There’s no instruction manual for dealing with loss. The seven stages of grief, however, can help you make sense of the chaos, especially when you understand how personality shapes the journey.
What’s Coming Up
- Everyone Grieves Differently
- What are the 7 Stages of Grief?
- When to Seek Professional Help for Grief
- How to Support Someone Through the Stages of Grief
- Moving Forward: Living with Grief After Loss
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Further Reading
Everyone Grieves Differently
If you’re grieving right now, you might be wondering if what you’re feeling is “normal.” The short answer is yes.
Everyone grieves differently. Most people, however, pass through the same common experiences after loss.
Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the original five stages of grief in 1969, based on her work with terminally ill patients. Over time, practitioners expanded this to seven stages by adding the upward turn and reconstruction – acknowledging the gradual shift from acute grief toward rebuilding life.
Think of these stages as a map showing the possible terrain you might encounter as you work through grief, not a well-defined route. Some people experience all seven stages. Others skip stages entirely. Many oscillate between stages, revisiting pain they thought they’d moved past. All of these patterns are normal.
What makes your grief journey unique isn’t just what you’ve lost – it’s shaped by who you are.
Different personality types process loss through entirely different lenses. Understanding these patterns can help you recognize what you need, avoid common pitfalls for your type, and move through grief in a way that honors your loss
Ready to uncover the truth about who you really are? Take our free personality test and gain deep insights into your strengths, challenges, and more in just 10 minutes.
What are the 7 Stages of Grief?
In this section, we’re going to describe each stage of grief, including the common experiences people report, physical and emotional signs to watch for, and how different personality types tend to navigate that particular terrain.
Use these insights to better understand your own path or recognize what someone you care about might be experiencing.
Stage 1: Shock and Denial
The first response to devastating news is often disbelief. Your mind may simply refuse to accept what happened, creating emotional numbness that acts as a buffer against overwhelming pain.
Common signs of shock and denial include:
- Thoughts like “This can’t be happening”
- Temporary forgetting that the loss occurred
- Repeated waves of reality hitting you, as if hearing the news anew
- Emotional numbness and inability to fully comprehend what’s happened
- Physical numbness, fatigue, and nausea
- Difficulty sleeping or feeling disconnected from your body
- Confusion and disorientation
Your personality strongly influences the way you express your grief during this stage. Introverts often process shock and grief internally, appearing outwardly calm despite their inner turmoil. Extraverts are more likely to be expressive in their disbelief, however. As more verbal processors, they often prefer to reach out to others and share about their experience.
This initial stage typically lasts from just moments to several weeks. As you become stronger, the shock naturally begins to fade, though waves of disbelief may return at unexpected moments.
Stage 2: Pain and Guilt
As shock wears off, the full weight of your loss settles in. Pain and guilt frequently arrive together, creating a compound experience that can feel overwhelming.
Common signs of pain and guilt include:
- Repeated replaying of events and questioning what you could have done differently
- Feelings of responsibility for things outside your control
- Physical pain like tightness in your chest, heaviness in your body, or loss of appetite
- Intrusive thoughts like “If only I had...” or “I should have...”
- Profound sadness that feels all-consuming
- Self-reproach and remorse about past actions or inaction
Feeling types tend to experience this type of guilt quite intensely, torturing themselves with “what ifs” about emotional moments and reliving conversations they wish they’d had. Thinking types are more likely to get stuck in analyzing the circumstances around their loss. They may see their grief itself as a problem to solve. This can lead to suppressed emotions that surface later.
Turbulent personalities generally struggle more with guilt than their Assertive counterparts. Regardless of their other traits, they tend to be more self-critical, which can add an extra layer of pain. These types need to be especially gentle with themselves during this stage.
Stage 3: Anger and Bargaining
As pain becomes familiar, anger often emerges. You might be angry at the person who died for leaving you, angry at doctors, angry at God, or angry at yourself. Bargaining accompanies anger as your mind tries to negotiate with reality, searching for ways to undo what can’t be undone.
Common signs of anger and bargaining include:
- Rage or fury that seems disproportionate to minor triggers
- Mental negotiations like “What if I promise to...”
- A search for scenarios that could reverse or prevent the loss
- Physical symptoms like tightness in the chest, a racing heart, muscle tension, and headaches
Some personality types, like those with the Introverted or Feeling traits, are naturally conflict-avoidant and may feel uncomfortable with anger, viewing it as “wrong.” During this stage of grief, they’ll need to give themselves permission to feel angry. For those who are more prone to intense expression, channeling anger through physical activity or journaling may be helpful.
