INFJ Friends

There is a running theme with INFJs, and that is a yearning for authenticity and sincerity – in their activities, their romantic relationships, and their friendships. People with the INFJ personality type are unlikely to go for friendships of circumstance, like workplace social circles or chatting up their local baristas, where the only thing they really have in common is a day-to-day familiarity. Rather, INFJs seek out people who share their passions, interests and ideologies, people with whom they can explore philosophies and subjects that they believe are truly meaningful.

INFJ friends

Closed Book and Speed Reader

From the start, it can be a challenge to get to know INFJs, as they are very private, even enigmatic. INFJs don’t readily share their thoughts and feelings, not unless they are comfortable, and since those thoughts and feelings are the basis for INFJ friendships, it can take time and persistence to get to know them. Meanwhile, INFJs are very insightful and have a particular knack for seeing beyond others’ facades, interpreting intent and compatibility quickly and easily, and weeding out those who don’t share the depth of their idealism.

In friendship it is as though INFJs are searching for a soul mate, someone who shares every facet of their passions and imagination.

INFJs are often perfectionistic, looking for ultimate compatibility, and yet also look for someone with whom they can grow and improve in tandem. Needless to say, this is a tall order, and INFJs should try to remember that they are a particularly rare personality type, and even if they find someone compatible in that sense, the odds that they will also share every interest are slim. If they don’t learn to meet others halfway and recognize that the kind of self-improvement and depth they demand is simply exhausting for many types, INFJs are likely end up abandoning healthy friendships in their infancy, in search of more perfect compatibilities.

Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack

Further complicating things are INFJs’ eloquence and persuasiveness, which lead to a lot of (unwanted) attention and popularity. Their quiet, determined idealism and imaginative expression naturally draw influence, and if there’s anything INFJs avoid, it’s the accumulation of power over others – and the people who are drawn to that type of power. INFJs will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among INFJs’ true friends is to be authentic, and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.

Once a common thread is found though, people with the INFJ personality type make loyal and supportive companions, encouraging growth and life-enriching experiences with warmth, excitement and care. As trust grows, INFJs will share more of what lies beneath the surface, and if those ideas and motives are mutual, it’s the sort of friendship that will transcend time and distance, lasting a lifetime. INFJs don’t require a great deal of day-to-day attention – for them, quality trumps quantity every time, and over the years they will likely end up with just a few true friendships, built on a richness of mutual understanding that forges an indelible link between them.

11 months ago
The part about Advocates always searching for more compatible friendships and romantic relationships is definitely true, as well as the sad reality (or at least sad for Advocates such as myself) that the chances of them ever finding someone with that compatibility is very slim, and so when they throw away or ignore friendships that are good enough in hopes of finding an even better friendship, they are really just throwing out a good enough friendship, only for no one else to come along and offer a better one.
3 months ago
Yes! I almost want to say I’m lonely yet it’s not like that really. I just would like to have human contact that does not require constantly listening and not being heard. And all the lying and Circular stories that can’t end due to in authentic mindset . But I do love being alone out of need to recharge. But long for companionship that doesn’t annoy me!!!!
1 year ago
This is definitely relatable! I notice that people sometimes aspire to be similar to me in terms of personality and demeanour. They would also often come to me for advice as if I'm some counsellor or adviser. They ask me if I've ever had similar experiences and how I acted. Even if I didn't experience it, they would ask how I would come about it if I did. Whenever I answer them, I habitually finish off with, "But don't take my word for it and start applying my knowledge to your situations. That is just how I would personally act and I know that you would act differently despite my input." Sometimes they go ahead with it, anyway, and that's exactly what fears me the most. I would feel as if I had influenced them or had some sort of power over them. If something went wrong, like their plan backfired, then, even if they don't say that it is so, then I know that I am at fault because I accidentally and unintentionally planted the idea in my mind. It really doesn't help that everything I do seems to go perfectly, so sometimes my classmates perceive me as somebody who is either very fortunate or have good thinking and analysis skills in the sense that I could think about the situation and think logically. I think that this makes them want to do whatever I do as it goes well for me. There is this girl in my school who asked me how I was so intelligent (because I kept hitting the highest grades that I could get in my assessments, for example) and I was very reluctant to say because I really didn't do MUCH. Like studying doesn't come naturally and it's not something that I particularly enjoy, although I will put effort into studying if the assessment is very important. I basically read over the material once and remember it all. Because I was scared of disappointing her or not being able to help her, I told her what I did anyway. She looked at me as if I was crazy and I instantly regretted it because I had assumed that she was going to go with my "strategy." She still hasn't updated me on her academic progress yet...I wonder if she's avoiding me or something. Anyhow, I really try to befriend people who understand my lifestyle but don't let it influence them. Yes, helping them is something that I simply cannot pass up, but I emotionally can't take it if whatever I do ends up going wrong for them. I could end up being called some sort of liar by somebody that I've tried so hard to trust and respect, which, essentially, shuts me up in my bubble again.
11 months ago
I relate. It's really amazing how much these different personality types predict about your feelings and actions.
5 months ago
I feel the same way
1 year ago
I relate so much! I’ve abandoned certain friendships that weren’t breaking at all, they were just weakening me and I couldn’t handle it. My only close friend lives in Iceland, so at school it’s just me, my mind, and my more distant but amazing friends.
1 year ago
I have a feeling that an Advocate wrote this page, or bits of it.
1 year ago
This seems to describe me too much, the crave for friendships that are genuine and full of similar passions or interests is so rare for me to find. Every person I tried to communicate with have only given me small talk, like many introverts, I dislike this, because there is no depth to conversations. Because of this, I have left all my past superficial "friendships" and am now stuck with myself alone in my mind, in my imagination. Though the trouble of fitting into groups, and people finding ME uninteresting just because I don't do small talk, (I'm a high school student) have caused me to lower my self-esteem and go through depression. But you what they say, it's the friendships AFTER high school that count. Reaching out to others who can relate, cause I know I've related to those who have spoken out. THERE IS HOPE! :)
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