INTJ Parents

Parenting, like so many other person-to-person relationships, is a significant challenge for INTJs. Being so heavily invested in rational thought, logic, and analyzing cause and effect, INTJs are often unprepared for dealing with someone who hasn't developed these same abilities who they can't simply walk away from. Luckily, INTJs are uniquely capable of committing to a long-term project, especially one as meaningful as parenthood, with all the intellectual vigor they can muster.

I Hope Our Wisdom Will Grow With Our Power...

First and foremost, INTJ parents will likely never be able to deliver the sort of warmth and coddling that stereotypes say they should. INTJs are rational, perfectionistic, often insensitive, and certainly not prone to overt displays of physical affection - it will take a clear and conscious effort on their part to curb and adapt these qualities to their children's needs, especially in the younger years. If they have an especially sensitive child, INTJs risk inadvertently trampling those sensitivities or coming across as cold and uncaring.

Even less sensitive children will need emotional support from time to time, especially as they approach adolescence - INTJs, even more so than other Analyst (NT) types, struggle to manage their own emotions in a healthy way, let alone others'. As a result, INTJs tend to avoid “unproductive” emotional support, instead taking a solutions-based approach to resolving issues. This is where INTJs are strongest - assessing a dilemma to find the underlying cause and developing a plan to solve the problem at its source.

INTJ parents don't just tell their children what to do, though - they prompt them, make them use their own minds so they arrive at the same conclusions, or better ones still.

INTJs also recognize that life is often the best teacher, and they will tend to be fairly liberal, allowing their children to have their own adventures and make their own decisions, further developing these critical thinking skills. This isn't to say that INTJs parents are lenient - far from it - rather, they expect their children to use their freedom responsibly, and often enough the weight of this expectation alone is enough to lay out understood ground rules. When they need to though, INTJ parents will communicate openly and honestly with their children, believing that knowing the truth is better than not knowing, or worse yet, simply being wrong.

...And Teach Us That the Less We Use Our Power, the Greater it Will Be

If their children are receptive to this approach, INTJ parents will find themselves respected and trusted. INTJs are excellent communicators when they want to be, and will frame problems as opportunities for personal growth, helping their children to establish their own brand of rational thinking and independent problem-solving skills to be applied to more and more complex situations as they grow, building their confidence as they make their own way. INTJs' ultimate goal as a parent is to ensure that their children are prepared to deal with whatever life throws their way.

All this is the exertion of INTJs' core philosophy of intelligent self-direction, and in this way they try to mold their children in their own image, working to create capable adults who can go on to use their own minds, solve their own problems, and help their own children in the same way when the time comes. INTJs understand that this can't happen if they shield their children from every source of ill and harm, but believe that if they give their children the right tools, they won't have to.

7. Career Paths
5. Friendships


Your name:
Feb 04, 2015 15:08:38
This is the most disturbing comment section of the entire site... I am afraid of having kids now...
Feb 02, 2015 04:17:40
this is true for me too..everything else has been on point but I show my daughter plenty of affection and I'm always hugging and kissing her to show her I love her
Mar 01, 2015 21:10:15
same here
Jan 31, 2015 16:37:15
I am an INTJ parent, luckily for me, my children share many of the same traits as I do, so we get along well most of the time, I have had made more of a conscious effort to give the hugs and affection as they've gotten older, I make sure to hug them and tell them I love them before they leave or go back to college, whatever. I see mostly good, as they are very independent, think for themselves and are over achievers and strong willed. I didn't even read the romantic relationships section yet, because I know it's going to be negative lol.
Mar 01, 2015 21:11:24
haha , I agree on everything !
Nov 22, 2014 04:16:59
I remember telling my mom (on more than one occasion) that my INTJ father should never have become a parent! Most of my life I didn't feel like my dad loved me (I am an ESFJ). I was and am sensitive and he and I do best now when we talk for 5 minutes or less. We rarely agree. It is hard. I've felt like he was emotionally clueless pretty much all of my life. I am 40 and he is 68.
Jan 05, 2015 19:30:04
What a wonderful thing to think about your father. But if you see his intentions, and still believe he was such a bad parent, no parent could ever help you.
Nov 16, 2014 14:15:49
My father's an INTJ, i'm INTP - classic INTP: a messy, lost in thought person that finds it difficult to actually make things happen, and how to deal with others. I fought a lot with my father until now, thinking he just didn't think about things enough. But I now understand how opposite is the situation. He thinks about it, but he prefers to stay on point, on strategy, and make things happen.
We fit very well, we have a lot in common, and I respect him and learn from him. But never the most important thing he could offer me: how to make my ideas come reality, how to leave the world of intangibility.
I feel lucky that I found this out while he's still around. I'll try to make my best and learning this, so I can make the best use of my ideas, and what goes around in my head.
My mother is an ESFP, I'll try to learn from her too, and understand and respect people's feelings and how to not be insensitive.
As far as it goes, I think I have a very good set of parents, and I could learn a lot from them.
Go to: