Consul Personality

ESFJ-A / ESFJ-T

Romantic Relationships

Prizing social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for Consuls. No other kind of relationship provides people with the Consul personality type with the same level of support and devotion, and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely warming.

Consuls don’t do casual flings – they need to know that their partners will always be by their sides offering unwavering support, and marriage and family are the ultimate goal.

With such a goal in mind, Consul personalities take each stage, from dating to everything thereafter, very seriously. Everything about Consuls’ relationships is based on satisfying mutual needs, from creating understanding early on to building mutual respect and support for each other’s opinions and goals. Knowing that they are loved and appreciated has a huge effect on Consuls’ mood and self-esteem.

Consul (ESFJ) romantic relationships

Live Long Enough and Everyone Makes Mistakes...

If they feel like this support isn’t there, such as when their partners deliver criticism, Consuls can feel extremely hurt. People with the Consul personality type dislike conflict and criticism, which can make it challenging to address any problems that come up. Nothing is more hurtful or depressing to Consuls than to realize that their partners don’t respect their dreams or opinions. Consuls can be surprisingly tough and tireless in the face of hardship, but they need to know without a doubt that their partners are behind them 100%.

Unfortunately, less mature Consuls may lack the inner strength and wisdom to attract this in healthy ways. They can be very needy, compromising their own principles and values in exchange for their partners’ approval. This is a terrible trap – not only is it unattractive, it can too easily lead to emotionally abusive relationships, which reduce Consuls’ self-esteem further. Another snare is their fixation on social status and approval – it’s not uncommon for Consuls’ social circles and relatives to play a bigger part in their choice of dating partners than even their own values.

...But Learning From Those Mistakes Makes a Better Person

Consuls are warm, loyal people who want to feel trusted and valued. They are great with practical matters like money management and administrative tasks, and are happy to take on such responsibilities in the name of taking care of the people they care about, a wonderful quality. Consuls just need to make sure they take the time to ensure that they build relationships that allow them to satisfy their own needs and dreams, with partners who appreciate their care and generosity fully, and who reciprocate as well.

Consuls are often very organized in how their relationships develop, following established dating rules and traditions (don’t call first, third date, etc.). As their relationships enter more sexual stages, Consuls’ emphasis on process and tradition continue with established gender roles and socially acceptable activities.

However, since Consuls are so centered on the physical world and are quite emotional, they tend to be very affectionate and sensual, and overall great sexual partners. People with this personality type love to find ways to make their partners happy, and this sort of intimacy is a great way to do so. As the two partners become more comfortable with each other, Consuls are often open to experimenting and trying new things, so long as their partners are willing to reciprocate.

Consuls have specific needs for their relationships, and certain personality types are best able to meet those needs. In general, partners should share Consuls’ Observant (S) trait, but it can also be useful to develop a sense of introspection that Introverted (I) partners can provide, with maybe one more opposing trait to help Consuls focus on logical decisions when appropriate, or to be more open-minded in new situations.

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