Unless you find yourself in the fluttery thrills of the honeymoon phase, chances are you and your partner have already learned how to dance around the delicate subject of finances.
Money problems are one of the most pervasive causes of stress and disagreement within relationships. Maybe that’s why so many couples avoid talking about them – doing so may feel like entering dangerous territory. Bringing up money issues can feel like picking a fight. The topic has the potential to touch on some of our deepest insecurities and can put us on the defensive. Frankly, it’s usually easier to just avoid going there.
Money problems in relationships reach across every income demographic. So while “more money, more problems” is a true statement, so are “no money, more problems,” and “just enough money, more problems.” Conflict about money is possibly the most pervasive unresolved issue that a couple will face, no matter how much of it they’re making.
So what does personality type have to do with money and relationships? A lot, actually. Your personality holds sway over two key factors – your attitudes toward money itself (how you budget, spend, and prepare for the future) and the way that you communicate with your partner.
In this article, we’re going to explore these two factors, particularly as they relate to the three main issues that can undermine the financial union of any relationship.
Different Couples, Same Problems: Debt, Financial Cheating, and Misaligned Goals
The vast majority of money problems in relationships can be traced to three simple issues:
- Conflicting attitudes about spending, saving, individual debts, and debts acquired as a couple
- Financial “cheating,” or hiding spending from your partner
- Having unclear or misaligned financial goals
To overcome these common financial obstacles, it’s important for each individual to reflect upon their own unique financial habits and beliefs. You must become aware of how you contribute to these issues in order to take them on together with your partner.
Differing Attitudes about Money Management and Spending
At the core of our attitudes about money are the ways that we go about planning. In our “Planning” survey, we ask, “Do you usually just end up doing what you feel like at any given moment, even when you have planned a particular daily routine?” Even though this question is not focused specifically on financial matters, the results are revealing and point to a very strong difference between Judging and Prospecting personality types.
Nearly 90% of Prospecting personalities confirm that they often prefer to follow their whims, compared to approximately 43% of Judging types. Now let’s look at the question, “Do you usually stick to a budget when it comes to spending money?” from our “How Frugal Are You?” survey.
As you can see, the notable difference between Judging and Prospecting types carries over in the way that they spend their money and plan their finances – particularly when it comes to budgeting.
This data does not prove that all Prospecting types have careless attitudes about money, but they are significantly more likely to approach finances with the same flexibility with which they approach life in general. And while not all Judging types are guaranteed to be more disciplined money managers, they are significantly more likely to take a structured approach to their spending and saving.
If the two people in a relationship have two very distinct strategies for managing their money – or even if they approach the task with the exact same attitudes – problems can quickly arise. Debt management can easily go astray, savings goals can go unmet, and unchecked spending can make it hard to fulfill certain obligations. At the same time, excessive rigidity can create unhealthy power dynamics, generate feelings of resentment, or inspire rebellious or secretive spending.
The key is in finding balance – something that is much easier to do once both partners acknowledge the role that their personality plays in their attitudes and corresponding behaviors. From there, it’s possible to mutually cultivate a healthy (and financially stable) middle ground that works for everyone.
Personality and Financial Infidelity
Without trust, intimate relationships falter.
A major issue that can undercut a couple’s financial situation and undermine their relationship as a whole is what is referred to as “financial cheating.” When a person spends money outside an agreed-upon budget and hides the spending from their partner, trust within the relationship is undermined.
When this happens, the financial stability of the couple may be put on the line. Secret spending and debts often impact the unaware partner. You might find that mutual goals become impossible to achieve, and if the situation is extreme, you might have to deal with legal consequences.
We took a look at our “Honesty” survey and “Dark Side of Personality” survey and found some interesting insights.
Despite the fact that around 97% of all personality types believe that it’s important to be seen as trustworthy, nearly 35% are willing to sacrifice honesty for the sake of being polite. This is particularly true for people with a strong Feeling personality trait or Turbulent Identity. Diplomats, who all share the Feeling trait, are much more likely to avoid telling the truth in order to keep the peace.
