INFP Relationships

INFPs are dreamy idealists, and in the pursuit of the perfect relationship, this quality shows strongest. Never short on imagination, INFPs dream of the perfect relationship, forming an image of this pedestalled ideal that is their soul mate, playing and replaying scenarios in their heads of how things will be. This is a role that no person can hope to fill, and people with the INFP personality type need to recognize that nobody’s perfect, and that relationships don’t just magically fall into place – they take compromise, understanding and effort.

INFP romantic relationships

Love All, Trust a Few, Do Wrong to None

Fortunately these are qualities that INFPs are known for, and while it can be a challenge to separate long-fostered fantasy from reality, INFPs’ tendency to focus their attention on just a few people in their lives means that they will approach new relationships wholeheartedly, with a sense of inherent value, dedication and trust.

INFPs share a sincere belief in the idea of relationships – that two people can come together and make each other better and happier than they were alone, and they will take great efforts to show support and affection in order to make this ideal a reality.

But INFPs aren’t necessarily in a rush to commit – they are, after all, Prospecting (P) types, and are almost always looking to either establish a new relationship or improve an existing one – they need to be sure they’ve found someone compatible. In dating, INFPs will often start with a flurry of comparisons, exploring all the ways the current flame matches with the ideal they’ve imagined. This progression can be a challenge for a new partner, as not everyone is able to keep up with INFPs’ rich imagination and moral standards – if incompatibilities and conflict over this initial rush mount, the relationship can end quickly, with INFPs likely sighing that "it wasn’t meant to be."

As a relationship takes hold, people with the INFP personality type will show themselves to be passionate, hopeless romantics, while still respecting their partners’ independence. INFPs take the time to understand those they care about, while at the same time helping them to learn, grow and change. While INFPs are well-meaning, not everyone appreciates what can come across as constantly being told that they need to improve – or, put another way, that they’re not good enough. INFPs would be aghast to find that their intents were interpreted this way, but it’s a real risk, and if their partner is as averse to conflict as INFPs themselves, it can boil under the surface for some time before surfacing, too late to fix.

Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late

This aversion to conflict, while contributing greatly to stability in the relationship when done right, is probably the most urgent quality for INFPs to work on. Between their sensitivity and imagination, INFPs are prone to internalizing even objective statements and facts, reading into them themes and exaggerated consequences, sometimes responding as though these comments are metaphors designed to threaten the very foundations of their principles. Naturally this is almost certainly an overreaction, and INFPs should practice what they preach, and focus on improving their ability to respond to criticism with calm objectivity, rather than irrational accusations and weaponized guilt.

But that’s at their uncommon worst – at their best, INFPs do everything they can to be the ideal partner, staying true to themselves and encouraging their partners to do the same. INFPs take their time in becoming physically intimate so that they can get to know their partners, using their creativity to understand their wants and needs, and adapt to them. People with this personality type are generous in their affection, with a clear preference for putting the pleasure of their partners first – it is in knowing that their partners are satisfied that INFPs truly feel the most pleasure.

4 years ago
I was doubtful at first about this, and unsure whether I truly fit into any personality type, but when I got to this section, I knew exactly where I belong. But I'm also a little disappointed, I get that it's a pretty special thing to be, but my dream has always been for me to become an outgoing person who can make a big difference, everyone does I guess, and it kindof hurts. Is this also a trait of being an INFP?
4 years ago
I appear to be INFP and can totally relate. Some introverts can act extroverted, but not me. It was always my dream to be the extrovert! I took the test last night and my introvert percentage is 90!!! I think we need to learn to love and accept ourselves as we are and change the world in our own way...whatever that is. It's difficult, because we feel passionately about things! The internet seems to be the ideal tool for us INFPs though. Good Luck to you!
4 years ago
Just because you are INFP doesn't mean you can't be outgoing. I am extremely INFP but I am a leader of a youth group movement and do a lot of energetic public speaking. I just can't ALWAYS be surrounded by people or I get too stressed.
4 years ago
This is crazy how much it is like me! The part about roleplaying and playing out scenarios about falling in love is so accurate!
Kurt Bruestle
4 years ago
I am so kind and loving that it makes my partner feel like she isn't worthy, which makes me feel terrible. We are constantly worrying about each other to the point where we hurt each other. We both think the other person is so much better then ourselves. I care about her so much, but that makes her feel bad. She thinks that she is ruining the relationship, but I don't know what she is talking about. I just want her to be happy. That is my highest priority.
4 years ago
I'm an INFP married to an ISFJ. It's perfect (for me at least). He understands what it's like to need alone time; we often spend this time together, neither of us saying a word for hours at a time and it's 100% comfortable. He's also an inspiration; I love his dedication to and love of his work. He supports and encourages me and I do the same for him. I couldn't imagine myself with an Extrovert. My best friend is one, and while I love her dearly and enjoy the time we spend together, I often find that her excited nature leaves me exhausted and in need of recharging. I never feel the need to "get away" from my husband.
4 years ago
I'm actually having a difficult time keeping a long-term relationship?? There is a weird need I have in a relationship to break up with my bf/gf after only a few months because "I don't feel like myself"... And tbh, I don't usually rush to "sexual intimacy" myself but if he/she wants it I'll just let it flow... "INFPs are prone to reacting to stressful situations very emotionally, as if their entire value system is being threatened. They may also resort to guilt-tripping or irrational accusations. It is really important that people with this personality type develop their ability to take criticism calmly and objectively. INFPs’ imagination can easily come up with many different negative ideas and assumptions – this should be prevented at all costs." This paragraph is incredibly true to me
4 years ago
You really shouldn't though. Sex (sexual acts period) belongs within the constraints of marriage.
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