Stage 4: Depression, Reflection, and Loneliness
Once shock fades and anger quiets, deep sadness often settles in. This is a natural, appropriate response to loss.
Common signs of depression, reflection, and loneliness include:
- Loss of interest in activities that once brought joy
- Exhaustion from getting through basic daily tasks
- Physical fatigue and a heavy feeling in your body
- Changes in sleep patterns (insomnia or oversleeping) and appetite
- Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
- Deep introspection about your loss and how your life has changed
Introverts need alone time to process, but in grief, this can slide into prolonged isolation. Setting concrete goals for social connection will help them avoid becoming trapped in their sadness.
Extraverts may distract themselves with social obligations, avoiding the deep internal processing necessary to get through this stage. Similarly, Thinking types may struggle to sit with deep sadness. These types should be intentional about making time for reflection.
If you find yourself feeling stuck in this phase, you might want to consider reaching out for professional support. Grief counselors can help you discover healthy coping strategies, provide comfort, and support you in your healing.
Stage 5: The Upward Turn
Gradually, the fog of grief will begin to lift. You’ll notice moments when the pain feels less crushing. You’ll laugh at something, then feel surprised that you can still laugh. This upward turn doesn’t mean you’ve stopped grieving – it signals that acute grief is loosening its grip.
Common signs of the upward turn include:
- Energy levels beginning to return and stabilize
- Sleep patterns improving and appetite normalizing
- Physical symptoms of grief starting to ease
- Stretches of emotional stability – maybe not happiness exactly, but calm
- Renewed connections with friends
- Moments of relief or lightness that don’t immediately trigger guilt
- Ability to think about your loss without being consumed by it
Many people feel guilty when they notice the upward turn, worrying that feeling better means forgetting. This guilt is misplaced. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting. Moving forward doesn’t mean moving on.
Sleeping through the night or going a full day without crying may be the first signs that some people may notice, especially Observant personality types, as they start to move beyond the depression of grief and back to normality. For Intuitive types, this phase might look like having finally found meaning in their experience.
Stage 6: Reconstruction and Working Through
As the upward turn continues, you shift from primarily emotional processing to actively rebuilding your life. Reconstruction means figuring out how to live in your new reality. You’re not trying to return to your old life, but rather build a new one that incorporates your loss with your continued existence.
Common signs of reconstruction include:
- Tackling practical challenges head-on rather than avoiding them
- Establishing new routines and daily rhythms
- Redefining your identity and sense of self
- Experiencing grief that still surfaces but no longer interferes with day-to-day functioning
- Actively problem-solving the life changes created by your loss
- Building new skills and capabilities you never needed before
- Creating goals and making plans for your future
Judging personalities may try to rush into this stage, finding refuge from their grief by creating plans, setting concrete goals, and systematically working through the practical aspects of life after loss. They must take care to avoid becoming rigid in their expectations, and embrace flexibility if their grief knocks them off track.
Prospecting types are more flexible, which can be a real strength as they figure out their new routines. If they are not intentional about rebuilding the structure of their life, however, they may continue to feel lost and overwhelmed.
Stage 7: Acceptance and Hope
Acceptance doesn’t mean you’re okay with what happened. Instead, it means acknowledging that your loss is a permanent part of your life story – and that you can still build a meaningful future.
Common signs of acceptance and hope include:
- A sense of peace, though sadness may still surface periodically
- Integration of the loss into your identity and life narrative
- Freedom from “if only” or “why me” thinking
- A shift toward “this happened, and here’s how I’ll carry it forward”
- A sense of meaning found through through advocacy, supporting others, or personal growth
- Capacity to speak about the loss without being overwhelmed by emotion
- Recognition that grief may revisit you, but no longer defines you
- Ability to feel joy again without guilt
Thinking personality types might think of “acceptance” as processing their loss logically and adjusting life plans accordingly, but without emotional integration, they may find it hard to fully move forward. For Feeling types, “acceptance” might mean understanding that reaching full emotional peace is unlikely, but it’s still okay to move forward.
Acceptance looks different for each personality type, but ultimately means carrying your loss with grace rather than being consumed by it.
