Romantic Relationships

“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.”

Bertrand Russell

Architects (INTJs) approach romance the way they do most challenges: strategically, with clear-cut goals and a plan for achieving them. In a purely rational world, this approach would be foolproof. Alas, love is rarely rational, and Architects are at risk of overlooking or misinterpreting the unpredictability of human nature and affection.

For people with this personality type, finding a compatible partner can be a particular challenge. Rarely satisfied with things as they are, Architects can’t help but imagine how the world could be better than it already is – and they often bring this same mindset to the realm of love. Unfortunately, if Architects apply a relentlessly critical eye to every potential partner, they may find themselves constantly dissatisfied.

The Woes of Dating

Architects value depth, intelligence, and unmitigated honesty. For them, a relationship that isn’t founded on these values simply isn’t worth pursuing. It might not come as a surprise, then, that the unspoken rules and social niceties of the dating world can seem useless or even insulting to these personalities.

The good news is that Architects’ honesty and refusal to play games can be a breath of fresh air when it comes to dating. The bad news? Many romantic conventions exist for a reason – often because they make people feel comfortable or special or intrigued. And when Architects refuse to play along, they may find dating difficult, if not impossible.

As Architects often learn, the ways of love are hard to describe in a spreadsheet.

As they mature and gain experience, many Architects eventually come to understand the purpose of romantic rituals. Until that point, however, they may decide that dating is too irrational or beneath them. Some people with this personality type might claim to be above the “silliness” of dating in an effort to demonstrate their intellectual superiority. Obviously, this mindset is unlikely to help Architects find or connect with a partner.

Sometimes Architects’ best strategy is to focus on what they enjoy rather than struggle against the rules of dating. Ironically, people with this personality type are often most attractive when they aren’t caught up in trying to be. Just doing what they do best – pursuing the interests that light them up – can help their confidence and intelligence shine.

Architect (INTJ) romantic relationships

Emotion Sickness

This personality type isn’t known for conventional shows of romance, such as sending flowers or writing mushy notes. Most Architects spend more time thinking about love than expressing it. But when they believe that a relationship has potential, Architects are more than capable of giving it their all, even if that takes them out of their comfort zone.

And a healthy, long-term relationship is pretty much guaranteed to take Architects out of their comfort zone at some point. In particular, emotions can feel like a second language to these personalities. When their partner shares strong feelings, Architects’ default is often to shut down or to analyze the situation, rather than simply listening and offering support. And when it’s time for Architects to share the inner workings of their own hearts, they may feel uncomfortable and exposed. For Architects, becoming comfortable with their partner’s emotions – and their own – can take more than a little practice.

Architects aren’t always ready to share their feelings, but it would be a mistake to think that they don’t have feelings – or that those feelings don’t run deep.

Love is rarely easy, but it’s a challenge that can help Architect personalities grow. Through their relationships, they can learn to focus on the present, get in touch with their emotions, remain involved with other people, and stay open to things that they’re not used to. For a personality type so intent on self-development, these opportunities can make love even more satisfying.