INFJ Friends

There is a running theme with INFJs, and that is a yearning for authenticity and sincerity – in their activities, their romantic relationships, and their friendships. People with the INFJ personality type are unlikely to go for friendships of circumstance, like workplace social circles or chatting up their local baristas, where the only thing they really have in common is a day-to-day familiarity. Rather, INFJs seek out people who share their passions, interests and ideologies, people with whom they can explore philosophies and subjects that they believe are truly meaningful.

INFJ friends

Closed Book and Speed Reader

From the start, it can be a challenge to get to know INFJs, as they are very private, even enigmatic. INFJs don’t readily share their thoughts and feelings, not unless they are comfortable, and since those thoughts and feelings are the basis for INFJ friendships, it can take time and persistence to get to know them. Meanwhile, INFJs are very insightful and have a particular knack for seeing beyond others’ facades, interpreting intent and compatibility quickly and easily, and weeding out those who don’t share the depth of their idealism.

In friendship it is as though INFJs are searching for a soul mate, someone who shares every facet of their passions and imagination.

INFJs are often perfectionistic, looking for ultimate compatibility, and yet also look for someone with whom they can grow and improve in tandem. Needless to say, this is a tall order, and INFJs should try to remember that they are a particularly rare personality type, and even if they find someone compatible in that sense, the odds that they will also share every interest are slim. If they don’t learn to meet others halfway and recognize that the kind of self-improvement and depth they demand is simply exhausting for many types, INFJs are likely end up abandoning healthy friendships in their infancy, in search of more perfect compatibilities.

Like Finding a Needle in a Haystack

Further complicating things are INFJs’ eloquence and persuasiveness, which lead to a lot of (unwanted) attention and popularity. Their quiet, determined idealism and imaginative expression naturally draw influence, and if there’s anything INFJs avoid, it’s the accumulation of power over others – and the people who are drawn to that type of power. INFJs will find themselves more sought after than they’d ever care to be, making it even more difficult for them to find someone they truly have an affinity with. Really the only way to be counted among INFJs’ true friends is to be authentic, and to have that authenticity naturally reflect their own.

Once a common thread is found though, people with the INFJ personality type make loyal and supportive companions, encouraging growth and life-enriching experiences with warmth, excitement and care. As trust grows, INFJs will share more of what lies beneath the surface, and if those ideas and motives are mutual, it’s the sort of friendship that will transcend time and distance, lasting a lifetime. INFJs don’t require a great deal of day-to-day attention – for them, quality trumps quantity every time, and over the years they will likely end up with just a few true friendships, built on a richness of mutual understanding that forges an indelible link between them.

Donna
5 years ago
I'm an INFJ that values true and loyal friendship but I don't have the time or desire to have more than two very close friends. Quality is more my style than quantity. Like the description says, I'm tuned in to people's motives and so am selective about who I am close to. I once won a sort of popularity contest at work and was not just surprised but uncomfortable at the attention...it felt weird to be singled out for being upbeat.
Ilana
5 years ago
Completely agree with the quality over quantity bit. I am only capable of having 1 close friend at a time, who means absolutely EVERYTHING to me... so guess what happens when that friend doesn't care and causes the friendship to end... :-(
Dani
5 years ago
Yea, I'm INFJ and this really fits me... passionate about human rights and equality, and I flit from partner to partner (year long relationships) searching for something that probably doesnt exist.
Yuzu
5 years ago
My best friend is also an INFJ and this description pegs her to a T! I especially agree with the part where it says that INFJs are highly valued by their best friends - I'm an INFP, and my INFJ best friend is the absolute most important person to me!
Jeffrey
6 years ago
Way off on the going from "partner-to-partner", looking for the ideal partner, thing. INFJ prefers the ideal relationship. This involves great sincerity and loyalty. INFJs are more likely to strive for this ideal, that of commitment to the relationship, than to abandon their partner for not living up to an ideal. Usually their disappointment is that the other one doesn't feel as sincere and committed. We INFJs really don't seem to like insincerity, so this is the sticky wicket.
Sam
6 years ago
My best friend is INFJ, and he bounces from relationship to relationship, looking for the perfect girlfriend. Once he is in one for a while, he tends to become unsatisfied, and finds flaws in it, not living up to his standards, and moves on. It seems to match the description.
Anonymous
2 years ago
I wish it wasn't so hard for me to get to know people, we came to a new church when I was ten and it took me 4 years to open up!
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