Finding Authenticity

“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
― C.G. Jung

Authenticity is a speed bump you’re eventually going to hit if you delve very deeply into the subject of personality traits. As defined, personality traits are those core and static parts of ourselves that if not influenced by outside forces, will determine our behaviors and attitudes. And even influenced by outside forces, they will still color our response to life. Some freethinkers have naively defined authenticity as our expressing ourselves without being encumbered by social restrictions. If you want authenticity, they say, ignore the external forces that ask for compliance and “Be yourself.”

However, think about that. Such a freewheeling philosophy can be almost as binding as social restrictions. While “total freedom” might have us coloring outside the lines of social expectations, aren’t we then paradoxically forced to only color within the lines of our own personality traits? Aren’t there more opportunities and thus more real freedom if we learn to “get over ourselves” just a little? There is a world apart from our own preferences. Total freedom to express our core preferences without restraint is an absurd concept that we best dispense with early.

The problem isn’t that external forces often moderate who we are. That’s just a reality. A healthy life is nothing if it’s not one big balancing act between our authentic selves and our adaptive selves. The trick is making sure you find ways to stay true to your core personality while leveraging the power of your strengths and adapting to the complex world around you – all at the same time.

It may sound cliché but there is some truth to the idea that growth happens most when we leave our comfort zones. And what is more comfortable than our native character traits? They fit like a glove.

The study of personality traits almost always leads to the idea of practical authenticity as distinguished from pure authenticity. Practical authenticity balances character traits with adaptive behaviors. Pure authenticity insists that established personality traits are the only genuine expressions of a person. However, healthy people are ultimately practical people, and this means we are not exactly the same person all the time, no matter what our core dictates.

All the ritual surrounding a funeral or a wedding may not make sense to a rationalist. He or she may be more inclined to strike a stoic pose and feel superior to the emotional proceedings. However, in deference to other family members and general social expectations, they might play along nonetheless. Instead of rejecting the ceremonial aspects, the rationalist might fully participate and even add a much needed note of calm and even insight. They would do this, not because they are phonies, but because they see the value of adapting for the greater good of their family and friends.

At work, wise Introverts know too much time spent hiding in the backroom make them functionally disappear. That can be fatal or at least slow down any progress in their careers. While doing the right amount of face time may be an energy drain for Introverts, it may also be occupationally vital. For the same reason, wise Extraverts learn to limit socializing at work (if the job is not social in nature.) Because all of these examples compromise their “pure” selves a bit, does this mean these Introverts or Extraverts are inauthentic?

We may also present ourselves differently in different groups and environments: one way with our families, another at work, another on the sports field, another Saturday night at the night club and yet another the next morning at Confession. We carry our core personality with us but may present a slightly different translation of what that means depending on the situations in which we find ourselves.

So, the question many of us spend our lifetimes answering is “How do we adapt to the world without losing ourselves?” For those in the Roles with a larger representation in the population, like the Sentinels, this may be less of a problem for a couple of reasons. First, these personality types are a larger group and they generally set the rules and the standards. They like tradition and they like the status quo. If your personality trait is already aligned with society, then the question of adapting and whether you’re authentic or not is much less of a concern. There is a fairly thin line between your core and the external world.

However, for a less represented cluster of personality traits like the Diplomats, they tend to think and live outside the proverbial box. It’s interesting that this group is the one most concerned about being genuine. Diplomats crave authenticity. A large part of their motivation is: “To thine own self be true.” These personality types may struggle with authenticity much more than individuals in other groups because they are less likely to make the rules in society. They are also more likely to view the world through a less practical and a more imaginative lens. Adapting for them may conflict with their ideals and dreams, and so may be a harder task to accomplish without feeling like they’ve lost something of themselves. Balance may be more difficult for these personalities.

So, all things are not equal among personality types, as we step outside of our comfort zones, as we all have to in order to succeed in society. We need to think about adaptive behaviors like putting on clothes. We could cover up completely and hide who we really are, perhaps even using a mask like a superhero. (There have been plenty of comic book stories that struggled with the question: “Who am I: A hero or my real identity?”) A mask would leave our true identities hidden and, therefore, we would only present the inauthentic. Most of us wear what is appropriate while exposing our unique faces to the world and allowing our personal style to say something about us.

When we dress, we are not subtracting from who we are as our natural naked selves. We are adding layers that put us more in sync with society and protect us from a potentially harsh environment. (The fashionistas who are most authentic know how to add the layers that most reflect their own personal style.)

To push the metaphor a little more, some idealists may pressure themselves into seeking a naked sort of authenticity without any adaptations. They may embrace the idea that shedding adaptations is the only way to be true to oneself. If that were the case, then the only honest people in the world would be nudists. (Okay, now we’re really torturing the poor metaphor.)

The point is that the idea of studying our personality is not about locking ourselves into some rigid concept of who we are. We are not somehow inauthentic if we don’t follow the scripts of our personality profiles. The purpose of articulating and then reflecting on who we are is so that we can make best use of our natural inclinations to create a more fulfilling life. But it is still necessary to step out of our comfort zones long enough to do what needs to be done even if it means purposely stepping back in to center ourselves once again later. We can remain authentic as we add adaptive layers to our lives. It’s just a matter of being honest and aware.

Having said all of this, people sometimes do reach a crisis point in life where they realize they have wandered too far off the life path that best reflects their personalities. We’ve all seen news stories of the Wall Street tycoon who throws away the lucrative career to go teach math in poorly staffed inner-city schools. Sometimes parents or cultures will push individuals in directions for which they’re not temperamentally suited.

Or, the culture itself may change. Imagine the compassionate doctor who finds that he is attending less to his patients each day – instead, he is doing more insurance paperwork. Realizing that this is not what he signed on for, he might begin to look for other ways to express his caring personality.

Chances are good that if you’re at such a crisis point, you already know it without someone having to tell you. It’s usually accompanied by an acute longing for something else – or even worse, a dull numbness of resignation.

So, if you’re worried about being authentically yourself, the first step is to assemble a clear picture of what that means. What are your core traits? Where are your strengths? Do you still feel like you’re in touch with them? If you don’t, what is smothering the best parts of you? Is it time for something different?

Authenticity involves having a solid understanding of who you are and building out from that. It’s a matter of deciding who will you be by knowing who you have always been.