INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

5 years ago
Good to know I have company out there and I am not just a strange being as most people perceive me to be. I would rather spend time alone than with friends who have too much drama, it tires me emotionally. And I thought that I was strange because I do not like being hugged and I really choose who to hug so when someone is so hands on it makes my skin crawl. Glad to know I am not that odd after all.
5 years ago
I feel like looking a mirror. I really hate the part when I have to admit that I see people are idiots when they don't understand my train of thought, I used to think I'm humble person, but it seems symbol arrogance -_-
5 years ago
Showing my emotions have never been my strong suit, at 14 I've suffered from depression and no-one even noticed! (it was bad...). Some just think I'm some kind of robot. I wouldn't consider myself to have many friends, in fact i know many people that strongly dislike me ( but that's most likely because I'm not afraid to stand up to them) Even my friends don't know me. I was wondering if anyone else has been in this situation at my age? and if they have any advice. I do have friends and i am incredibly loyal and fiercely protective of them, but I'm not sure what to do.
5 years ago
II as an INTJ find some of my friends emotions confusing. And relate better with people close to my own intelligence. While I do not judge people by their intelligence at first sight.I admit at times I treat these friends like over emotional freaks when they have a "breakdown". I am not a robot incapable of emotion but when I cry I feel as if I'm showing weakness not when my friends do. I have empathy and remorse but I do not dwell on such things like some people do. And I also don't understand why some people get upset when I state the obvious and/or I make a joke. And why do people think we're so confident I mean I am seriously shy I can barely look my best friend in the eyes let alone complete strangers.
5 years ago
Agree with JR. However, not entirely sure about my type, since it varies with how test questions are phrased. I'm actually reading up on this type thing not to affirm a personality type, but because of this 'intellectual curiosity'. A lot of these tests have come back to me with an INTJ, so I guess I'll give them the benefit of the doubt / majority wins, yada yada. I wholly identify with being intellectually curious, rather than a know-it-all. I'm pretty fascinated with things like world-views, the human psyche, etc., so "why" is extremely important to me. As for judging, it's just second nature to file people based on their areas of intelligence and levels of competency to use them as needed. I kind of see all relationships as transactions anyway - use and be used on a basic level - very rarely do I ever do it out of meanness. Not sure why a number of people see this as something bad - it's efficient, and pays off later. And when they prove more competent than originally thought, I'm usually impressed. After that I re-categorise them appropriately, and hope they are one of the rare few in the minefield of stupid who'll make actual, worthy, potential friends. I get why this can come across robotic, entitled, obnoxious, etc. but it's just filtering mechanism at work... the price of craving good, intellectual company. Acquaintances aren't friends, just... background static to be tolerated most days.
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