The Thinking trait, however, is also a good indicator of a person’s willingness to tell a lie. Only about 41% of Analysts (who share the Thinking trait), for example, claim that they never deceive others. If you flip that statistic, nearly 60% of them are willing to tell a lie, especially if it were to benefit them directly. Thinking types are also much more likely to admit that they would manipulate some people if it meant getting ahead. Nearly 80% of Entrepreneurs (ESTPs), for example, say they might be willing to twist the truth if it helped them meet their goals.
So Feeling personality types might lie to avoid conflict, while Thinking types might just be trying to protect their interests. And while almost everyone agrees that honesty is best, a significant percentage of people are willing to bend the rules, no matter which Role they belong to.
Willingness to cheat in a financial sense brings consequences felt well beyond the budget. For the cheater, especially those Feeling and Turbulent types, anxiety and overthinking usually go hand in hand with keeping secrets. For the person having to deal with the financial infidelity, it may become a struggle to trust their partner in other aspects of their life together.
It would be dangerous to suspect that your partner may be more willing to lie or financially cheat based solely on their personality traits. Deceptive spending is more likely the consequence of a preexisting conflict around money than of any given personality trait. Fortunately, that sense of conflict can be mitigated by working to understand both your and your partner’s attitudes and tendencies around money management. With a heightened sense of understanding, it’s possible to foster a spirit of transparency and teamwork around shared finances.
Different Personalities, Different Goals, and Money Problems
Even if you and your partner understand each other’s unique money “mentality,” and there is absolute transparency and trust when it comes to finances within your relationship, problems can arise when you don’t share common goals.
Committing to a relationship where finances are mingled requires negotiation and agreement about what your goals and priorities are, both individually and as a couple.
Maybe one of you dreams of spending your retirement traveling the world, while the other dreams of moving to an off-grid cabin in the mountains. Or maybe one partner thinks it’s important to live in a certain kind of neighborhood or drive a certain kind of car, while the other places more importance on frugality and saving for their children’s future education expenses.
The responses provided in our “Marriage and Weddings” survey are telling. In it, we ask, “What is the most important thing for couples to agree on before marriage?” Given the options of financial planning, children, career goals, lifestyle, and “something else,” at the time of this writing, only about 12% of all respondents (across every personality type) feel that a financial management plan is a top priority. But if you think about it, every single one of the options provided in the survey directly impacts a couple’s spending. Disagreement on any one of them can create a potential sore spot in the relationship.
This isn’t to say that when you enter a partnership, all of your goals have to be shared. Each partner can and should have their own passions and dreams. But, as a couple, you have to be in agreement on the big picture. Only when each of you is clear about the other’s individual aspirations and mutually agreed upon priorities is it possible to create a financial game plan as a team. This allows both of you to accomplish what you envision for the future – and avoid conflict in the meantime.
Self-Awareness and Mutual Growth Equals Fewer Money Problems
When trying to solve the money problems that you have in your relationship, it’s helpful to start by recognizing whether – and how – you and your partner are dealing with any of these three critical money issues. From there, you can use personality theory to help identify your financial strengths and recognize your weaknesses, both as individuals and as a couple.
Self-awareness and personal growth are the first steps in resolving clashes around money. With an honest understanding of how each of you approaches your shared financial reality, you can look for meaningful solutions together. Your relationship does not have to become a statistic.
How do you feel that your personality influences your spending and saving habits? What about those of your partner? How do each of your distinct personal norms impact the money dynamics in your relationship? As you wrap up this article, we invite you to spend some time contemplating these questions. If you feel inspired, feel free to leave your reflections in a comment below.
Further Reading
- Do you know your partner’s personality type? If not, have them take our free personality test, or you can use our Type Guesser tool for romantic partners.
- Try our premium Couple Analysis tool for personalized insights into how your individual personality traits interact within your relationship.
- Spending and Saving Styles and Personality Type
- Personal Agency: A Foundation for Every Personality
- Spending More Than You Should?