There is no “correct” way to grieve, and your unique journey is valid. If you’re wondering how long grief lasts, the answer is deeply personal and depends on many factors. Grief comes in waves – intense at times, quieter at others. You might feel you’re making progress, then suddenly find yourself overwhelmed by a memory or reminder. Grief is not linear.
When to Seek Professional Help for Grief
Most people work through their grief without professional intervention, but approximately 10% of bereaved individuals develop Prolonged Grief Disorder, according to research published in FOCUS, the Journal of Lifelong Learning in Psychiatry. If you notice several of these symptoms more than a year after your initial loss, you may benefit from extra support:
- Feeling like part of yourself has died
- Experiencing marked disbelief about the loss
- Having difficulty reintegrating into daily life
- Feeling that life is meaningless
- Experiencing complete isolation or loss of purpose
Seek help immediately if you’re experiencing thoughts of self-harm, an inability to meet your basic needs, or severe substance abuse. Reaching out isn’t weakness – it’s wisdom.
How to Support Someone Through the Stages of Grief
If you’re reading this article because someone you care about is grieving, you’re already doing something important – you’re seeking to understand their experience. Understanding the seven stages of grief can help you recognize what your loved one might be going through, anticipate their needs, and avoid common mistakes that people often make despite their sincere desire to help.
Supporting a grieving person requires patience and willingness to sit with uncomfortable emotions. What grieving people need most is your presence.
If you’re not sure what to say to someone who has lost a loved one, simple acknowledgment helps. Saying “I’m so sorry for your loss” is often enough. Show up and keep showing up. Check in weeks and months after the loss. Offer specific practical help. “I’m bringing dinner on Tuesday” works better than “let me know if you need anything.”
Most importantly, let them cry, be angry, or sit in silence without trying to fix their pain.
Supporting Different Personality Types Through Grief
You may not know your loved one’s specific personality type, but paying attention to their natural tendencies can help you provide the support they actually need.
If the person needs space and quiet to process, preferring texts over calls and shorter visits, give them room without interpreting their withdrawal as rejection.
If they benefit from presence and conversation, processing grief out loud and connecting with others, listen repeatedly, invite them to things, and facilitate social activities.
If they appreciate practical help and concrete assistance more than emotional discussions, respect their processing style and don’t pressure them to share feelings.
If they’re openly emotional and need validation and a listening ear, be comfortable with their intensity and resist the urge to fix their pain.
The key to supporting someone you love through the seven stages of grief is to follow their lead and do more of what they respond to positively.
Moving Forward: Living with Grief After Loss
The seven stages of grief shouldn’t be thought of as a cut and dry process you methodically complete. Instead, think of them as changeable elements of a pattern you learn to recognize. You might circle back through anger months after you thought you’d reached acceptance, or skip denial entirely only to crash hard into depression.
Your personality shapes which stages feel most treacherous and which pass more quickly, but none of that makes your particular journey wrong.
It’s only when you get through to the other side that the obvious becomes clear – you don’t move past loss by leaving it behind. You integrate it. And that’s precisely what the seven stages are leading you to.
The life you’re building now can be meaningful precisely because it honors both your loss and your continued existence. Be kind and gentle with yourself – kinder and gentler than you think necessary. And if someone you love is grieving, extend them compassion and boundless patience.
What’s been lost matters – and so does what comes next.
Frequently Asked Questions
What are the 7 stages of grief?
The seven stages of grief are shock and denial, pain and guilt, anger and bargaining, depression and loneliness, the upward turn, reconstruction, and acceptance and hope. These stages describe common experiences during grief but aren’t meant to be followed in order or experienced by everyone.
Are there 5 or 7 stages of grief?
Both models exist – Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross originally identified five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance), while the 7-stage model adds the upward turn and reconstruction. Neither model should be seen as a required path, as grief is highly individual and non-linear.
How long do the 7 stages of grief last?
There’s no universal timeline for moving through the different stages of grief, but all together they typically last from 6 to 12 months. However, the total grieving process can extend from months to several years depending on the nature of the loss, your support system, and individual resilience. If intense symptoms persist beyond 12 months without improvement, consider seeking professional support.
What is the hardest stage of grief?
The hardest stage of grief varies by individual, but many people find the depression and loneliness stage most difficult because it can last the longest and feel the most hopeless. Others struggle most with the initial shock or with the intense pain and guilt. The “hardest” stage is often whichever one you’re currently experiencing.