Romantic Relationships

Romantic relationships bring out a side of this personality type that may not be obvious at first glance. Beneath their mild, unassuming exteriors, Defenders thrum with passionate commitment and loyalty toward the people they love. At times, Defenders themselves may be surprised by the intensity of their feelings, especially their fierce desire to protect and care for their partner.

Defenders’ emotions run deep – so deep that people with this personality type may struggle to find the words to express just how much their partner means to them. But Defenders show their affection in a million little ways on a daily basis. Always eager to make their loved ones’ lives better and more pleasant, Defenders can transform even the most prosaic of tasks – from cooking dinner to organizing a weekend trip – into a heartfelt gesture of love and care.

Defender (ISFJ) romantic relationships

Defenders in Love

Although generally a proactive, can-do personality type, many Defenders struggle to take the initiative when it comes to dating. Asking someone out can be incredibly uncomfortable for Defenders, who tend to worry about not only rejection but also violating unspoken social rules. The bad news is that Defenders can end up feeling trapped, wanting to embark on a relationship but waiting for another person to make the first move.

Many Defenders long to bring their gifts to a loving relationship, but they hesitate to take the risk of asking someone out.

When they do find themselves in a relationship, Defenders are – in a word – committed. People with this personality type find great fulfillment in sharing their time, energy, and affection with another person, and as partners, they tend to be incredibly generous and supportive. They don’t take their relationships lightly, and they don’t give up easily – even when challenges inevitably arise. Defenders tend to have a realistic appreciation for the amount of effort that a healthy long-term relationship requires, and they’re more than willing to put in the work necessary to build a lasting bond with a person they cherish.

Soundness of Heart

Defenders’ pragmatic approach to life shields the incredibly strong feelings that lie within their hearts. It’s no surprise, then, that it can take these personalities a relatively long time to recover from the heartache of a breakup – or even a particularly painful disagreement. Defenders give so much of themselves in their relationships that they can feel deeply hurt when they believe that someone isn’t offering them enough love, commitment, and appreciation in return.

Unfortunately, Defenders may find it difficult to break off a relationship, even when things just aren’t working out. People with this personality type may hang on due to misplaced loyalty, a general fear of change, or the hope that they can somehow figure out how to change any problems for the better.

It would be a mistake, however, to think of Defenders as pushovers in their relationships. Although people with this personality type generally try to avoid conflict, they have clear and firm opinions and preferences on all kinds of subjects. And when they feel as if their partner isn’t respecting their wishes, all of their repressed frustration and disappointment may eventually boil over in the form of negativity, resentment, or heels-dug-in stubbornness.

Defenders devote themselves to their partner, but they may feel unfulfilled unless they remember to honor their own hopes and dreams.

In their heart of hearts, however, what Defenders want most is to ensure their partner’s happiness. As long as they balance this desire with a healthy amount of attention to their own needs and aspirations, Defenders can enjoy exactly the sort of enduring, impassioned relationships that they’ve always dreamed about.