INTJ Friends

People with the INTJ personality type tend to have more success in developing friendships than they do with romantic relationships, but they none-the-less suffer from many of the same setbacks, substituting rational processes for emotional availability. This intellectual distance tends to go both ways, making INTJs notoriously difficult to read and get to know, and making INTJs not want to bother reading anyone they think isn’t on their level. Overcoming these hurdles is often all but impossible without the sort of instant connection made possible by sharing the Intuitive (N) trait.

INTJ friends

No Person Will Complain for Want of Time Who Never Loses Any

INTJs tend to have set opinions about what works, what doesn’t, what they’re looking for, and what they’re not. These discriminating tastes can come across as arrogant, but INTJs would simply argue that it’s a basic filtering mechanism that allows them to direct their attentions where they will do the most good. The fact is that in friendship, INTJs are looking for more of an intellectual soul mate than anything else, and those that aren’t prepared for that kind of relationship are simply boring. INTJs need to share ideas – a self-feeding circle of gossip about mutual friends is no kind of social life for them.

INTJs will keep up with just a few good friends, eschewing larger circles of acquaintances in favor of depth and quality.

Further, having more than just a few friends would compromise INTJs’ sense of independence and self-sufficiency – they gladly give up social validation to ensure this freedom. INTJs embrace this idea even with those who do fit into their social construct, requiring little attention or maintenance to remain on good terms, and encouraging that same independence in their friends.

When it comes to emotional support, INTJs are far from being a bastion of comfort. They actively suppress their own emotions with shields of rationality and logic, and expect their friends to do the same. When emotionally charged situations do come about, INTJs may literally have no clue how to handle them appropriately, a glaring contrast from their usual capacity for decisive self-direction and composure.

But Friendship Is Precious

When they are in their comfort zone though, among people they know and respect, INTJs have no trouble relaxing and enjoying themselves. Their sarcasm and dark humor are not for the faint of heart, nor for those who struggle to read between the lines, but they make for fantastic story-telling among those who can keep up. This more or less limits their pool of friends to fellow Analysts and Diplomat types, as Observant (S) types’ preference for more straightforward communication often simply leaves both parties frustrated.

It’s not easy to become good friends with INTJs. Rather than traditional rules of social conduct or shared routine, INTJs have exacting expectations for intellectual prowess, uncompromising honesty and a mutual desire to grow and learn as sovereign individuals. INTJs are gifted, bright and development-oriented, and expect and encourage their friends to share this attitude. Anyone falling short of this will be labeled a bore – anyone meeting these expectations will appreciate them of their own accord, forming a powerful and stimulating friendship that will stand the test of time.

Foo Foo
3 years ago
That's really interesting, my best friends are all NFs, huh, never thought about that.
Apples
3 years ago
Emotional support is not my weak field. I am very good at comforting people when they cry, only if they have a logical reason to cry.
IslamAnonymous
3 years ago
Me too. I ALLWAYS comfort my twin sister and she loves me and she says I'm a great brother, I'm very good in supporting her through her break ups and worries, not denying that yes I tend to offer logical solutions but I also help her a lot emotionally
Anonymous
3 years ago
Ah, this is very true. If someone is going through a seriously hard time, I do my best to be comforting and an emotional support. However, I have a hard time being sympathetic with people who got themselves into avoidable trouble or are simply being very over-dramatic.
Greg Brady's Hair
3 years ago
Wow. Very astute. The author of this describes me exactly.
Moses Turner
3 years ago
I feel like my best friend is my computer... I am an amatuer computer animator and I feel like computers are the only thing that make sense... I don't think i make sense either... My mom says I am being negative about everything... I feel like it's me against the world... I have only one good friend... I don't think he knows much about me... I just want to fit in... HELP!!!!!
Anonymous
3 years ago
Perhaps some INTJ forums would help with that. Friends come in all ways - not just in the city you live in or even in person. If you are comfortable on-line, this could be the answer until something else occurs?? Good luck.
Ender
3 years ago
I'm gonna be completely honest: "fitting in" is society's greatest lie. For God's sake, it's so incredibly overrated it isn't even funny. "Fitting in" means that you are just another guy at the office/school. "Fitting in" doesn't lead to success. Standing out- that is what leads a person to greatness.
Ann
3 years ago
Start writing your thoughts in a document. That will help you organize them enough to notice anything you want to change. Also, it will help organize new ideas about life so that you could incorporate them into yourself as you see fit. Then, you will understand yourself, and others will be more likely to understand as well (and you'll find more friends).
Anonymous
3 years ago
I was like you for the longest time, felt I was closed off and so different from the pack I didn't socialize. Now I'm only a High School freshman and many things have helped. I joined something I love. If you find other computer animators they will often share your interests and enjoy your insight. If there is something you love more then go for it. Another thing I found that worked nicely for me is trying a "Gifted" or Honors program at your school. If you crave the depth of topic related conversation or in depth conversations in general the people you meet will often offer that.
*sigh*
3 years ago
This is very accurate to my personality! I am also female and it's pretty cool that I'm only part of 0.8% of the population!
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