INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

Ermar Gallohar
3 years ago
True. I have like 4 friends.
3 years ago
I have a friend from High School and I am in my 40's everyone is an acquaintance whom I would help if needed but I have no true personal feelings towards them. My friend I would take a bullet for. I have invited people over to watch movies but then basically ask them to leave afterwards so I don't have to socialize they have learned to understand. I surprisingly have a wife who I met when I least expected or wanted a relationship and the first person I dated. I proposed to her the day I was going to break up after considering what living without her would mean, I analyzed the situation and figured anyone who could put up with me is a catch. I have become well off financially for her sake developing a simple stock market algorithm based on running averages on stocks that meet a certain profile for get in and out for some money while getting a chemical engineering degree among other degrees I got out of curiosity and trying to improve my deficits. Before I met my wife I would have been happy doing most anything without regard for money- seriously Ramen 3 times a day and books to read was all I needed. Having a partner to share in life makes us better people and gives us more purpose than just an occupation would and understand there is a lot of tongue biting and sacrifice involved so as to not hurt feelings. I have four children whom I am attempting to raise to be an asset vs. a leach on society with civic obligations and self worth- 3 of my kids are gifted and talented including an eagle scout. My kids are spaced 5 to 7 years apart so I would not have to change diapers, do dishes or mow the lawn until I am ready to youngest is 3 and I do enjoy being a parent and seeing their accomplishments. I have never in my life felt willing to discuss my personal life on any forum because I felt it wouldn't be of value to myself or anyone else because quite honestly it is nobody's business. However, I see younger folks on here questioning their own selves in regards to being an INTJ ...being less than 2% means that we are odd. I don't think INTJ's are smart but I do think we are natural strategists; I think we just understand the obstacles and what needs to be done examples: If I am traveling I do Rosetta stone and learn a language for the country I am visiting so I wont depend on others and most likely will forget much of what I learned it when I am done with my trip, if I need to refresh on math I do khanacademy hours on end until I understand it and yes I fail and fail and fail before it *clicks I am not a genius even though I test high it is that I just keep going until I get it and if I want to lose weight I stop eating daily once or twice a week and walk 18K steps a day for 1K calories (mass/energy balance) until I am at the goal - I just lost 60 lbs in 12 weeks when I popped out of a 'mindset' I realized I had gotten fat. I make macros or routines or schedules to get the routine stuff done in half the time it takes others and I do not like to do anything twice I could develop a plan to do quicker, automate or eliminate. Basically if I have a worthy goal that benefits my organization and it can be achieved then I do it and anyone who tries to get in my way is an obstacle to be dealt with I do not care if you are the CEO. To date everyone has stood back and let me do whatever needed to be done. I have worked dozens of jobs where I got bored and moved on yet have never had a review that was less than excellent from an employer after my break in period. If I had then I would have sought work elsewhere and had taken that as a failure but probably would have polished my skillset and applied for the same job again as a challenge. Everyone of my former bosses would hire me on the spot if I was seeking a position and one did when I was between positions knowing it was only for a few months. Being an INTJ is more blessing than curse since we have such tough skins whereas those who are extroverts worry more constantly about their acceptance. Maybe this helps someone particularly younger confused INTJs? I hate to think I did it for some worthless self edification.
3 years ago
So I think I'm an intj girl, I think I'm more in touch with my emotions, however, i feel like I offend people when I don't mean to. Any tips on getting other types of people to understand me through maybe changing my outlook?
3 years ago
Absolutely none. Your honestly will always offend touchy feely people. Just how it is. Don't surround yourself with people who are easily offended by facts. If you discover such a person, avoid any real interactions with them. Talk about the weather or something. hahah!
3 years ago
or you could be an exception make it blatantly clear that you don't mean offence, my friends would never take offence at what I say because they know I never say anything meant to be mean any and vice versa. actually a lot of the time they come to me for an honest opinion.
Momento Mori
3 years ago
The others are right. You can do what I do, which is re-read anything I type or say and I check to see if it's offensive in anyway... In other words, your pretty much tip toing around all of it. It's not fun, but I don't offend my friends as much. Trust me some things will get past you. Or you can just say no offense after everything that may seem like they take offense from.
3 years ago
I wholly agree. I'm considered to be generally rude, when in actuality I'm telling people what it is, and it offends them. Another thing, I've always dreaded to have a sick person in my care.
Laura Quinn
3 years ago
this is almost completely true. i do have a very dark sense of humor,to the point i sometimes wonder if im actually affecting the people around me, but if a friend is in distress I will listen as best as possible and try to give a logical solution to their problem. Although it baffles me when they ask me my advice, then do the opposite. ?
3 years ago
You're basing that on the supposition that your advice is always correct, which may not be the case. In addition, they may highly value your opinion and advice and take what you say into their own internal decision making process. So it may influence their decision, but by no means guarantees that their decision will perfectly match your advice. They may also ask advice from several different friends who all approach the issue from ways of thinking - and get conflicting pieces of advice. They probably take it all under advisement, but they can't follow every friend's advice since they conflict. It's also possible they are only asking you advice so in the discussion they can better understand their own thoughts and ideas. They are using you as a sounding board, and as a way to think about their own situation. Lastly, put yourself in their position. If you went to a friend to ask their advice, will you automatically do what they advise? Or will you only weigh their advice in your own sense of judgement on what to do? The person giving advice is also not aware of all the particulars of the situation; no one knows all the details and particulars of a situation as well as the person involved. Hope that helps.
3 years ago
A question guys ... Why is it that - if I am an intj - that I can 'get ' people at all different levels ? The only problem I have with this is that most people will not pass the friend test with my partner - I've worked in sales and this has always puzzled me- people I can enjoy a conversation with don't make some amazing. Test for lifetime friend It really does not mean that I dislike these people
3 years ago
This actually explains a lot about my best friend an INTJ. I am also an analyst (INTP) so we are very similar in ways. We rarely have fights that are based on emotional unease, and we rarely delve beyond our exteriors and have these heart to heart conversations. Instead we have other ways of revealing and expressing ourselves. Mostly our conversations are based on our mutual interests in unconventional and intellectual topics. For instance we have these idealistic visions of punk rock influenced anarchy and chaos taking over and breaking the rigid social constructs of the corporate world. Although we know the unlikeliness of this happening in reality, we enjoy strategising methods of making this happen, and imagining the utopia of this goal being achieved. That being said ideas are often better than reality. For others, I think our typical conversations are hard to catch on because they don't center around trivial things like gossip, or emotional strife. This makes it hard for us to relate to others and as a result we have become very close and have few other friends. But since we have pride in being able to relate to eachother on a unique and intellectual level, no one else really matters to us that much. Often we are very sarcastic and this sometimes can hurt others. It limits most others from truly understanding us and it can stop us from understanding each other. But it is funny and most importantly we do like to have fun. Although we are very honest and straightforward we are not so in the emotional sense. For example I can be very honest in my opinions and beliefs e.g. 'I am Christian' and not be afraid of being judged. But being honest in on an emotional or personal level is quite different as I am much less likely to say 'I will miss you a lot' or 'I don't want to see you'. Sometimes we devise subtle ways such as metaphors for saying these kind of emotionally charged messages. Its like a secret language that is likely to frustrate others. All in all I agree with nearly everything this section states except for the low maintenance part. Because we are very good friends and feel there are few others like us, we need eachother constantly. We are actually very social and while we may not enjoy being with many other people, we enjoy being with eachother. I do hope we can someday reveal our emotional sentiments but already I think our friendship is special in this intellectual and unconventional way.
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