Prizing social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for ESFJs. No other kind of relationship provides people with the ESFJ personality type with the same level of support and devotion, and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely warming.
With such a goal in mind, ESFJ personalities take each stage, from dating to everything thereafter, very seriously. Everything about ESFJs’ relationships is based on satisfying mutual needs, from creating understanding early on to building mutual respect and support for each other’s opinions and goals. Knowing that they are loved and appreciated has a huge effect on ESFJs’ mood and self-esteem.
Live Long Enough and Everyone Makes Mistakes...
If they feel like this support isn’t there, such as when their partners deliver criticism, ESFJs can feel extremely hurt. People with the ESFJ personality type dislike conflict and criticism, which can make it challenging to address any problems that come up. Nothing is more hurtful or depressing to ESFJs than to realize that their partners don’t respect their dreams or opinions. ESFJs can be surprisingly tough and tireless in the face of hardship, but they need to know without a doubt that their partners are behind them 100%.
Unfortunately, less mature ESFJs may lack the inner strength and wisdom to attract this in healthy ways. They can be very needy, compromising their own principles and values in exchange for their partners’ approval. This is a terrible trap – not only is it unattractive, it can too easily lead to emotionally abusive relationships, which reduce ESFJs’ self-esteem further. Another snare is their fixation on social status and approval – it’s not uncommon for ESFJs’ social circles and relatives to play a bigger part in their choice of dating partners than even their own values.
...But Learning From Those Mistakes Makes a Better Person
ESFJs are warm, loyal people who want to feel trusted and valued. They are great with practical matters like money management and administrative tasks, and are happy to take on such responsibilities in the name of taking care of the people they care about, a wonderful quality. ESFJs just need to make sure they take the time to ensure that they build relationships that allow them to satisfy their own needs and dreams, with partners who appreciate their care and generosity fully, and who reciprocate as well.
ESFJs are often very organized in how their relationships develop, following established dating rules and traditions (don’t call first, third date, etc.). As their relationships enter more sexual stages, ESFJs’ emphasis on process and tradition continue with established gender roles and socially acceptable activities.
However, since ESFJs are so centered on the physical world and are quite emotional, they tend to be very affectionate and sensual, and overall great sexual partners. People with this personality type love to find ways to make their partners happy, and this sort of intimacy is a great way to do so. As the two partners become more comfortable with each other, ESFJs are often open to experimenting and trying new things, so long as their partners are willing to reciprocate.
ESFJs have specific needs for their relationships, and certain personality types are best able to meet those needs. In general, partners should share ESFJs’ Observant (S) trait, but it can also be useful to develop a sense of introspection that Introverted (I) partners can provide, with maybe one more opposing trait to help ESFJs focus on logical decisions when appropriate, or to be more open-minded in new situations.