INTP Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs – they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

From the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously – their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they’re involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early in the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs’ daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses – their partner may very much need these things, and it won’t even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others’ emotional needs.

INTP romantic relationships
When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners’ feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren’t meeting their partners’ emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level – if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal – to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs’ creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy – they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

My name
3 years ago
I can relate with you guys. When I try to have a conversation with someone I tend to come off as uninterested and abrupt. It doesn't help that I have a very sarcastic sense of humour which I use a lot. I'm pretty sure quite a few people, especially women, think I'm being serious all the time when in fact it's quite the opposite. Making crude/stupid remarks is just my way of conversing. I'm the guy that almost never initiates the conversation but will throw in a pun or oneliner now and then and maybe pick in on a topic here and there. It's better with friends or close family, people that know me well, because they can differentiate my deadpan bluntness from sheer ignorance. Sometimes, I have this image of myself in bird-eye view in my head during a conversation. I'm looking down on myself, as if my body goes through the motions of a conversation and my mind is just watching the conversation unfold like an objective observer. It's not that I don't notice emotions, I understand them, I know when I should have them, but either I don't feel anything or I automatically rationalize them and put them in perspective before they can get through. Yesterday my grandma died and when my dad called my to tell me the bad news. I felt nothing. Granted she had been terminally ill for quite a while, but when they first told me she had cancer it also left me nearly untouched. Same story when my cousin went into a coma last year. I feel almost equally alienated from myself as from other people, as weird as it sounds. I sympathize with them for showing the emotions that I am unable to express, and I understand how I must seem like an inconsiderate egotist from their point of view. And let me tell you, it is so damn frustrating to see this happen, because I seemingly have all the answers, yet I feel powerless and misunderstood.
Anonymous
3 years ago
I can relate, somewhat. I have strong emotions, but they irritate me. I usually rationalize myself out of them. Sadly, that often means that my emotional family gets away with stuff because I refuse to act out when I am angry, so they don't seem to take me seriously. Very annoying. And when my dad died, someone tried to pat my shoulder in sympathy and I literally jerked away and turned my back on them. I could not express or allow my emotions out. I was afraid they would overwhelm me, and I had to keep and iron grip on them. I never did cry, although I ended up having a week or so of panic attacks. well something like that. I'd be in public, no less, and all of a sudden could not breathe! No tears, and I analyzed the chemical and physical aspects of what was happening as it happened, forcing my physical body to calm down so it could overcome the chemical reaction going on, that sort of thing. But it was weird. never had that problem since. Like the bible says, "the heart (feelings) is deceitful above all things." Our emotions are certainly real, but often subjective to circumstances, chemicals, people, so we should not let them determine our actions.
1 year ago
I feel like you are me in a few years, plus I even wanted to know what losing a family member felt like. Even though I knew it was wrong I still wanted to know
Nard
3 years ago
As an INTP, I am soo geeking over this site. I want all my friends to take the test. The idea about having epiphanies. I just learned the origin of the term "Roughshod". Did you know that in the winter that horses were shod with the nails sticking out more for better traction on snow and ice, thus they were roughshod. Yes I have a Word Origins calendar. I love it.
Neco
3 years ago
This explains so much....my boyfriend dumped me for being cold and unreachable... I cried for three days...
Lieke
3 years ago
Hey people, I'm an INTP and today I told my crush that I like him, and unfortunately he doesn't reciprocate these feelings. In other words: I was rejected. And that's okay, logical as I am, I understand that love is nothing but a chemical reaction in your body and that it is possible your feelings are not reciprocated. And I am kind of proud that I told him, because well, I finally got out of my shell. But rejection does hurt of course. So my question is, how do you guys deal with rejection? On one hand, I really want to be alone and not talk to anyone and cry in a corner, but I know that that would be useless so instead I try to think positive (which in my case consists of googling facts about rejection and all that stuff...yeah I'm that pathetic, haha). You people must be familiar with the tendency to overthink everything, and I'm really afraid that will happen. So right now I've tried to do that by talking to people on social media and stuff, something that tires me out and helps me at the same time. Because on one hand, I don't need their pity, but on the other hand, I need a distraction and talking is a distraction. And I'm afraid I won't be able to kick my bad habits, such as looking at him all the time and most importantly, thinking about him all the time. How have you dealt with all this? Have you got tips for me?
Chris W
3 years ago
INTP here, going through the same thing recently. To keep things short, meditation has been (almost 2 years now) immensely helpful in letting me get in touch with my own emotions and experiencing them fully, balancing out my personality a bit more to the F side. If I have learnt anything, it's totally okay to cry. Rationalising emotions away might make things worse down the road. Perhaps just find a comfortable private space, and truly let yourself feel what sadness and rejection feels like, with curiosity and fascination? Overthinking happens sooo often for me as well in relationships. I learn to be more aware of my own thought processes, and when overthinking starts happening, I try to observe them non-judgementally and openly, without getting carried away. and when I am ready, bringing my attention gently back to the present. All the best to you
Marie
2 years ago
I was kind of rejected last week, I mean I was going out with some guy I was attracted to, and he suddenly cut it because "there was not enough attraction" as he said. We had no problems. I don`t know why he started the relationship if he wasn`t attracted to me. My first reaction was to cry, then calling or chatting with friends to console me. I got over it after some days, I messaged him that now I can see we didn`t have the same expectations. He reacted positively
An INTP
3 years ago
LOL Paulina! Had he known why you dated him, HE probably would have cut it off! The misunderstandings are simultaneously frustrating and hilarious. Mostly hilarious, though, and that says a lot about me, I guess.
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