Architect Personality

(What’s the difference?)

Romantic Relationships

“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.”

Bertrand Russell

In romance, people with the Architect personality type approach things the way they do most situations: they create a well-designed plan with precise expectations and the right end goal. Here, the goal is a healthy long-term relationship. They rarely fall head over heels in love in a way that involves spontaneous passion and romance. Architects find potential partners who meet certain established criteria, break the dating process down into measurable steps, then complete the plan with great precision.

In a purely rational world, this would be foolproof. However, it ignores important factors that Architects are likely to easily dismiss, such as human nature.

People with the Architect personality type are intellectual, always developing a world in their heads that is more perfect than reality. Other people entering their worlds need to fit this fantasy in some way – even if only by agreeing with their concepts. It can be incredibly difficult for Architects to find someone up to the task. Finding a compatible partner is the most significant challenge the majority of Architects will face in life.

Direct and Honest Over Social Rites

Sentiment, tradition, and emotion are Architects’ weaknesses, and social gestures that seem not to have a clear purpose are often viewed by Architects as silly, even insulting. The problem is that common, ritualistic dating practices grew over time to make introductions between potential partners easier. They help couples gradually develop a connection. Architects’ liking for directness and honesty, in both word and deed, often go against these unspoken social agreements and niceties. This can make dating difficult for them.

The lesson Architects often learn is that the ways of love are hard to describe on a spreadsheet.

As they mature, Architects often come to see romantic rituals as important. But until they do, it can be risky, especially for Turbulent Architects. If they are shot down too many times when younger, they may decide that everyone else is too irrational or beneath them intellectually. If cynicism takes hold, Architect personalities may begin to show off their intellectual superiority – as they place themselves above such “silliness.” Being alone then becomes their unintentional choice – a kind of surrender to a life without love.

Always Cool

The positive side of Architects’ “giving up” is that they are most attractive when they aren’t trying to be attractive, most appealing when they are doing what they do best. Generally, that means working in a familiar environment where their confidence and intelligence can shine. Allowing others to come to them is often Architects’ best strategy. Then, if they believe a relationship has potential, they will spare no effort in developing and maintaining stability and long-term satisfaction.

Architect (INTJ) romantic relationships

Once a relationship begins, an Architect’s significant other will find an imaginative and enthusiastic companion. Architects typically give a huge amount of freedom to the people they love, and are often trusting partners. People with the Architect personality type may never be very comfortable sharing their feelings, and they may spend more time thinking about love than expressing it. But, using their strategic thinking, they usually figure out how to make a situation work for everyone – including the act of falling in love.

Architects seek strong, deep relationships, and trust their knowledge and logic to ensure that their partner is satisfied, both intellectually and physically.

But when it comes to emotional satisfaction, Architects are often out of their element. Not every partner likes addressing conflicts and emotional needs as cold puzzles to be analyzed and solved like Architects do.

Sometimes emotions need to be expressed for their own sake, and putting every outburst under the microscope, as Architects are prone to do, isn’t always helpful. If outbursts become a habit needing constant attention, or Architects think they may, these personalities can simply end the relationship. They’ll see this as more rational than dragging things out to their exhausting conclusion.

Truth and Morality

Architects value depth and intelligence, bringing stability and insight into their romantic relationships. They prize honest communication, and everything in a relationship is open to discussion and change. But this must be returned by their partners.

Architects do what they think is right regardless of feelings, and sometimes that comes across as cold. It’s important for their partners to know that Architects don’t make these decisions lightly. They spend tremendous time and energy trying to understand why and how things go wrong, and they hurt deeply when things fall apart. This is especially true if they’ve taken the difficult risk of committing themselves.

Their challenge is finding partners who share those same values. While no personality type is excluded from this, each provides its own unique challenges. It can be important for Architects to feel like they’re on common footing on at least a few fronts, making some shared traits a potentially important factor. But they shouldn’t necessarily go around looking for another Architect. Each opposing trait brings the opportunity for great personal growth.

Having one or two counter-balancing personality traits – such as Extraverted (E), Observant (S), Feeling (F), or Prospecting (P) – can help keep a relationship dynamic and growth-oriented. They challenge Architects to remain involved with other people, focus on the present, get in touch with their emotions, and stay open to things they’re not used to. To a type so intent on their own development, these differences can make all the difference.

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