INTP Friends

Many of the usual motivations for making friends – emotional support, social validation, shared routine – simply don’t apply to INTPs. More likely, these concepts are met with disdain, as people with the INTP personality type prize intellectual depth above all else. It is not easy to become good friends with INTPs, but if there is a common interest and a common train of thought, the connection is likely to spark instantly, surprising everyone else who thought they had this distant personality type pegged.

INTP friends

Be Slow to Fall Into Friendship...

INTP friendships are knowledge-based, defined by the exchange of ideas, theories, and concepts, and those who aren’t able to keep up with this, or who have sharply differing tastes (don’t talk to INTPs about celebrities) will find stony faces that border on rude. To INTPs, communication is often more of a nuisance than a pleasure, and conversation is reserved for topics that they find meaningful, or for people they already like enough to stick it out.

Unless there’s a natural affinity for this intellectual style, few have the patience to try to penetrate their shields, and INTPs are left with a naturally small circle of good friends.

Other Analyst types are a natural fit for INTPs, who share their passion for new ideas, riddles and solutions. People with the INTP personality type are knowledgeable and intelligent, and have a great deal of respect for those who can keep them on their toes in this regard. They will gladly help to tackle any dilemma thrown their way, offering up sound advice and rational solutions. As valuable as these qualities are though, they are not always the best approach – when it comes to emotional support or advice in dealing with matters of the heart, INTPs are at a loss.

It’s not that INTP personalities don’t feel – quite the contrary, they actually have very strong sentiments. But Feeling (F) is one of INTPs’ least developed traits, making their emotional reactions strong, untrustworthy and naturally in need of being tempered by their well-trained logic and rationalism. Still waters run deep.

...But When in Friendship, Continue Firm and Constant

While they may not be able to help directly with these sorts of problems, INTPs help indirectly with unambiguous and reliable friendships. INTPs’ friends need never worry about power games or emotional baggage – they are liked for their minds and abilities, not their status or possessions. While it may not be easy to establish true friendships with INTP personalities, once the link is made, they will provide years of understanding and thought-stimulating ideas, making them well worth the effort.

Sivana Holler
4 years ago
Well it is not really that I'm picky about my friends, it's just that a lot of people don't seem to understand me, and only certain people can really cope with my crazy imagination, and my desire to be different. But there are a few people who I can't stand, and those people tend to not be able to understand my sarcasm, and are too cool to just be themselves. I know I've accidentally hurt some people's feelings before with my sarcasm, because when someone starts to complain about how fat or ugly they are I don't really know what to say or do so I just joke about it and pretend to agree with them, and some people take me seriously and get upset even though I really don't mean it. Also I do find it hard to express my feelings especially when someone comes up to me and complains about something, I do truly feel sorry for them, but I don't know how express it. Now I know why I have this problem, I'm an INTP!
4 years ago
I can definitely relate to this, my childhood is dotted with incidents in which I spat out some offhand comment that ended up sounding much more hurtful than I had intended. It has gotten easier with age, but its a struggle.
4 years ago
I don't really feel like I have friends, but rather acquaintances. I might have cut myself off from other people through my sarcasm and dark humor. I don't really have any regrets.
3 years ago
True. "Friendly acquaintances" are mostly the people who might consider me as a friend but have no clue what my true personality is. I tend to be shy and reserved around people who I don't "click" with, but I really am quite easygoing with my true friends. I call them friendly acquaintances because they assume someone as seemingly shy as me couldn't EVER be outgoing, have a decent sense of humor, or get sarcasm. They feel the need to explain the joke and me, desperately swallowing that annoyance before it comes out, just nods and smiles. It annoys me they would see the world as black and whites, never wondering if there was more to my personality. That is why I would sometimes snap and say something sarcastic or tell a dark joke. It's not like I was mad at them; it's more like I wanted them to know that their assumptions of me are all wrong. Although I believe it might partially be my fault, I don't regret snapping at them if all they were are people who judge me just because of my outward personality. Trust issues from past events have made me shy and wary of others at first, but if they would just try not to be so blind, they would know that I don't like not having friends. If that's the type of people they are, then I'm glad I avoided potential drama benefiting from becoming their "friend". Phew. Nice Anon-tag, by the way Cheese.
4 years ago
this is so true, im still at school, my 'bff' and I are close but not like all the other people in my year. I find it hard to communicate to other people, and when put on the spot I melt down. great website, good to know im 'destined' for greatness and have social issues
4 years ago
I dis-like the comment, "this is why I have no friends." Better, I think, is, "this is why I never wanted [many] friends." I've always been a loner - a happy loner. I require a lot of quiet time. I like friends to be, "in their place." Work friends are for work, not home, not going out to eat - work. The few friends I have, have commented that I don't talk about my life outside of where they know me very much (work friends don't know about my personal life, for instance). They also say I'm hard to read. Sadly, I've been called underemotional, cold, and indifferent. The truth is, I care deeply and am thinking about what has happened, rationalizing it, looking for underlying principles or problems, and possible solutions. I do care. Finally humor. One friend in particular says she never knows if I'm kidding. She says sometimes my comments are hurtful until she learned my sarcasm. DARK SIDE? I once moved and the man next door introduced himself and immediately began giving me a hard time. I asked, "have you ever been set on fire?" We ended up being friends.
4 years ago
if you’re considering being friends with an INTP, be ready to make the first steps especially at the beginning, and the beginning could sometimes be a very long time. They might take to you immediately, not that they’ll show it, and it might get easier. They might not either and the you might have a long and slow journey before you reach the point of established friendship. INTPs tend to be reserved and have a lot of layers. It might take a really long time to get to know one, and even more to make sense of what you know of one and truly understand one.
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