In common usage, ego refers to how highly one thinks of oneself. That can be a double-edged sword, and Mediator (INFP) personality types seem to have conflicted opinions on ego. For example, about seven out of 10 say having a big ego is a bad thing, yet six out of 10 say they think their ego is something that they should embrace. Mediators have a relatively negative view of ego compared to many other personality types and are among those most likely to say their ego gets smaller over time.
To see the full data for all personality types, take our “Ego” survey for yourself.
What’s going on here? Ego is a complex subject, and so is the Mediator mind. Let’s try to unpack some of the factors involved and consider how ego might be an overlooked asset that can bring Mediators happiness. But first, let’s think about why they might take a dim view of ego.
Negative Feelings on Ego
Ego is often (rightly) synonymous with arrogance – something that Mediators may find offensive in others and troubling in themselves. Mediators tend to be empathetic, and the idea of arrogance causing one person to disregard or dominate others goes against their natural personality style and social philosophy. Mediators aren’t as comfortable as many personality types are with competition and may see any form of “putting oneself first” as selfish and unkind.
When it comes to ego, there’s a very fine line between self-regard (thinking well of oneself) and self-importance (thinking too highly of oneself). It’s natural for people to compare themselves to others and derive positive self-regard from being better in some way. That doesn’t always lead to self-importance, but it includes critically judging others, which can feel harsh to Mediators. Consequently, any whiff of their own ego can potentially smell like being mean.
Think it’s a stretch that any personality type would feel guilty that their internal thoughts might be mean to other people? The Mediator mind can be just that empathetically sensitive. Unfortunately, the Mediator capacity for compassion is often matched by their capacity for guilt. If ego is a double-edged sword, with self-esteem on one side and arrogance on the other, many Mediators would rather forgo their ego than risk being – or even seeming – arrogant or mean.
But the ego isn’t just an important part of the self – it is the self in psychological terms. The positive side of ego is powerful and offers a lot of positive benefits if handled correctly. (Yep, I’m sticking with that sword metaphor). Here’s the thing: you can blunt one side of a double-edged sword while sharpening the other. Mediator personalities can wield their ego beneficially without harming others, and that’s a personal-growth skill very much worth practicing – even if it’s not always easy.
The Positive Mediator Ego
Everyone deserves to be the hero of their own story. Celebrating one’s own grandness does indeed carry some risk of arrogance, but it’s an acceptable risk. The ego can serve as a companion to Mediators’ hopes and dreams – a positive self-image that cuts through fear, doubt, and shame. It’s a testament to Mediators’ values that they’re concerned by the negative aspects of ego, but that shouldn’t prevent them from embracing its benefits. Here are some positive messages that the Mediator ego can offer.
You’re the Best
The admirable desire to avoid making others feel bad may lead Mediators to suppress their pride when they’ve succeeded, surpassed someone, won a competition, or excelled at work. The ego would argue with excessive humility, and frankly, the ego may be right. Respectfully acknowledging one’s own capability – or even superiority – is a fair and healthy way to build self-confidence and happiness.
The emotional rewards of a hard-earned victory are some of the best feelings, and experiencing them fully can provide Mediators with amazing energy and self-esteem. It’s perfectly okay to succeed, and celebrating one’s own success isn’t the same as denigrating someone else’s performance. The Mediator ego can easily be graceful in victory because it’s tempered by this personality’s considerate nature.
You Will Succeed
Of course, major successes in life might be few and far between, and failures are inevitable. Mediators face the challenge of maintaining their motivation as they work toward their goals (or simply let the future unfold). The ego would say that good things await and that Mediator personalities will achieve them. When challenges surface, the ego would highlight one’s positive potential rather than one’s faults, and that can be a very productive mindset.
The ego can help Mediators maintain their motivation, and that’s a good thing. Sometimes an inner affirmation can be exactly what’s needed to weather a dismal period of life or move past a failure. Optimism and imagination are among Mediators’ most wonderful qualities, and when the ego provides energy for those things, the results can be extremely beneficial. Believing in success even when it doesn’t seem likely has helped more than one person beat the odds and make their dreams come true.
You Are Worthy
It’s not always easy for Mediators to accept praise and love when their own negative self-image stands in the way. It’s far too easy for self-criticism to take center stage and obscure the truth, but ego invites Mediators to think better of themselves. That can lead to more balanced clarity and, in turn, allow Mediator personalities to absorb positive external messages without letting their negative biases dilute or corrupt them.
Perhaps more importantly, seeing themselves in a better light can allow Mediators to accept and appreciate themselves, regardless of external messages that they receive. The ego can be a healthy counterpoint to self-doubt, helping people with this personality type maintain a sense of self-worth that’s independent of what others think. That’s a lifelong practice that’s easier said than done, but the Mediator ego, if not allowed to run amok, can be an ongoing asset in that practice.
Conclusion: The Right Amount of Ego
So that’s it! The message here is that both Mediator camps mentioned in the intro statistics are right. Having too big of an ego is probably not a good thing, but embracing the ego in the right way can be a great thing. Mediators can hone the way that ego serves as a voice of inner strength and self-love without letting its other side do any damage. That can be a bit of a balancing act, but for those who tend toward humility and self-doubt, exploring the beneficial side of the ego can be a wise path to personal growth – and happiness.