Wedding planning isn’t all rainbows and champagne flutes – no matter what your personality type is. Sure, a wedding is supposed to be a beautiful celebration of love between two people. But it’s easy to lose sight of that when you’re dealing with family drama, pushy vendors, or texts from your future mother-in-law that say, “Just wondering if...”
Here’s the good news: It’s totally possible to ditch these stressors and plan a wedding that suits your and your partner’s personalities.
The bad news? This probably won’t happen by default. The moment you start planning a wedding, people unleash a host of expectations on you. It can seem as if everyone has an opinion about everything, right down to the color of the tablecloths.
Fortunately, by gaining an awareness of your personality type and your partner’s, you can figure out what matters to you – not your mother-in-law, your caterer, or your next-door neighbor... or even the random stranger who just eavesdropped on your conversation about tablecloths.
Ready to plan the wedding you want? Here’s our best wedding-planning advice for each personality type:
You might be an Architect if... most wedding “traditions” make you roll your eyes.
People with this personality type are skeptical of things that seem irrational or pointless, and they’ll never go along with something just because, “That’s the way it’s always been done.”
Don’t: Sling arrows.
Architects have strong opinions, and they aren’t afraid to speak their minds. This can be among their most refreshing qualities, but it can also create hurt feelings. So, if your partner loooves the idea of a bouquet toss and you think it’s stupid, you can absolutely share your opinion – just err on the side of being respectful.
Do: Talk about money.
Our research has found that Architects are the least likely personality type to borrow money for a wedding they can’t afford. Here’s the thing about weddings, though: there are always two people involved. Make sure you and your partner decide together how much to spend on the wedding, and talk about your shared vision for your financial future.
You might be a Logician if... you don’t know why you’re even reading this.
According to our research, Logicians are the personality type most likely to say they don’t want to get married. Their natural reserve, combined with their desire to do things their own way, means that they’re unlikely to crave a giant confection of a “dream wedding.”
Don’t: Feel weird.*
When reading most wedding-planning advice, you might think that everyone else has a “vision” for their “big day.” But let’s face it: nobody is born knowing how they want their wedding centerpieces to look. Plenty of couples opt to elope or skip the big shindig altogether.
Do: Explain what you want.
Maybe your partner wants a big wedding and you don’t. Or maybe you aren’t even sure how you feel about marriage. It can feel awkward and uncomfortable to address these topics, especially if you don’t want to deal with the emotional fallout. But an honest conversation, even if it’s messy, is the only way to keep these issues from festering.
*In a bad way. You’re more than welcome to feel weird in a good way.
You might be a Commander if... you like the idea of officiating your own wedding.*
Charismatic and confident, Commander personalities are always ready to take charge. That’s true whether they’re spearheading a project at work or telling their wedding photographer where to stand to get the best shot.
Don’t: Second-guess your partner/maid of honor/best man/best person/etc.
Suppose someone offers to throw you an engagement party or your partner wants to take the lead on researching photographers. When people do these favors for you, express gratitude and try not to second-guess their judgment. Remember, you can’t do everything yourself, nor would you want to.
Do: Give a toast.
It might not be customary, but who cares? Find a moment during your celebration to raise a glass, express your love for your partner, and thank everyone who’s helped you along the way. It doesn’t have to be sappy or rehearsed – just take the opportunity to express how you feel.
*If it’s your thing, you can legally officiate your own wedding in the state of Pennsylvania and the District of Columbia, among other places.
You might be a Debater if... you’re already skeptical of whatever we’re about to tell you.
Debaters have a rebellious streak. These types enjoy thinking things through for themselves, thank you very much. They’re also spontaneous, and they know how to kick back and have a good time.
Don’t: Assume the wedding will plan itself.
If you’re the Debater personality type, planning probably isn’t your idea of fun. And that’s totally fine. Don’t assume that the wedding will plan itself, though. Even the simplest of celebrations require you to gather paperwork, get a marriage license, and show up (more or less) on time.
Do: Embrace all-inclusive packages.
If you want a wedding with some bells and whistles but don’t feel like planning, look into all-inclusive packages. These packages can be surprisingly affordable, and they free you and your partner up from having to make a million choices and plan out all the details. Because who wants to deal with chair covers and cocktail napkins, right?*
*Well, some personality types absolutely want to deal with chair covers and cocktail napkins, but we’ll get to that below.
You might be an Advocate if... you’re thinking about the environmental impact of your wedding.
Advocates might not be the loudest voices in a room, but don’t be fooled: people with this personality type are firm in their convictions. They stand up for what matters to them, whether that means hiring ethical vendors or ensuring that their wedding venue is handicap accessible.
Don’t: Insist on perfection.
So, you want your wedding to be affordable, and you want to generously support local vendors? You want the celebration to allow quality time with your partner and time to catch up with friends and family? We’re not saying that’s impossible, but it’s a tall order. If you worry about getting everything perfect, you’re at risk of making yourself miserable.
