INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

4 months ago
"This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types" This is fairly accurate, I have one ENTP, three INFPs, and an INTP. The only other INTJ I know is my dad.
6 months ago
Alright, so I’m a tried and true INTJ and a lot of what made me question this test in the first place was my choice in friends. I decided to cunduct a small experiment of my own, in which I asked the five friends I would consider my closest. (I use the term “friends” loosely as I only invest any time in three). The results I was presented with showed that each one of them had the type INFP. Has anyone else noticed this in their own experience?
7 months ago
"This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types". OMG. This is so true. I currently have 2 very close friends(an ENFP, she's one of the coolest people I know and an INTJ, I always thought of him as my male version but was nevertheless taken aback to find we shared a personality type all the time. I really like him and he seems to like me too, but because we are both INTJs and "clueless in romance", we never admit it), 1 friend and classmate I'm just starting to bond with(she's an INFJ/INTJ, 49% Thinking, one of the most interesting and pleasant people I've ever met. I think she finds me a little pushy at times, but her Feeling trait seems to really help her read and understand others, for she knows how to handle me perfectly compared to my other classmates), a small gang of old friends with whom I travel but don't know as well as I'd like because we live far away and only visit each other 1-2 times a month or so (they are a boisterous ENTP who needs to be shown the right road , a charming, clumsy and a little dim-witted ENFJ, his sarcastic parcour-loving brother who's an ENTJ, an INTJ with passion for history and physics and finally, a video games obsessed and annoying ESTP, brother of INTJ) and my neighbours, who keep me and my sister company mostly during the hot summer days we don't have the chance to go to our farther friends. This siblings trio includes a carefree-looking INFP(the youngest and often pushed around by her Thinking siblings), her cat-loving ISTJ sister(it's ok, it's clearly stated in their profile, that they usually have at least one close Intuitive friend. We do argue, but it's rare) and finally, their big INTP brother, another parcour lover, who loves to ride a bike reaaallly fast and make sharp and witty remarks. The Intuitive friends rule could be applied for relatives as well. The majority of my relatives are Observant and really, the only people I can truly relate to are my mom and aunt (INFJs) and my cousins(INFPs). I love my dad and we share interests but I often snap at him for being stubborn and narrow-minded. I realise that as an ISTJ, he sometimes can't help it, but it's still annoying, for he doesn't even seem to try and aim for a better understanding. My ISFJ grandma and ISTP(?) grandpa are just out of question. The rule cannot be applied for siblings, though, at least in my case. My INTP sister and I can't stand each other for most part. Really, my worst "friends"(mostly classmates, past and present I'm forced or was forced to spend time with) are all Observant types. I have an ISFJ classmate chat buddy, she's so nice and caring but we are so different it hurts. Another is an ESTJ. We occasionally team up around our shared hatred for people in general but for most part, she's so traditional, boring and explosive(I'm sure she's a Turbulent ESTJ), I want to throw her out of the window. Then, there's that needy ESTJ classmate who has no idea where her life is leading her. I really wish I didn't have to constantly help her(I tried to "cooperate" with her at first, because I thought she might be good for team projects, simply because she was so happy to let me do it all myself rather than bother me), but I seem to have grown somewhat fond of her, she's just too adorable in that constant helpless and confused state of hers and I seem to have a soft spot in my heart for people like that, as long as they are not too much trouble. It may seem like I have more friends than the average Architect, but I rarely need their company as much as one could imagine(they realise this though and never question or judge me for it). In fact, I often feel over-helmed even by the company of my own dog(a corgi, as incompatible in personality as one could imagine, I'd swap some of his personality characteristics for those of a terrier any time, poor little fella), let alone the company of other people.
9 months ago
I saw the icons of Terran and Zerg from Starcraft on the picture and knew this was me. My best and only friend started our friendship off of Starcraft and has been going strong ever since, with other strategy games of course.
1 year ago
It's hard for me to actually find someone who can be my real friend
Your name: