INTP Parents

In parenting roles, as with many social roles, INTPs find themselves facing a robust but healthy challenge. Not a naturally sensitive type, INTP personalities struggle to identify with the raw emotions and irrationality that are often the standard with young children, who have yet to develop the sort of self-control and logical thinking that INTPs take for granted.

People with the INTP personality type are nevertheless incredibly devoted – perhaps not in the traditional, emotionally supportive sense, but they are parents who are committed to encouraging their growing children to think and act independently, seek out new knowledge, and voice and defend their own opinions.

INTP parents

For INTPs knowledge is key, and they will do their best to give their children the tolerance and freedom necessary to acquire it. INTP parents take a relaxed, intellectual approach towards their children, allowing them to explore the world around them and overlooking the more minor offences along the way.

Having no interest in exerting control over other human beings, INTPs are likely to allow their children to form their own principles – though they may take the opportunity of the "why?" phase to share their own perspectives and ideas, just in case.

INTP personalities are not particularly demanding parents, at least not in the sense that they expect their children to live a traditional life of school/career/marriage/house/kids/retirement (and in that order, thank you very much). Rather, INTP parents are demanding in an intellectual sense – they want their children to ask if this path is the best path for them, and how to go about following a different one if they need to. This level of personal freedom can be daunting, and can take a long time to come to terms with, but INTP parents are prepared to stand by their children with support and advice for as long as they need.

While there is hardly a better parent for having rational, intelligent discussions with their children, there is hardly a clumsier example when it comes to providing the emotional support that many children need, especially as they approach their teenage years. In this area, INTPs will need to either rely on a more capable partner, or to take themselves far out of their comfort zone in order to empathize without trying to clear away the tears with an endless series of rational suggestions and blunt truths.

Not Just Life, but Good Life

INTPs want nothing more than for their children to grow up smart, independent, and tolerant, but if they want them to be well-adjusted too, they must make this effort. INTPs’ parenting style affords a great deal of latitude for their children, but with this freedom comes responsibility, and it is INTPs’ responsibility to ensure that it is used constructively. Though it’s a challenge for people with the INTP personality type to teach empathy alongside rationality, if they are able to pull it off, their children will grow into confident adults who know how to ask questions, use their minds, and take care of themselves no matter what comes their way.

4 years ago
Thank god I have 3 boys. They typically don't have the emotional outbursts girls usually have. If they do, I'm the voice of reason for them.
4 years ago
I think the word disdain is perfect. Ugh... relationships and emotions!
Tedi Nicole Thompson
4 years ago
This seems exactly like me
4 years ago
It isn't that we INTP's can't see emotions, it's just that we don't know what to do when someone is having one. Personally, I like to keep mine hidden in a little corner of my room so when someone is being emotional, I just don't know what to do. Sure, I know what emotion they're having and why they're probably having it, but I just don't know how to react.
4 years ago
When I was 10 years old, my dad asked me if I loved him. I said No. He thought I was an awful child for not loving his parents and he tried to make me feel guilty. He asked why, and I told him it was because I did not respect him. He asked me then if I loved my mother. I said "no". He asked why. I said I could not respect her illogical decision to stay married to him. Growing up, I felt very compelled to lie about emotions and feelings so I wouldn't hurt other peoples feelings and get into trouble. This was very exhausting and I never felt good about lying. It was stressful growing up. I always felt like I was not whole. I could see other people having emotional reactions and I always wanted to be able to feel what they felt. I felt like I was not experiencing life. It wasn't until I started playing WOW in my 20s that I realized something life altering. As in most character games, you have the ability to choose where your skill points go, agility, charisma, strength, wisdom, etc. You have to divide your skill points amongst those categories. If we could only do that in real life!!!!! I realized that we are all born with our skill points already in place. Parenting helps strengthen and weaken our skills. Being INTP, the majority of my skill points are in intellect, some in agility and strength and none in charisma. In my real life efforts to put more points in my charisma skill, I have depleted my strength(energy) points. It is so exhausting dealing with emotions. I would much rather not deal with emotions and conserve my strength to support my intellect, something I actually value.
3 years ago
Spot on, Megan! My husband and sons are super emotional, and I have explained to my husband that it's like an emotion bank. They are still spending all this emotional coin after I have already used mine up. On the rare occasion when I have strong emotions, I usually end up shutting down, literally, falling asleep! I guess because it overloads my system. Depleted energy points for sure! I agree with you, emotions ARE exhausting!
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