Do: Choose a few (and we mean a few) priorities.
Along with your partner, choose three to five priorities for your wedding. Maybe you want a meaningful ceremony officiated by your best friend, environmentally friendly decor, or an awesome vegan cake. Focus on those priorities, and don’t worry about getting all the rest perfect.
You might be a Mediator if... you believe in the power of love.
Dreamy idealists, Mediators trust that love can indeed conquer all. For them, a wedding has to be about the deep, abiding connection between two people – otherwise, it’s just a fancy party.
Don’t: Go down the “pretty picture” rabbit hole.
Many people with the Mediator personality type have an artsy side, so you may enjoy clicking through gorgeous photos on wedding sites or social media. Alas, it’s not always feasible to recreate these photos in real life, especially if you’re on a budget. If you find yourself feeling discouraged rather than inspired, click away from the pretty pictures.
Do: Focus on your relationship.
As a Mediator, you might want to please everyone: your family, your partner’s family, your friends, your vendors, your second cousin’s stepson’s new girlfriend... Alas, when it comes to planning a wedding, it’s just not possible to please everyone. When in doubt, work with your partner to make decisions that strengthen your bond and keep the two of you on the same team.
You might be a Protagonist if... you’re planning an outdoor wedding.
According to our research, Protagonists are the personality types most likely to want an outdoor wedding. That makes sense: Protagonists are deep thinkers who appreciate the value of nature, but they’re also Extraverts who love the idea of bringing together their nearest and dearest in a beautiful location.
Don’t: Outsource the playlist.
Protagonists have a reputation for being hardworking, but that’s only one small aspect of their personality. They’re also the type most likely to say they’re good dancers. Now, we can’t verify whether you’re really the best dancers out there, but if dancing matters to you, make sure you’re specific about what you do and don’t want to be played during your celebration.
Do: Keep it real.
Our research also shows that Protagonists are the personality type most likely to believe in a “soul mate.” That’s a beautiful concept, but don’t let it become an unreachable standard. Wedding planning can be stressful, and it may at times create tension in your relationship. Rather than pining for perfection, be sure to work together with your partner on addressing those sources of stress.
You might be a Campaigner if... you want your wedding to include plenty of group hugs.
Campaigners are known for their enthusiasm and goodwill. People with this personality type know how to have a good time – or rather, to turn anything into a good time – and they enjoy sharing that with others.
Don’t: Be too easygoing.
Sometimes, you have to tell people what you want. As a Campaigner, you might feel uncomfortable telling your vendors what to do, but they need your guidance. For example, put together a “shot list” for your photographer so you make sure they capture all the photographs (and people!) that matter to you. Otherwise, you might be dismayed to discover after the wedding that you don’t have any photos of you with your beloved Aunt Sylvia.
Do: Find offbeat ways to include your nearest and dearest.
As a Campaigner personality, you might feel obligated to make everyone feel special at your wedding. If you really want to have fifty groomsmen or bridesmaids, go for it. Otherwise, use your creativity to dream up less conventional ways to include your friends and loved ones. For example, ask a scrapbooking family member if they’d like to help you make a guestbook, or ask an artistically inclined friend for help making some decorations.
You might be a Logistician if... you’re all about spreadsheets.
Order, stability, and practicality – these are among a Logistician’s top values. People with this personality type probably won’t want an elaborate, trendy wedding. For them, simpler is better – no pyrotechnics required.
Don’t: Hold on to traditions that don’t work for you.
Traditions can be awesome, but not every tradition will make sense for you and your fiancé – and that’s fine. The Wedding Police won’t come for you if you skip the bouquet toss, have a brunch wedding, or leave your parents’ names off the invitations – we promise. Do what works for you and leave the rest.
Do: Leave a little room for the impractical.
Maybe you love flowers, or your fiancé wants a live band, but you’re reluctant to splurge on these items because they’re not necessities. As long as you and your partner have set a budget you’re comfortable with, let yourself enjoy a few indulgences or impracticalities without guilt.
You might be a Defender if... YOU should be the one writing this article.
Defenders keep the world turning. OK, maybe that’s not true, but these dependable, conscientious types work tirelessly behind the scenes to keep things running smoothly.
Don’t: Take it personally.
Oh, Defender – people are going to let you down. RSVPs will come in late, vendors will take too long to return your calls, and people in the wedding party will wait until the last minute to buy their shoes. Not everyone is quite as detail-oriented as you are, so if people drop the ball, send them a polite reminder and don’t take it personally.
Do: Slow down and enjoy.
As a Defender personality, you’re at risk of going into behind-the-scenes-coordinator mode at your wedding. Find a way to slow down and enjoy the day, and consider taking a short break to be alone with your partner after the ceremony. To paraphrase Ferris Bueller, your wedding day is going to move fast – and you don’t want to miss it.
You might be an Executive if... you know what you want.
