INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

4 years ago
A question guys ... Why is it that - if I am an intj - that I can 'get ' people at all different levels ? The only problem I have with this is that most people will not pass the friend test with my partner - I've worked in sales and this has always puzzled me- people I can enjoy a conversation with don't make some amazing. Test for lifetime friend It really does not mean that I dislike these people
4 years ago
This actually explains a lot about my best friend an INTJ. I am also an analyst (INTP) so we are very similar in ways. We rarely have fights that are based on emotional unease, and we rarely delve beyond our exteriors and have these heart to heart conversations. Instead we have other ways of revealing and expressing ourselves. Mostly our conversations are based on our mutual interests in unconventional and intellectual topics. For instance we have these idealistic visions of punk rock influenced anarchy and chaos taking over and breaking the rigid social constructs of the corporate world. Although we know the unlikeliness of this happening in reality, we enjoy strategising methods of making this happen, and imagining the utopia of this goal being achieved. That being said ideas are often better than reality. For others, I think our typical conversations are hard to catch on because they don't center around trivial things like gossip, or emotional strife. This makes it hard for us to relate to others and as a result we have become very close and have few other friends. But since we have pride in being able to relate to eachother on a unique and intellectual level, no one else really matters to us that much. Often we are very sarcastic and this sometimes can hurt others. It limits most others from truly understanding us and it can stop us from understanding each other. But it is funny and most importantly we do like to have fun. Although we are very honest and straightforward we are not so in the emotional sense. For example I can be very honest in my opinions and beliefs e.g. 'I am Christian' and not be afraid of being judged. But being honest in on an emotional or personal level is quite different as I am much less likely to say 'I will miss you a lot' or 'I don't want to see you'. Sometimes we devise subtle ways such as metaphors for saying these kind of emotionally charged messages. Its like a secret language that is likely to frustrate others. All in all I agree with nearly everything this section states except for the low maintenance part. Because we are very good friends and feel there are few others like us, we need eachother constantly. We are actually very social and while we may not enjoy being with many other people, we enjoy being with eachother. I do hope we can someday reveal our emotional sentiments but already I think our friendship is special in this intellectual and unconventional way.
Cristina Hecate
4 years ago
I understand why I have such few friends... I tend to ignore people that bore me... And small talk is so tiring when there is nothing interesting said. I have a good friend who is an ENTJ and we are are great together.
Amir Fitri
4 years ago
As an INTJ myself, i found that the low maintenance part is very funny, but ironically accurate as well. I don't see the reason to give wishes to everyone on any festival(s), though i can see it as an act of keeping touch with other people. But as I grew up, the feeling that I need to do that becomes less and less sensible to me. I might say the closest friend that an INTJ can have is their family; not even roommates can become a friend (as they are more to professional relationship on living together in the same room). What an INTJ value in friend is someone who can prove them wrong, provide opinions they don't know, understand that they are a socially low maintenance kind of person, and also people who find joys in giving us INTJs problem as a way to improve our intelligence. Personally, I don't like being given problems just for the sake of answering/solving. And it is frustrating too, for me, knowing that I can't establish connections like other people can, other than professional ones.
4 years ago
Everything you say here is so spot on,...this just made me laugh,''What an INTJ value in friend is someone who can prove them wrong'' i really do enjoy debating with a person who is able to win and present me with a facet I may have missed, and I respect people who are able to debate rationally i.e without getting emotional!...And yes, I am low maintenance as a friend, my close friends understand they do not have to keep in touch with me all the time and should just get to the point when they are trying to tell me something rather than go round in circles.
4 years ago
I would say, as I have aged, I have gotten much better at dealing with people, including learning to keep my mouth shut when it will suit my purposes. I have learned to smile and greet. The part about me being low maintenance is very accurate. I hate cheek-kissing and hugging (except my children, spouse)
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