INFJ Friends

There is a running theme with INFJs, and that is a yearning for authenticity and sincerity – in their activities, their romantic relationships, and their friendships. People with the INFJ personality type are unlikely to go for friendships of circumstance, like workplace social circles or chatting up their local baristas, where the only thing they really have in common is a day-to-day familiarity. Rather, INFJs seek out people who share their passions, interests and ideologies, people with whom they can explore philosophies and subjects that they believe are truly meaningful.

INFJ friends

Closed Book and Speed Reader

From the start, it can be a challenge to get to know INFJs, as they are very private, even enigmatic. INFJs don’t readily share their thoughts and feelings, not unless they are comfortable, and since those thoughts and feelings are the basis for INFJ friendships, it can take time and persistence to get to know them. Meanwhile, INFJs are very insightful and have a particular knack for seeing beyond others’ facades, interpreting intent and compatibility quickly and easily, and weeding out those who don’t share the depth of their idealism.

In friendship it is as though INFJs are searching for a soul mate, someone who shares every facet of their passions and imagination.

INFJs are often perfectionistic, looking for ultimate compatibility, and yet also look for someone with whom they can grow and improve in tandem. Needless to say, this is a tall order, and INFJs should try to remember that they are a particularly rare personality type, and even if they find someone compatible in that sense, the odds that they will also share every interest are slim. If they don’t learn to meet others halfway and recognize that the kind of self-improvement and depth they demand is simply exhausting for many types, INFJs are likely end up abandoning healthy friendships in their infancy, in search of more perfect compatibilities.

Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack

Further complicating things are INFJs’ eloquence and persuasiveness, which lead to a lot of (unwanted) attention and popularity. Their quiet, determined idealism and imaginative expression naturally draw influence, and if there’s anything INFJs avoid, it’s the accumulation of power over others – and the people who are drawn to that type of power. INFJs will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among INFJs’ true friends is to be authentic, and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.

Once a common thread is found though, people with the INFJ personality type make loyal and supportive companions, encouraging growth and life-enriching experiences with warmth, excitement and care. As trust grows, INFJs will share more of what lies beneath the surface, and if those ideas and motives are mutual, it’s the sort of friendship that will transcend time and distance, lasting a lifetime. INFJs don’t require a great deal of day-to-day attention – for them, quality trumps quantity every time, and over the years they will likely end up with just a few true friendships, built on a richness of mutual understanding that forges an indelible link between them.

4 years ago
This is so true! I love finding new friends but I find it very difficult to open up to them and I can never be really close to them. I have always yearned for a true friend and I don't believe I have a true friend yet. I want a loyal, trust-worthy friend who shares the same opinions and beliefs as me and has the same interests. Oh! I would much rather have long, meaningful conversations with friends rather than just talk about daily activities and things. It makes me so interested and captivated. If only people understood that what I hunger the most is a true friend.
Jane Bender
3 years ago
Thank you for describing my entire life. :)
4 years ago
I'm INFJ, and when I read descriptions on INFJ, I feel validated. I have always felt like an outsider. Forever observing humans and their behaviors to better understand myself, always striving to perfect myself, and always falling short of my own high standards. It feels good to know Im not alone, that Im not the only human who is like this.
4 years ago
This is so true of me. SO happy to have found people that share the same thinking as me!!!
3 years ago
That's exactly what I said when I first discovered the personality types. I said I felt "validated." I think that's something very reassuring for INFJs. It also made me validate other people that I saw as having shortcomings because of my tendency to make judgments. I see now that people are driven by different things and aren't driven in the same way as I am. Tendencies that I saw as making them fickle or flighty must also be validated.
4 years ago
Should I feel lucky or not of being a extremely rare type?
4 years ago
Nearly spot on. Explains things, I really didn't know about myself. I read the traits of friendships, relationships, and careers. Again, nearly spot on. The only thing I could possibly argue, would be the perfectionist trait. I'm definitely no where near a perfectionist, unless it's regarding working on a project. Eerily, accurate.
Heather Sears
4 years ago
I am quite amused by this particular description (INFJ Friends). It matched up perfectly with me, even making me realize things I hadn't even thought of. What really got me what this part: "As INFJs are generally eloquent and persuasive, they tend to be quite popular and influential. The INFJs themselves are often quite bemused by this, as they are very private individuals who do not really need nor enjoy the attention.". It was right on the mark. I often tell people that I like animals better than people, but I've been called "very personable". Overall, the stuff that I've read about this personality type has been spot on. It's shocking because ones I've read before are not. Well done, I say.
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