can be a doorway to parts of society you wouldn't feel comfortable participating in solo and you can be the doorway to an inner world that he often overlooks. So, don't give up, all hope is not lost. Be yourself and know that with the right person harmony can be found. And please be patient, sometimes things need time to grow. Don't try to force the butterfly out of its cocoon, it'll come out when it's ready.
2 years ago
Thank you so much, I just read this and it really helped me. And thank you for the advice about everything, you are such a genuine person and I'm so happy you took the time to write everything for me.
2 years ago
Rachel, let me applaud you for giving Anna her flowers now! Your words are kind and very compassionate. By the way, I'm an INFJ, too. Anna, this is really great advice from someone who has studied these personality traits. Copy and paste these kind words somewhere you can re-read them over and over until they become a part of you.
2 years ago
I am an INFJ and I am currently in college. I have never really fit in and I am struggling at college as I am not able to communicate well with anyone else. I find myself always on my own with no friends. I have never been in a romantic relationship either as I am terrible in social situations. it makes me unhappy as my main goal in life is to have a family.
2 years ago
Same boat. It is really hard to find people I connect to but being in college I realized there is always someone who needs to be listened to and understood. Generally other introverts might be feeling left out and though we might not always have an out of this world connection they are generally the ones who need someone there for them. This way it's not so bad while waiting for that enfp or entp who will be there for you.
2 years ago
Well, I like a girl who is also and INFJ. I'm hoping the fact I am one too will help me relate to her, and help me befriend her! This article perfectly describes the reason I'd like to be her friend (especially since she doesn't really have any close friends. I yearn to be there for her). I know I definitely could learn a lot from her, and I think we could be awesome friends. I hope this goes well
Aaron CW
2 years ago
Sorry Nomad, same-type relationship hardly ever work out. INFJ is supposed to be a good fit for ENTP. They seem like jerks sometimes but usually people with your personality type appreciate their wit and honesty.
1 year ago
Aaron, that was kinda rude and discouraging. Love is love, its doesn't work because it's "suppose to" or because it 'usually' works, it works because you feel it, you feel that it can work, you feel that there is true love. Normad, go for it! Follow your heart! XD <3
2 years ago
I have never felt so understood in my life..
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