INTP Relationships

When it comes to romantic relationships, INTPs have an interesting mixture of traits that often pleasantly surprise their partners. People with this personality type are always full of ideas, but they have few opportunities to explore their more romantic notions. As with any of their theories, INTPs love sharing with others, and in finally meeting someone where romantic thoughts are appropriate, they show themselves to be excited, enthusiastic, and even playful, flirting with word-play and intellectual games.

None of this is to say that these relationships come easily to INTPs – they are shy and withdrawn individuals, and getting out and meeting new people, risking rejection and making themselves the center of attention in emotionally delicate situations are far from being their strengths. It is more likely that INTP personalities will leave a trail of breadcrumbs for a potential partner, allowing them to make the first move and committing to their partner as an act of reciprocation rather than bravado.

Marry! A Good Wife Makes Happiness, A Bad One, Philosophy

From the start, INTPs take their relationships seriously – their imagination and vision, and the challenge of getting to know new people, make them all too aware of how important it is that they’re involved with someone, and they will prove themselves surprisingly loyal. Even early in the dating phase, INTPs are unusually direct and honest, doing their best to express their mindset and create mutual understanding, believing that this shared knowledge will help to minimize misunderstandings and avoid conflict.

As their relationships progress, INTPs’ daily needs prove remarkably simple. Gifts, surprises, complex social plans and date nights are all fairly unimportant to people with the INTP personality type, but this is also one of their chiefest weaknesses – their partner may very much need these things, and it won’t even occur to INTPs to plan them out. For all their analysis and attempts at mutual understanding, INTPs are notoriously bad at picking up on others’ emotional needs.

INTP romantic relationships
When it comes to conflict, there is a certain willful ignorance for INTPs, and they often set aside their partners’ feelings, and their own, for far too long.

When these conflicts do arise and are inescapable, INTPs will do their best to find a logical solution. But this hardly helps if the problem is logic itself, that INTP personalities aren’t meeting their partners’ emotional needs. INTPs should keep this in mind, and try to meet their partners halfway by communicating on an emotional level – if they make this effort, understanding partners will recognize and appreciate the gesture, clumsy though it may be. After all, they need to afford INTPs the same benefit, and meet them halfway with logic and simplicity as well.

Beware the Barrenness of a Busy Life

All this material asceticism and conflict avoidance support one primary goal – to free up mental resources for more important things. INTPs’ creative, vivid imagination make for a surprisingly enthusiastic, passionate, and romantic partner. While INTPs may prioritize their inner world too much, imagining interesting and exciting intimate situations that are never expressed to their partners, they also use this rich inner world to achieve as much as possible in intimacy – they rarely want for ideas.

Physically, intellectually and with a little effort emotionally, INTP relationships are rich and rewarding connections. Partners who share the Intuitive (N) trait are usually best, along with one or two opposite traits to create variety and balance, but so long as INTPs remember that they are with people who have their own, independent wants and needs, and so long as their partners remember the same of their INTPs, these are long-lasting and satisfying relationships.

3 years ago
I wouldn't say I'm emotionless, there are times where I'm quite moved by something or someone, but I rarely show it or try to hide it because I feel that I'm being ridiculousl or embarrass or just squishy gooey inside and it's the most odd, awkward, and confusing feeling and I don't know why, I prefer to contemplate on it alone in my thoughts, heck! Sometimes even alone I can't confess what I actually feel, I always thought that maybe I'm just not ment to feel and I'm not a nice person for it
3 years ago
It's same here no matter how much I want to just let out in the open I can't . I try so much but I just can't say it out loud to any one. I also feel like I am not worth the goodness I get . People don't really do anything to me but I just dislike them . This is so screwed up.
3 years ago
It's not that I'm emotionless, just that I feel awkward trying to express it in ways others want me to. To me, just being around them and sharing my ideas shows how much I think of them.
3 years ago
I have had a two long-term (>2yrs) relationships with INTP's and have one close friend of this type and do not find them simple or easy to please after the initial infatuation/excitement phase. After 6-9 months both of these INTP gentlemen slowly discontinued being open about their intent, thoughts or, if I may, feelings. It is as if, at some point, their desire to learn and grow in the relationship was exchanged for an increased awareness of potential conflict and, thus a decrease in the honesty of their expressions. Because their verbalizations are less frequent and one must patiently wait for a response that has value and integrity, it becomes disconcerting as I trie to determine if their response was to avoid disharmony and was worthy of further discussion or if I simply needed to trust their answer as real. More than any other type I have dated, each time their answer/discussion/response was inconsistent with their true experience, they detached a little from the relationship until it became meaningless for them. The painful and difficult thing is watching it happen. There as so many characteristics common to the INTP that I absolutely love. I adore bluntness and directness, I do not need typical expressions of romantic love. But being in a relationship and INTP can be challenging in the area of their apparent love/hate relationship with true intimacy.
3 years ago
I am an INTP and act this way to my sister. The reasons for doing so would obviously vary slightly from someone in a romantic relationship as opposed to a familial relationship, however, In hopes of aiding you with understanding the general reason (which may be untrue if it relates to a specific person's mentality) I shall continue. I began this systematic detachment of myself when I was continually placed under a perceived suffocating level of judgement and pressure to change who I am integrally. INTP's are great at social chameleoning but when a close loved one places pressure on you to constantly do so it becomes exhausting and you eventually develop a sense of apathy towards the way the other person perceives you leading to you saying things- sometimes hurtful- that you don't feel at all but you have given up caring because you believe the other no longer likes who you are.
3 years ago
Yeah, my husband used to cringe at my bluntness, or rudeness, as he called it, when we first got married. And now, I still frustrate him by guessing what he will say next if he pauses for a breath! haha. I just always think I know what he , or others, are trying to say. I am not always right however, and it Does frustrate him. It is something I am working on. My poor hubby, I drive him crazy. He is ISTJ, and a cop. heh heh.
3 years ago
Well surprisingly this says all that I am. I'm in a relationship now and I hope it goes all well because I am very blunt and do not sugarcoat things if I don't like something I will say it.
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