“My instinct is to protect my children from pain. But adversity is often the thing that gives us character and backbone.”
As parents, Advocates (INFJs) tend to look at their relationships with their children as opportunities to learn and grow with someone they care about. These personality types also work to achieve another important goal: raising their children to be independent and all-around good people.
Advocate parents generally strive to be devoted and loving toward their children at all times. As they imagine their children’s futures, what Advocates really look forward to is being able to interact and connect as equals with the people they helped raise.
Be Unique, Just Like Me
As their children grow, Advocates may unconsciously project a great deal of their own beliefs onto them. People with this personality type often expect their children to demonstrate the same integrity and honesty that they expect from themselves.
At the same time, Advocate personalities may also push their children to think independently, make their own choices, and develop their own beliefs. Depending on the child’s developmental stage and temperament, they might find these expectations confusing or stressful – even though their Advocate parents have the best of intentions.
If all this independence is taken to heart, it can cause some trouble for Advocate parents as their children move into the more rebellious phase of adolescence. This is especially true if their children choose beliefs that go against their values as Advocate parents. In this situation, Advocates may feel as if their children are criticizing or rejecting them – a hurtful thing to such a sensitive personality type.
A Job Well Done
Ultimately, Advocate parents tend to realize that it isn’t a sign of failure if their children turn out differently than they’d expected. Instead, they come to see this as a sign that they’ve successfully helped raise someone who has the ability to form their own ideals. Advocates’ children often come to appreciate the combination of independence and integrity with which they were raised – especially as they get older.
Advocates strive to make sure that their children grow up with a firm understanding of the difference between right and wrong. Parents with this personality type encourage their children to fight for a cause they believe in and to be the best they can be. Whatever age their children might be, Advocates can find a great deal of fulfillment and meaning simply in helping their children learn to be true to themselves.