ESFP relationships and dating

Few things are as bubbling and unpredictable as ESFP relationships. People with this personality type live completely in the present, squeezing everything out of every moment and approaching their relationships from the same perspective. For instance, ESFPs often enjoy dating someone without thinking about the next steps or long-term plans.

This peculiar trait is probably both the best and the worst one when it comes to ESFP relationships. Dating or simply being with an ESFP is an unforgettable experience. They will always come up with new and exciting things to do, will be able to talk about everything and everybody (as long as you stay away from philosophical or scientific topics), and will genuinely enjoy spending time together instead of getting distracted by thoughts about the future or the past. However, this trait becomes a weakness when it is necessary to stop having fun and start thinking about serious topics, such as long-term plans, commitment, and potentially life-changing decisions.

ESFP_2As ESFPs reevaluate their commitments on a daily basis, their willingness to work on the relationship can change drastically as time goes by. Even if the ESFP is very committed to their partner today, that does not guarantee that they will not seriously consider breaking off the relationship after a week. Of course, this is most clearly visible among less mature ESFPs, but everyone with this personality type shares this trait to some extent. ESFPs naturally dislike long-term planning; this is not necessarily a weakness in other areas, but strong, life-long relationships always require mutual commitment and conscious efforts. This is something that ESFPs should try to work on. Otherwise, they will be at risk of always jumping from one dating partner to another, thus avoiding promises and commitments.

ESFPs are very vulnerable to conflicts and are likely to react very badly if someone says something negative about their relationship or, even worse, if their own partner criticizes them for any reason. ESFPs personalities are very emotional, and they also prefer to take things at face value instead of trying to guess the motives and reasoning behind them. Consequently, ESFPs are deeply offended by any criticism and may get frustrated even further if the other person tries to take emotions out of the equation by saying that the ESFP should not take this personally or that they are reacting irrationally etc.

ESFPs should keep this trait in check wherever possible, and this is especially important when they are looking for a dating partner. For instance, some dating “strategies” advocated by certain types of men revolve around exploiting this emotional reaction, and ESFPs are very vulnerable to such an approach. Furthermore, ESFPs are also likely to be quite materialistic, and the combination of these traits is not very attractive.

Less mature ESFPs also have a tendency to care too much about social status and their friends’ perception of their relationship. People with this personality type should be aware of this trait as it may seriously hinder their dating efforts and the relationships themselves. Because we tend to surround ourselves with people who are like us, our negative traits can actually be reinforced by our social circle.

From the sexual perspective, ESFP personalities are very affectionate, inquisitive, and open-minded partners. They enjoy physical intimacy immensely, and this is clearly visible in all ESFP relationships, as long as their partners are willing to reciprocate. ESFPs are very sexual beings, and they also love sharing that pleasure with their partners.

Overall, ESFPs are very enthusiastic, direct, and affectionate partners. Their relationships are likely to be based on simple, pure, down-to-earth love and focus on small everyday pleasures. Being very social and easy-going, ESFPs will bring a lot of energy and freshness into their relationships.

Preferred partners: ISFJ and ISTJ types, as their Introversion (I) and Judging (J) traits counterbalance ESFPs’ Extraversion (E) and Prospecting (P) traits.

If you would like to learn more about how ESFPs can get better at starting and maintaining healthy romantic relationships, including advice aimed at specific personality type combinations, download the ESFP In-Depth Profile – a 60+ page guide covering a number of diverse topics. If you are single, you might also want to take a look at our Dating section.

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4 Responses to “ESFP relationships and dating”

  1. anonymous Reply

    I heard somewhere that ESFPs tend to lead people on a lot, pulling partners in and then just pushing them away. This is incredibly true in my case, and its funny why its not mentioned here.

    Also I think ESFPs like talking about the big philosophical and scientifically questions, I don’t know why it always says otherwise.

  2. D.A. Reply

    I wonder about the motives behind things, but I do tend to take things at face value. I’m told I’m too trusting. I agree that when I was young I tended to date and not be serious for long. I was married for 25 years from age 16 so I guess long term is a trait as well. I do not like conflict but I will stand my ground if I am forced to. Now; I’m happy with no dates, just karaoke every week, and flirting. lol I do not care what others opinion are of me however I was not that way when I was young. I have been an EMT, counselor, volunteer, juvenile probation officer as well.

  3. Seth Abbott Reply

    I am a high school student and never been in a relationship even though I’m sixteen