INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

5 years ago
Agree with JR. However, not entirely sure about my type, since it varies with how test questions are phrased. I'm actually reading up on this type thing not to affirm a personality type, but because of this 'intellectual curiosity'. A lot of these tests have come back to me with an INTJ, so I guess I'll give them the benefit of the doubt / majority wins, yada yada. I wholly identify with being intellectually curious, rather than a know-it-all. I'm pretty fascinated with things like world-views, the human psyche, etc., so "why" is extremely important to me. As for judging, it's just second nature to file people based on their areas of intelligence and levels of competency to use them as needed. I kind of see all relationships as transactions anyway - use and be used on a basic level - very rarely do I ever do it out of meanness. Not sure why a number of people see this as something bad - it's efficient, and pays off later. And when they prove more competent than originally thought, I'm usually impressed. After that I re-categorise them appropriately, and hope they are one of the rare few in the minefield of stupid who'll make actual, worthy, potential friends. I get why this can come across robotic, entitled, obnoxious, etc. but it's just filtering mechanism at work... the price of craving good, intellectual company. Acquaintances aren't friends, just... background static to be tolerated most days.
5 years ago
Friendships... It's so much work, especially if an impending friend is a drama queen. I have 2-3 really good friends who get me, I trust them and their intellect, and enjoy hanging out with them. Everyone else is exhausting.
5 years ago
Just speaking for myself (a confirmed INTJ), I'm more concerned with intellectual curiosity than intellectual firepower. I have friends of all religious and political stripes, all walks of life, and all levels of education. All that I ask of them is that they are willing to ask "why" about everything? Granted, this skews my friend set towards the religiously and politically moderate, but that's how I'm wired. As for intelligence, I find that it's generally a byproduct of this intellectual curiosity rather than a driver of it.
5 years ago
Looking at some of the comments I must add that if someone is truly an INTJ they won't have any qualms about judging and will on the contrary do it as a 2nd nature....It is a more like a way to categorize and set expectations than to belittle or berate someone. INTJ's aren't bad people they simply like to see things for the way they are.
5 years ago
That is exactly it. Why wouldn't someone want to analyze the abilities of their coworkers, for example, to best assess how they can be utilized to complete the tasks at hand? If that comes across as judgmental, then fine, so be it. You are making a judgement on how to accomplish something the most efficient way possible with the highest probability of success. If that means you have to exclude someone incapable of doing a task, isn't the problem really that this individual cannot complete the task? Homer Simpson works at a nuclear power plant, would YOU rely on him to do a critical task if he were your coworker? Yet if you judge him to be incompetent regardless of his standing, the problem is with the INTJ? This is what is wrong with society and the workplace from the perspective of an INTJ. They want to surround themselves only with that is necessary and beneficial to their lives and careers. They'd love it if this wasn't necessary, but it is. We see failure constantly and know it's sources. Yet this personality type is also often the most accepting to admit they were wrong when they find value in another's abilities or contributions they didn't see before. They welcome this as they've gained insight. Honestly, I don't see a problem in wanting to gain the respect of an INTJ, as it means that individual has bettered themselves and their own lives. If someone finds fault with an INTJ because one has found them to be mediocre, perhaps they should spend some introspective time evaluating themselves before ridiculing the INTJ for being too judgemental.
5 years ago
Haha I can't believe how judgemental INTJ's are. I am also guilty in this category as I always feel the need judge a person/situation although it is socially not acceptable and people are welcome to do the same. Someone must first prove that they are above the average margin before I retract my judgement as to avoid disappointment....There is just something satisfactory about your prediction/judgement being true!
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