ISFJ relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, ISFJs' kindness grows into a joy that is only found in taking care of their family and home, in being there for emotional and practical support whenever it's needed. Home is where the heart is for people with the ISFJ personality type, and in no other area of their lives do they strive with such dedication to create the harmony and beauty they wish to see in the world.

ISFJ personalityThe trouble is, these are the benefits of an established long-term relationship, and ISFJs' unbearable shyness means it can take a long time to reach this point. ISFJs are most attractive when they are simply being themselves in a comfortable environment such as work, where their natural flow shows this kindness and dedication. Relationships built on established familiarity are a warm prospect for ISFJs - they take dating seriously and only enter into relationships that have a real chance of lasting a lifetime.

Our Upward Course is Due to Our Soundness of Heart

ISFJs' shyness and sensitivity shield what are, beneath the surface, incredibly strong feelings. While not always obvious to others, this river of emotion can't be taken lightly or for granted - ISFJ personalities can value the idea of committed romance almost as highly as some regard religious beliefs. Hard as it may be, if either dating partner doubts their feelings, they must part ways before real emotional damage is done.

As their relationships do progress, ISFJs often continue to struggle with emotional expression, but they have the opportunity to let physical affection stand in for their loving words. People with this personality type take no greater joy than in pleasing others, often even considering this a personal duty, and this applies to intimacy as well. While dutiful sex may not sound especially attractive in those specific terms, intimacy is tremendously important to ISFJs, and they spare no effort in this department.

Nor is the pleasure they take in ensuring their partners' happiness limited to the bedroom - ISFJs spend an enormous amount of time and energy finding ways to keep their relationship satisfying for their partners. All they ask in return is commitment, love and, perhaps most of all, appreciation.

Like All the Best Families, We Have Our Disagreements...

However, not everyone is prepared to pay even that small price for the benefit of ISFJs' kindness. If their partners aren't willing or able to express this thanks, or worse still are openly critical of their ISFJ partners, they will find that, given time and pressure, all of those repressed emotions can burst forth in massive verbal attacks that all the future regret in the world won't blunt.

These outbursts are something to watch out for, but the more pervasive issue in ISFJs' relationships is that it can be too easy for their altruism and kindness to be taken advantage of, maybe even without their partners realizing it, while leaving ISFJs' own needs and dreams unfulfilled. This is something that ISFJs' partners, and ISFJ personalities themselves, must look after if they want the sort of long, fulfilling relationships they dream about. Expressing appreciation is often more than just the right words, it is reciprocation.

If these couples can manage this balance of mutual appreciation and goal-setting, they will come to find that the best ISFJ qualities emerge later in the relationship, as they work towards establishing families and homes together.

While perfectly capable in the workplace and among friends, ISFJs' true passions lie in taking care of their families, from playing with their children to the mundane needs of the household, efforts ISFJs are only too happy to contribute.

ISFJs are trustworthy, loyal, loving and faithful and nothing brings them more joy than the commitment of an appreciative and thriving relationship. The best matches are those who share these sensibilities, namely those who share the Observant (S) trait, with one or two opposing traits to ensure that both partners have room to grow, develop and help each other along, 'til the end of their days.

Strengths & Weaknesses


Your name:
Aug 24, 2014 08:12:19
This is too accurate
Aug 10, 2014 22:09:12
Absolutely me, no question!
Aug 02, 2014 04:00:16
I somehow feel that all the things I have been discovering about myself will lead me to my try self. I am a blk female just turned 36 I'm also a left hand Leo and I just learned that I'm a Empath as well. I would love to meet and talk to and be friends with others like myself. Isfj is really accurate for me!
Jul 28, 2014 15:45:18
Im an ESFP an omg, the ISFJ sounds perfect for me.
Sep 12, 2014 19:13:08
Yup, this is almost 100% accurate for me. I didn't know about this until today but now I'm totally glad I took that test
Feb 20, 2013 14:50:14
Hi Kate,

This is actually pretty common. The trait codes are dominant traits, and most people tend to have at least a little of both traits.

When people have a 50/50 trait balance, they often refer to themselves as ISFx (x being unknown, as it can refer to either traits) or ISFJ/P. Both ISFJ and ISFP descriptions will apply to you, but neither as strongly.