INTJ Parents

Parenting, like so many other person-to-person relationships, is a significant challenge for INTJs. Being so heavily invested in rational thought, logic, and analyzing cause and effect, INTJs are often unprepared for dealing with someone who hasn’t developed these same abilities who they can’t simply walk away from. Luckily, INTJs are uniquely capable of committing to a long-term project, especially one as meaningful as parenthood, with all the intellectual vigor they can muster.

INTJ parents

I Hope Our Wisdom Will Grow With Our Power...

First and foremost, INTJ parents will likely never be able to deliver the sort of warmth and coddling that stereotypes say they should. INTJs are rational, perfectionistic, often insensitive, and certainly not prone to overt displays of physical affection – it will take a clear and conscious effort on their part to curb and adapt these qualities to their children’s needs, especially in the younger years. If they have an especially sensitive child, INTJs risk inadvertently trampling those sensitivities or coming across as cold and uncaring.

Even less sensitive children will need emotional support from time to time, especially as they approach adolescence – INTJs, even more so than other Analyst types, struggle to manage their own emotions in a healthy way, let alone others’. As a result, INTJs tend to avoid “unproductive” emotional support, instead taking a solutions-based approach to resolving issues. This is where INTJs are strongest – assessing a dilemma to find the underlying cause and developing a plan to solve the problem at its source.

INTJ parents don’t just tell their children what to do, though – they prompt them, make them use their own minds so they arrive at the same conclusions, or better ones still.

INTJs also recognize that life is often the best teacher, and they will tend to be fairly liberal, allowing their children to have their own adventures and make their own decisions, further developing these critical thinking skills. This isn’t to say that INTJs parents are lenient – far from it – rather, they expect their children to use their freedom responsibly, and often enough the weight of this expectation alone is enough to lay out understood ground rules. When they need to though, INTJ parents will communicate openly and honestly with their children, believing that knowing the truth is better than not knowing, or worse yet, simply being wrong.

...And Teach Us That the Less We Use Our Power, the Greater It Will Be

If their children are receptive to this approach, INTJ parents will find themselves respected and trusted. INTJs are excellent communicators when they want to be, and will frame problems as opportunities for personal growth, helping their children to establish their own brand of rational thinking and independent problem-solving skills to be applied to more and more complex situations as they grow, building their confidence as they make their own way. INTJs’ ultimate goal as a parent is to ensure that their children are prepared to deal with whatever life throws their way.

All this is the exertion of INTJs’ core philosophy of intelligent self-direction, and in this way they try to mold their children in their own image, working to create capable adults who can go on to use their own minds, solve their own problems, and help their own children in the same way when the time comes. INTJs understand that this can’t happen if they shield their children from every source of ill and harm, but believe that if they give their children the right tools, they won’t have to.

4 years ago
I thought there was something wrong with just me
4 years ago
I'm an INTJ and I have 3 kids. The description above is close to being accurate. I still have the ability to adapt to my kids' emotional side especially to my youngest who's a little more sensitive, but I adapt knowing that my son 'needs' this from me and because he's still a young child. But overall, I raise my kids to be independent, to always expect the worst in every situation; allowing them to make their own decisions but with the caveat that they'll have to endure the consequences; good or bad.
4 years ago
I'm a 26 yr old INTJ. Getting married next year. I've been thinking about kids. I used to hate kids! I was the oldest grandkid and never wanted anything to do with babysitting. I just hated the thought of holding a baby and not understanding why it starts to cry for no reason! NO REASON! I don't mean when hungry or poopy diaper... that's a reason to cry. I'm getting better now that my friends are having babies. For example, the other day I was holding Braydon. He'd start to cry... but then we'd walk into a different room and he'd be fine. He was getting bored! Once I figured out why he was stressing, it was all too easy to keep him happy for an hour. Anyways. This has given me a lot to think about! I wonder if my dad is an INTJ and my mom is probably an ESFP. Literally the exact opposite.
5 years ago
I'm an intj, and my intj dad is the best thing that could have happened to me. We taught each other about affection, geeked out together, and I always felt like I could find a similiar mind in him. Of course, my infj mum was often frustrated by our terrible sarcasm and cruel humour, often at the expense of others, but c'est la vie. It all worked out. My dad always had more trouble with my sister, enfj that she is, but that's okay, they both really try to connect. I really believe that intjs can be amazing parents, and I don't want to discourage any of them away from it.
5 years ago
I'm an INTJ. And I've never wanted to have children, even when I was very young I have felt strongly about this. Some of the reasons are that I feel that I will be too strict a father and will end up damaging the child emotionally. I was personally raised by strict parents as well, and I never fully appreciated them until I was an adult, and I now consider them very important and valuable people to me. I feel that raising a child would present the same struggles I went through and the child will constantly struggle to fit in and make friends, while it is something I am getting better at, it was a very real and painful struggle for me. I'm very proud of who I am and what I've accomplished, but I see no reason to put someone else through it.
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