INTJ Relationships

In romance, people with the INTJ personality type approach things the way they do with most situations: they compose a series of calculated actions with a predicted and desirable end goal – a healthy long-term relationship. Rather than falling head over heels in a whirlwind of passion and romance, INTJs identify potential partners who meet a certain range of pre-determined criteria, break the dating process down into a series of measurable milestones, then proceed to execute the plan with clinical precision.

In a purely rational world, this is a fool-proof methodology – but in reality, it ignores significant details that INTJs are likely to dismiss prematurely, such as human nature. INTJs are brilliantly intellectual, developing a world in their heads that is more perfect than reality. People entering this world need to fit this fantasy, and it can be incredibly difficult for INTJs to find someone up to the task. Needless to say, finding a compatible partner is the most significant challenge most INTJs will face in life.

Politeness Is Artificial Good Humor

Sentiment, tradition, and emotion are INTJs’ Achilles Heel. Social standards like chivalry are viewed by INTJs as silly, even demeaning. The problem is, these standards have developed as a means of smoothing introductions and developing rapport, of managing expectations, the basis of personal relationships. INTJs’ propensity for frank honesty in word and action tends to violate this social contract, making dating especially difficult for them.

As they mature, INTJs will come to recognize these factors as relevant, incorporating pace and emotional availability into their plans. But the meantime can be dangerous, especially for more Turbulent INTJs – if they are shot down too many times they may come to the conclusion that everyone else is simply too irrational, or simply beneath them intellectually. If cynicism takes hold, INTJs may end up falling into the trap of intentionally displaying intellectual arrogance, making solitude their choice rather than happenstance.

Always Remain Cool

The positive side of INTJs’ “giving up” is that they are most attractive when they aren’t trying to be attractive, working in a familiar environment where their confidence and intelligence can be seen in action. Allowing others to come to them is often INTJs’ best strategy, and if they perceive a potential to the relationship, they will spare no effort in developing and maintaining stability and long-term satisfaction.

INTJ romantic relationships

As their relationships develop, INTJs’ partners will find an imaginative and enthusiastic companion, who will share their world and at the same time grant a huge degree of independence and trust. While INTJs may never be fully comfortable expressing their feelings, and may spend more time theorizing about intimacy than engaging in it, they can always be relied upon to think out a mutually beneficial solution to any situation.

INTJs seek strong, deep relationships, and trust their knowledge and logic to ensure that their partner is satisfied, both intellectually and physically.

But when it comes to emotional satisfaction, INTJs are simply out of their element. Not every partner has the sort of fun INTJs do in addressing conflicts and emotional needs as puzzles to be analyzed and solved. Sometimes emotions need to be expressed for their own sake, and putting every outburst under the microscope isn’t always helpful. If this becomes habit, or INTJs think it may, they are capable of simply ending the relationship, rather than dragging things out.

Truth and Morality

INTJs are bewilderingly deep and intelligent people, bringing stability and insight into their romantic relationships. They prize honest, open communication, and all factors of the relationship are open to discussion and change, but this must be reciprocated. INTJs do what they think is right, and sometimes that comes across as cold – it’s important to know that INTJs don’t make these decisions lightly. They spend a tremendous amount of time and energy trying to understand why and how things go wrong, especially if they’ve devoted themselves to the relationship, and they certainly hurt deeply when things fall apart.

The challenge is finding partners who share those same values – though Intuitive (N) types are uncommon, they may be a must for many INTJs, as sharing this trait creates an immediate sense of mutual belonging. Having one or two balancing traits, such as Extraversion (E), Feeling (F), or Prospecting (P) can help to keep a relationship dynamic and growth-oriented by keeping INTJs involved with other people, in touch with their emotions, and open to alternate potentials.

11 months ago
I hated me back then. It's only tradition human invented, sitting goal to justify their failure.. I am happy alone, and I will not accept weakness in my life, I can't risk misusing myself again and suffering for being true to others.
1 year ago
I guess this explains why I like to keep to myself, the few friends I have and never seem to fit in with most people. Also explains my relationship difficulties. Im always trying to find a intellectual person to spend my life with. Most people don't like bothering with me though due to my unique unconventional personality.
7 months ago
*nods in agreement*
2 years ago
Hard to say anything new after all these comments from other INTJ-s who experience the very same I did and still do. As the rare bird I find it very hard to connect to people as they simply do not understand me, while I get their points. Hate it but thats reality. Of course there are a few refreshing exceptions. I do want to be in contact with a few selected people, but not with everyone, I simply dont need justification from others. I am with those people because I like their minds and hearts, the way they see the world, and how they align their acts with their thoughts. For me that is the ideal picture of relations, be it with a friend or with someone I am sexually attracted to. It has been long years since I have been in real relationship. Before and after that I had lets say some attempts but the last one said he could not love a woman who is like me: independent, mature in mind, open to opportunities, someone who cannot be controlled. I told him he wasted 6 weeks of my life and left the place. Yeah my super-villain self just came out and I loved it :D But despite all above I live a very balanced and happy life with super job, passionate hobby, regular ballet classes and with an INTJ bestie and I travel a LOT, so all in all I am already at 100%.
2 years ago
The above really describes me perfectly. I'm not really sure as to what kind of personality type goes well with me, but I'd really like to date a INTJ or INTP. Spend most of our time bouncing random theories off each other, or analyzing mutual friends or solving random puzzles. That would be the life.
1 year ago
3 years ago
I'm proud to be an INTJ! I'm only scanning through these comments, and as I can see, many of us are single...haha. I'm just glad I can learn more about myself and others. Even if it does say that I'm so socially awkward for romance! Speaking of romance I did fall for a guy back some time ago. Just as the article says, I think he meets all my expectations! Sadly though, he moved away. As you can guess I never told him, being the INTJ...ugh.
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