INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

4 years ago
This is very accurate to my personality! I am also female and it's pretty cool that I'm only part of 0.8% of the population!
4 years ago
Alot of people call me strange, a quality I like. They also call me dark, something I'm not sure about. Butt his is accurate, and I am a nerd, and I'm happy.
Needa Sammich
4 years ago
I've identified a disturbing tendency in myself to sabotage friendships when the other party exasperates me. As I've gotten older and grown to know childhood friends' true natures and analyse their life decisions, I've sometimes been filled with something just a little short of disgust. I recently blew a friendship of more than 20 years duration sky-high, and rather than feel badly about it, actually berate myself for not having done it a decade ago. I must admit it makes me feel fantastically liberated, although I know if I do this once or twice more, I really will be friendless.
4 years ago
Needa, can you handle friendless? I know I can handle friendlessness, but I am not sure I want as I will miss the interesting exchange of ideas I currently enjoy with my fellow humanoids. Even if they are exasperatingly illogical sometimes - give and take is what I am trying to learn in my middle years. If you want friends, you have to bite your tongue sometimes. I'm sure our friends bite their tongue plenty of times with us, so I want to learn some self-control. Good luck with whatever you decide.
4 years ago
YES. FINALLY, this is too accurate, except I don't have much self esteem. I find social events stupid. Interacting is draining. I look for someone with the same intellectual wavelengths to relate to, and I haven't fully realized it until now. It's nice to be part of this little INTG family :)
That one guy from the north
4 years ago
I don't really have friends, just acquaintances. Going to high school in a small town really limits your options.
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