Extraverted Observant Feeling Judging

ESFJ Personality


Consuls are very caring, social, community-minded people who are always eager to help.

A scene depicting the ESFJ personality type (Consul). Two excited children are seated at a table, while their smiling ESFJ parents carry over wrapped presents and a birthday cake with lit candles. A loyal dog companion stands nearby, eager to join in the festivities. The scene conveys the joy and togetherness the ESFJ personality type finds in bringing loved ones together to honor important milestones and strengthen family bonds.
E Extraverted S Observant F Feeling J Judging

Romantic Relationships

Because people with the ESFJ personality type (Consuls) prize social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for them. No other kind of relationship provides them with the same level of support and devotion. Consequently, the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely fulfilling for ESFJs.

ESFJ personalities don’t typically do casual flings. They need to know that their partner will always be by their side offering unwavering support – marriage and family are often the ultimate goal.

ESFJs take each stage of a developing relationship, from dating to everything thereafter, very seriously. Everything about their relationships is based on satisfying mutual needs. They set out to create understanding early on and to build mutual respect and support for each other’s opinions and goals as time goes on. Knowing that they are loved and appreciated can have a huge effect on ESFJ personalities’ mood and self-esteem.

ESFJ (Consul) romantic relationships

A Tender Heart

If they feel like the support that they crave isn’t there, such as when their partner delivers criticism, ESFJs can feel extremely hurt. People with this personality type dislike conflict and criticism, which can make it challenging to address any problems that come up. Nothing is more hurtful or depressing to them than to realize that their partner doesn’t respect their dreams or opinions. They can be surprisingly tough and tireless in the face of hardship, but they need to know without a doubt that their partner is behind them 100%.

Unfortunately, less mature ESFJ personalities may lack the inner strength and wisdom to attract this in healthy ways. They can feel very lost without validation, compromising their own principles and values in exchange for their partner’s approval. This is a terrible trap – not only does it result in them losing touch with themselves but it can also too easily lead to being taken advantage of, which can further reduce their self-esteem. Another snare is their fixation on social status and approval – it’s not uncommon for their social circles and relatives to play a bigger part in their choice of dating partner than even their own values.

Cultivating Trust

ESFJs are warm, loyal people who want to feel trusted and valued. They feel very at peace when they are involved in a secure, steady, and loving relationship and have no problem with the dedication that monogamous relationships require. In fact, people with the ESFJ personality type tend to be particularly great with practical matters like money management and household tasks and are happy to take on such responsibilities in the name of taking care of the people they care about – a wonderful quality.

ESFJs just need to make sure that they work to build relationships that also allow them to satisfy their own needs and dreams with a partner who appreciates their care and generosity fully and who reciprocates it in kind. While their natural disposition to care for others is commendable, they must remember not to neglect their own desires and aspirations in the process.