“A friend to all is a friend to none.”
Sharp-witted and darkly funny, Architects (INTJs) aren’t everyone’s cup of tea – and they’re okay with that. For the most part, people with this personality type aren’t obsessed with being popular. They don’t spend their time and energy on just anyone, and they can be difficult to get to know.
It would be a mistake, however, to label this personality type as antisocial or unfriendly. Architects do enjoy the pleasure of their own company and their own mind, but they also crave meaningful connections with friends. In fact, few things are more exhilarating to an Architect than the spark that they feel when they’re immersed in conversation with someone who really gets them.
An Intellectual Match
It’s not always easy to befriend an Architect. People with this personality type have little patience for social rules or expectations, and they’d rather spend time alone than with someone who bores or irritates them. Architects tend to have a clear idea of what they expect from their social lives and their friends, and they don’t want to waste too much time on anyone who doesn’t seem to meet these expectations.
From the outside, this might sound dismissive, but the truth is that many Architects have a knack for finding friends in seemingly unlikely places. These personalities aren’t particularly swayed by appearances or social status, so they aren’t afraid to befriend people who might be thought of as “outsiders” by the mainstream. In sizing up a potential friend, Architects don’t particularly care how popular that person is – instead, they consider whether that person has values that are compatible with their own, such as intellect, honesty, self-improvement, or simply a different perspective.
In friendship, Architects are looking for an intellectual match as much as anything else. These personalities crave mental stimulation, and they tend to have the most fun among friends who can challenge their ideas, expose them to new concepts, and steer conversations in unexpected directions.
A Unique Friendship
In their friendships, as in other aspects of their lives, Architects prize independence. Social obligations can feel stifling to people with this personality type. Architects don’t want to feel beholden to their friends, and they don’t want their friends to feel beholden to them. For them, an ideal friendship is low drama, based on true enjoyment of each other’s company rather than obligation.
Of course, any long-term friendship will have its dramatic moments. When sensitive or emotional situations arise, Architects may feel out of their depth. Architects are used to feeling knowledgeable and capable, and this sudden cluelessness can be disorienting for them. Many people with this personality type have to practice listening to their friends in a nonjudgmental, supportive way rather than jumping in immediately with solutions and advice.
The good news is that, among friends they know and respect, Architects have no trouble relaxing and being themselves. Architects’ sarcasm and witty banter may not be for everyone – especially people who struggle to read between the lines. But these personalities reward their true friends with candor and insight, along with an endless supply of fascinating stories, ideas, and conversations.