Decisive, dedicated, organized – these are just a few of the words that come to mind when we describe Executives. People with this personality tend to be crystal-clear about their likes, dislikes, and opinions. These are the people who just know whether they want white, ivory, or oyster-colored tablecloths.
Don’t: Worry about impressing everyone.
In certain social circles, there’s a lot of pressure to have a wedding that’s super elaborate and fancy – by which we mean expensive. If that’s your cup of tea, go for it, but remember that if you try to impress everyone, you’re bound to end up disappointed. There’s always someone who thinks the champagne should have been bubblier, so to speak.
Do: Communicate your expectations (kindly.)
Your fiancé may not be as laser-focused as you are. If you expect them to meet certain deadlines or take on certain responsibilities with respect to the wedding planning, make sure you tell them upfront. Just make sure to do so with gentleness and respect.
You might be a Consul if... your guest list is HUGE.
Consuls, according to our research, are the personality type most likely to want 200 or more people at their wedding. And why wouldn’t they? Personable and caring, Consuls dedicate themselves to building communities. It only makes sense that they’d want to bring those communities to their wedding.
Don’t: Forget your handkerchief.
Our surveys indicate that Consuls are the personality type most likely to let themselves cry in front of others. So, don’t forget to have a handkerchief or tissue handy, just in case you cry happy, happy tears.
Do: Consider making a charitable donation in lieu of favors.
In many parts of the world, it’s traditional to have a favor – a small gift for the guest – at each place setting. But all too often, those cute little favors get forgotten or lost. So, Consul, why not make a charitable donation and support a worthy cause (perhaps a local charity that means a great deal to you) instead of buying favors?
You might be a Virtuoso if... you don’t care what anyone thinks.
Virtuosos go their own way. These personality types aren’t afraid to pursue their interests, develop a few key relationships, do what they want to do – and ignore what anyone else has to say about it.
Don’t: Check out.
If you’re a Virtuoso and wedding planning isn’t your thing, then chances are that you really don’t want to have anything to do with it. But it’s not fair to expect your fiancé to do all the work. Work together to figure out a few ways you can contribute your skills and time.
Do: Keep it small.
Virtuosos are among the personality types most likely to want a small wedding. Whatever size your guest list is, find at least a few ways to keep things simple and intimate. That way, you’re more likely to look back on your wedding day with fondness rather than frustration.
You might be an Adventurer if... you’re DIY-ing your wedding decor.
Creative with a dash of pragmatism, Adventurer personalities enjoy making things. Whether they have a paintbrush or a power tool in their hands, their greatest strengths are their spontaneity and their willingness to try something new.
Don’t: Go it alone.
Adventurers are Introverts, and they often prefer to work on projects independently. But wedding planning can be a lot of work. Even though it isn’t easy, you can prevent stress by finding ways to ask for help, delegate tasks, and collaborate rather than going it alone.
Do: Set mini-deadlines for DIY projects.
Maybe you’re planning to make your own centerpieces, ceremony arch, favors, signs, or even your own cake. It’s awesome that you want to bring your creativity to this process, but to stave off last-minute chaos, make sure that you pace yourself. Set mini-deadlines for each project so you don’t have to finish them all at once.
You might be an Entrepreneur if... you would bungee jump as part of your wedding ceremony.
Entrepreneurs enjoy living on the edge. For them, life is all about trying new things and having memorable experiences – the more outlandish, the better.
Don’t: Jump the gun.
Entrepreneur personalities aren’t known for their patience. This is one reason they’re so good at getting things done and getting them done now. When it comes to wedding planning, though, you might need to slow down just a little. For example, do your research before you commit to any expensive contracts with vendors.
Do: Break the mold.
Doing things differently is a part of your charm. Together with your partner, come up with some unique touches for your wedding. If you want to do a first skydive instead of a first dance, go for it – as long as your partner is on board, that is!
You might be an Entertainer if... you can’t wait for the first dance.
Fun, gregarious, charismatic – Entertainers can turn pretty much any gathering into a party. For them, the best way to celebrate love is for their wedding to be a great, unforgettable time.
Don’t: Be unrealistic.
People with the Entertainer personality type love to believe the best about every situation, but this can lead to chaos. Sure, you can give a camera to your 10-year-old niece and ask her to be your official photographer – but don’t be surprised if the photos are blurry, cut off, or mostly of a dog who wandered up to the ceremony. Be realistic about your options, and you’ll be much happier with the result.
Do: Spoil your sweetheart with attention.
If you have a big crowd at your wedding, it’s easy to get swept up in greeting everyone, raising your glass, and getting down on the dance floor. All of that is great – just don’t forget to give your partner some one-on-one attention on the big day.
You’ve found a partner you want to marry, and that’s what really matters. As you plan your wedding, think about your personality type (and your partner’s!) when making big decisions. This way, you won’t end up splurging on or agonizing about things that don’t matter to you. After all, your officiant isn’t going to say, “You may now kiss the tablecloths.”