INFJ Friends

There is a running theme with INFJs, and that is a yearning for authenticity and sincerity – in their activities, their romantic relationships, and their friendships. People with the INFJ personality type are unlikely to go for friendships of circumstance, like workplace social circles or chatting up their local baristas, where the only thing they really have in common is a day-to-day familiarity. Rather, INFJs seek out people who share their passions, interests and ideologies, people with whom they can explore philosophies and subjects that they believe are truly meaningful.

INFJ friends

Closed Book and Speed Reader

From the start, it can be a challenge to get to know INFJs, as they are very private, even enigmatic. INFJs don’t readily share their thoughts and feelings, not unless they are comfortable, and since those thoughts and feelings are the basis for INFJ friendships, it can take time and persistence to get to know them. Meanwhile, INFJs are very insightful and have a particular knack for seeing beyond others’ facades, interpreting intent and compatibility quickly and easily, and weeding out those who don’t share the depth of their idealism.

In friendship it is as though INFJs are searching for a soul mate, someone who shares every facet of their passions and imagination.

INFJs are often perfectionistic, looking for ultimate compatibility, and yet also look for someone with whom they can grow and improve in tandem. Needless to say, this is a tall order, and INFJs should try to remember that they are a particularly rare personality type, and even if they find someone compatible in that sense, the odds that they will also share every interest are slim. If they don’t learn to meet others halfway and recognize that the kind of self-improvement and depth they demand is simply exhausting for many types, INFJs are likely end up abandoning healthy friendships in their infancy, in search of more perfect compatibilities.

Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack

Further complicating things are INFJs’ eloquence and persuasiveness, which lead to a lot of (unwanted) attention and popularity. Their quiet, determined idealism and imaginative expression naturally draw influence, and if there’s anything INFJs avoid, it’s the accumulation of power over others – and the people who are drawn to that type of power. INFJs will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among INFJs’ true friends is to be authentic, and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.

Once a common thread is found though, people with the INFJ personality type make loyal and supportive companions, encouraging growth and life-enriching experiences with warmth, excitement and care. As trust grows, INFJs will share more of what lies beneath the surface, and if those ideas and motives are mutual, it’s the sort of friendship that will transcend time and distance, lasting a lifetime. INFJs don’t require a great deal of day-to-day attention – for them, quality trumps quantity every time, and over the years they will likely end up with just a few true friendships, built on a richness of mutual understanding that forges an indelible link between them.

3 years ago
This scary true about me...they read my whole life! Very cool! It's a bit sad that this personailty is about 1% of the population, rare..
3 years ago
I can't believe i am reading this.This is way me!I have never understood the way i acted,now i do.Searching back,my life was all me and me alone.I can connect the dots,search the paths that all lead the same way,and end up in the same place.Sometimes things are meant to happen....They aren't a coincidence.
3 years ago
I think the same, haha.
Not your average teenager.
3 years ago
I want to know what you're struggling with, not what you did over the weekend. I want to know how you're feeling, not how the game went last night. I want to support you emotionally, not gossip about the latest trends. I wish I could learn all your secrets and stand by you, not walk past you in hallways. I want to help every single depressed person in the world. Not hear about them. I want to change the world. Not let the world change me.
4 years ago
My friend is this personality and I am an ESFP. I love her. But sometimes she really annoys me and says small negative comments then the next day she is fine. Please help me to repair our relationship.
Jane Bender
3 years ago
It is most likely because she reaches her "people level." As an extravert, you probably don't have one, but it's because she needs time alone to recuperate. Best thing to do is to leave her be, don't nag her, and wait for her social batteries to recharge! It might be the next day, but just leave her be and don't hold it against her. :)
4 years ago
Wow! I could not believe what I was reading! This is me! I am always a councillor, and strangers tell me their secrets but no one except my daughter and husband know ME! I have only had one true friend that knew me and 'got me'..We were friends for 30yrs till she broke my heart (long story)and I had to let her go.. I have not seen her for 9yrs and I miss having someone to tell MY troubles to, small as they may be but all I tend to attract is people that want to offload and/or are jealous of me! As a friend, I give my all once I trust but I need a lot of 'me time' especially after counselling THEM for days on end but then I am seen as uncaring and unloving!! :-O I invest so much energy and time into THEM so I HAVE to refuel or burn out! I care too much but am misunderstood often. I am not a social butterfly naturally, though I CAN put on the show when I HAVE to and have people laughing and thinking that I am having a great time but it exhausts me mentally! I like to be one on one in conversation with someone that can understand or I can learn from, discussing deep meaningful subjects and feel I am wasting my life/time with inane conversation… I get bored and find myself wanting to leave social gatherings. My husband is my friend and my daughter..looks like thats how it will always be
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