INTP Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs – they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

From the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously – their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they’re involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early in the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs’ daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses – their partner may very much need these things, and it won’t even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others’ emotional needs.

INTP romantic relationships
When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners’ feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren’t meeting their partners’ emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level – if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal – to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs’ creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy – they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

Naomi Stephen
3 years ago
I always put aside my heart because I think logic comes first, but I can't see whats wrong about it? but you know sometimes I feel empty, like I don't exist to this world. I can't show my true emotion and I keep my face flat to others and I barely show my affection to everybody. I may seem distant, cold, and unapproachable, but actually I care for other, really care and I'm a warm person once you know me, but I just can't show it off. Are you guys feel the same or it just me?
3 years ago
Yeah, I can relate. I'm also a female with a INTP personality type.
2 years ago
male intp here and for me it's not too different to the thing with reality feeling like a dream: i know this feeling well, maybe, if you daydream a lot(or in other words think about things in a really strong way so you forget your surroundings) dream and reality begin to fuse i'm also really bad in showing emotions, i often get said i'm looking bored (while that's not true at all, i'm just staring into the air thinking, it's far away from boredom), if somebody knows me a bit better they discribe me as tranquilizing and with that i'm fine. oh and i love to cuddle but obviously im not good in initializing something like this but on the other hand, when someone comes near me i get kind of turned into stone (while i actually like it i simply can't handle it well) but that makes the other person think she´s gone to far and retracts. another question: does anyone of you love it to be outside with some friends in a summernight with a little fire and just stare into the flames or the sky (love stars, and even more dreaming about traveling them), thinking/dreaming, while the friends are talking? ps:none of these problems applies to anonymous communication in text form
9 months ago
Same here I just absolutely love cuddling with people and I don't even know why
Maureen Khan
3 years ago
No matter how many times I take the test..still an INTP. I do better at life on my own. People have called me the ice queen number of times. I learned to take time out to think. I have come to realise that as an INTP female, I cannot make a man happy. I end up being resented for who I am! Too strong, too intelligent, too logical, very cold, etc and the list goes on. Socialising and emotionally needy people drain me so have few select friends, ones with whom I can connect intellectually. I do not need validation from anyone. I am very happy with who I am now. It is better to know yourself at an earlier age and be brave.
Tom Nook
3 years ago
I think that feeling of resention comes from colliding with other personality types. Sometimes when my friends talk about a women as "bossy" or "asserted" in a negative tone, all I, as an INTP, can think about is "and that is bad... how?" because I get easily frustrated at the perception that most other women as totally unable to make up their mind! Consequently I see consistency in words and actions (made possibly by robust logic) as great indicators of a person I want to spend time with.
3 years ago
I took the test and after red the description. It fits to me for the most part! I'm dating a girl with the INFP personality. Wile we do have a lot of things we can talk about and we do understand eachother for the most part, sometimes we really can't and it leads to massive conflicts. After reading both her and my personality description; it all makes sense. From what I understood it seems to me like this: INTP have Introverted logic which means they recreate what is true or false backed by unemotional data. Thats the logic back by intuition. They make good guesses but get lost in their fictional world. INFP do the same but more toward people then things as INTP emotion isn't great and an INFPs logic isn't great. So both have a strong focus (rather emotional or logical) backed by an over all feel. Do any of you suffer from some sort of Insomnia? Both me and my girlfriend have a lack of sleep regularly! And not always in the good way :( ... gigity gigity
Privileged Information
3 years ago
As an INTP, I would say the perfect spouse would be a Diplomat (NF combination, and especially an extroverted one); someone to do the talking for me, and explain to me how these "feelings" work.
3 years ago
I'm INTP and I've been in a long-distance relationship with my girlfriend (ENFP) for four years! I think we get along really well with each other, and the nature of our long-distance relationship has always given me an amount of space when I needed it. I really like how my girlfriend is so enthusiastic/curious about me and the world around her. She's very devoted, and it's really wonderful and warming to be with her (though I do know that I have to work hard to keep her smiling!). I feel like I can really open up myself to her without being afraid of being judged for my awkwardness. The most troublesome thing for us so far is how different our friend circles are. My girlfriend collects very many friends of all sorts of different personalities, but I get very shy and self-conscious when I interact with them.
Your name: