INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

1 year ago
I want to make friends. I wish to be kinder and not be mean to others. I do not wish to hurt other's feelings anymore. I recently 'lost a friend' because of what I said. I've been trying to reconcile with him but he has been avoiding for almost a week now. As each day passes, I feel more pained by his cold treatment to me because he means something to me. His someone I could call a friend. I thought he was just bluffing but I figured that he wasn't. He still acted normally around others but I don't see him laugh more often as he did back then. At first, I didn't consider him as a friend but when we grew a bit closer, certainly in my heart I did think of him as that. I'm going to try apologizing to him again for the last time and if he won't accept that, then I guess our 'friendship' was that shallow. I'm sorry for venting out but I just wish to tell you that you should really treat your friends nicely especially since it is really hard to find someone you could truly call a friend.
4 months ago
I'm sorry because of what happened between you two. I know this comment is very late, but, as an INTP, I related so much to your situation that it could have been me as well who wrote your comment. The exact same thing happened to me more than a year ago because of me trying to be completely transparent and open with my friend. He started avoiding me in person and he only talked to me if I talked to him first (which was uncommon given that he was an extrovert), but he behaved normally around others. This went on for about a week or perhaps even more. To this day, I'm still unsure of what exactly was it that upset him, since I was only trying to do what I thought was the right thing. It confused me, but moreover it hurt me a lot. He said he had forgiven me, but his behavior told otherwise, so we drifted apart soon afterwards. I guess what I want to say is that many of us have had to go through that. It's not easy, but we've survived. If something of the sort ever happens to you again, remember that everything is a learning experience that lets us grow (Remember, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"?). I see you want to improve, and that is great. The best way to be nice to people is to stop and think before acting; Do not let your mood or your intuition get the best of you in the spur of the moment. Of course, you cannot fit people into a mold and the way you act should depend on the person who is in front of you. But you will still make mistakes, and you have to remain strong. We all take bad decisions in our life and none of us is perfect, but you should never give up.
2 years ago
20 years.still haven't met anyone like me.everyone else just looks lost like I see something they don' I can't associate with them I just involuntarily repel them so.I'm still friendless.I don't mind for the most part.
2 years ago
Does anyone here feel that the title, 'friend' is being misused and thrown around a lot? If I newly acquaint myself to someone for the first time, they automatically consider me as a 'best friend'. If I just call them a acquaintance, or maybe even a stranger they get unnecessarily butt-hurt, even though I'm simply stating the truth (not that it bothers me).
2 years ago
Hahahahahaha. It's so weird to read that from someone else. And yes, I totally know that feel. It's not just that word; there are lots of words being misused, and it's kinda frustrating. That's why I had to 'deceive' my mind into thinking that every person lives in their own world, so every person has their own definitions on these "ambiguous" concepts.
1 year ago
I'm ISFJ but I don't make REAL friends easily because I can't trust someone I don't know and I'm hard to get to know....I call people "friends" for lack of a better word. One of my closest friends is INTJ and she id awesome:)
2 years ago
Weeeellll... I am sarcastic, like EXTREMELY sarcastic, but I like to think of it more as intelligent humor. If you can't keep up, you aren't worthy of my time. Surprisingly, the people who are my competitors aren't my friends, but I would like to fix that; as they say, "Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."
Matter Incarnate
2 years ago
Same here mate! Some of my aqquaintences think I am constantly serious 24/7, but in actuality, 40% of my time conscious is spent muttering sarcastic phrases. With my actual friends, however, they know when I am and am not serious, a true sign that we are more than mere Facebook "friends". And to the quote, my rivals/former rivals are actually pretty distant (but I do not talk to them much; INTJ I am...).
Foo Foo
3 years ago
That's really interesting, my best friends are all NFs, huh, never thought about that.
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