INTP Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs – they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

From the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously – their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they’re involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early in the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs’ daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses – their partner may very much need these things, and it won’t even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others’ emotional needs.

INTP romantic relationships
When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners’ feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren’t meeting their partners’ emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level – if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal – to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs’ creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy – they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

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4 years ago
As an INTP, I would say the perfect spouse would be a Diplomat (NF combination, and especially an extroverted one); someone to do the talking for me, and explain to me how these "feelings" work.
4 years ago
I'm INTP and I've been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (ENFP) for four years! I think we get along really well with each other, and the nature of our long-distance relationship has always given me an amount of space when I needed it. I really like how my girlfriend is so enthusiastic/curious about me and the world around her. She's very devoted, and it's really wonderful and warming to be with her (though I do know that I have to work hard to keep her smiling!). I feel like I can really open up myself to her without being afraid of being judged for my awkwardness. The most troublesome thing for us so far is how different our friend circles are. My girlfriend collects very many friends of all sorts of different personalities, but I get very shy and self-conscious when I interact with them.
Big D
4 years ago
This part made me do my evil laughter, twice: INTPs’ simple daily needs are completely opposite their inner world, which is bound to be very complex and colourful. However, there is a certain logic behind this: INTPs purposefully seek simplicity in the “real” life so that they can focus all their mental power on the inner world. Bullseye
3 years ago
Yep. Absolutely correct.
Dara O'Boyle
4 years ago
I am not an emotionless person at all yet I fit in with everything else about the INTP personality. People who do not understand logic will think that it does not take emotions into consideration. It is the complete opposite. Logic is finding the right answer, the right answer will take all emotions into consideration as the right answer will benefit the most amount of people that matter in the long term and short term.
Big D
4 years ago
Yup, I mostly concur. Further, logic is actually impossible to implement without having "emotion" as the driving force. Like a computer needs a programmer. Logic is a comparator. What things are we comparing? What aspects of those things? Why? Logic cannot operate without assumptions. These assumptions ultimately rise from what we call "emotions", if you follow it back far enough. Logic is a means to an emotional ends. Logic and emotion are not opposites, they need each other
4 years ago
I've always heard it explained more like this: people with T as their primary function aren't "emotionless." They just have a hard time coping with their own and others' emotions. I'm an INTP, and I base my decisions on logic. But I tend to get very emotional every now and then. I'm not in control over my emotions and I don't know how to handle them. It also isn't my primary mode of thinking. Being a T doesn't mean you don't have feelings. It just means that you don't let them control you and you might have a hard time controlling them.
4 years ago
I would say that this is very accurate for me, particularly seeking simple life, having simple daily needs and creating complex and passionate intimate thoughts that I don't share with my partner ( an enfj), however I don't necessarily think that I have a "vivid" imagination. I don't think in color or visuals but I can be creative in problem solving and often enjoy it immensely.
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