Building and maintaining friendships is a fundamental human need, yet many people struggle with how to make friends, especially in adulthood. This article will help you navigate the journey of making new friends in adulthood while building genuine, lasting connections.
What’s Coming Up
- Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends Today?
- 6 Tips for How to Make New Friends
- Where to Go to Make Friends
- What Not to Do When Trying to Make Friends
- Understanding Your Social Style: Friendship and Personality
- How to Make Friends: Taking Action
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Further Reading
Why Is It So Hard to Make Friends Today?
Remember when making friends was as simple as sharing your favorite crayon? Those good old days might feel like a distant memory now, replaced by a world where forming new bonds isn’t quite as easy as showing up to the same playground.
Modern life has transformed the way that we connect. Between endless work commitments, financial responsibilities, and the general chaos of adulting, finding time for a healthy social life might often fall to the bottom of our priority list.
And then there’s the digital elephant in the room: social media.
While we’re more “connected” than ever, scrolling through carefully curated highlights of others’ lives often leaves us feeling more isolated. We might have 500+ friends online, but the question of how to make real friends – the kind who show up with soup when you’re sick or laugh at your terrible jokes – remains surprisingly challenging.
But the biggest challenge might not even be digital at all. Rather, it’s the vulnerability that comes with seeking genuine connection in an increasingly fast-paced world.
Putting yourself out there can feel scary. The fear of rejection doesn’t magically disappear after childhood. Adults still worry about not fitting in, saying the wrong thing, or discovering that everyone already has their friendship circles locked down. (Spoiler alert: They don’t.)
The good news? While the challenges are real, they’re not insurmountable. In fact, a lot of people are in the same boat, hoping to connect. With that in mind, let’s explore some basic guidelines for how to make friends who truly get you.
Ready to uncover the truth about who you really are? Take our free personality test and gain deep insights into your strengths, challenges, and more in just 10 minutes.
6 Tips for How to Make New Friends
Let’s be real: Making friends isn’t about following some perfect formula. But after navigating countless social situations – both the wins and the cringeworthy moments – here’s what we think really makes a difference.
Tip #1: Be Genuinely Curious
We’ve all sat through those painful conversations that never get past the “So… What do you do?” question. Small talk like this tends to get old fast for all parties involved.
Instead of sticking to the usual script of work and weather, try showing real curiosity about what makes someone tick. Ask about the book that they’re reading, their hot take on that new restaurant, or their most embarrassing karaoke song.
When you show genuine interest in someone’s quirks and passions – not just their job title – you’ll be amazed at how conversations naturally flow.
Tip #2: Listen Like You Mean It
Ever caught yourself nodding along while your mind wanders to your weekend plans? We all have. But genuine listening – the kind where you’re really tuned in rather than just waiting for your turn to talk – is rare enough to be memorable.
Put the phone away (yes, face down counts as away), and try actually being present. Nothing says “I value you” quite like genuine attention – and that’s often where real friendship begins.
Tip #3: Strike While the Connection Is Hot
Remember that cool person you had an amazing conversation with and then never saw again?
Don’t let potential new friendships as an adult end up in the “That was fun – we should do it again sometime” graveyard. Send a text within a couple of days mentioning something specific that you talked about.
When it comes to making new friends in adulthood, these small moments of follow-through really make a difference.
Tip #4: Take the Lead
Here’s what nobody tells you about how to make friends: Waiting for others to make plans is a recipe for staying home alone.
While it’s true that suggesting specific activities might feel more vulnerable than a vague “Let’s get together soon,” taking the initiative to make plans is truly your ticket to turning acquaintances into friends.
Plus, being the planner means that you get to choose activities that you genuinely enjoy!
Tip #5: Be Reliable and Consistent
What’s the best way to meet people and keep them in your life? Being the person who actually shows up when they say they will – and who shows up fully present – makes you someone others want to keep around.
Life happens, and sometimes plans need to change, but developing a reputation for reliability creates the foundation for lasting friendships.
At the end of the day, we all want good friends we can count on.
Tip #6: Keep It Light (but Keep It Real)
When learning how to meet people, remember this truth: Authentic optimism draws others in, while constant negativity pushes them away.
This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t share the challenges that you’ve been through in your life. Being honest and vulnerable can help facilitate stronger bonds. However, your approach to sharing hardships matters.
Instead of getting stuck in complaint mode when you share tough experiences, talk about what you’re learning, what’s helping you cope, and how you’re growing through difficult times. This kind of resilient honesty shows potential friends that you’re both authentic and inspiring.
Where to Go to Make Friends
In addition to the guidelines mentioned above, learning how to make friends often comes down to putting yourself in the right places. This is especially true if you’re trying to meet new people in a new city or town.
The secret is finding spaces where conversation flows naturally because you already have shared interests.
All of the spots below are great places to meet friends, since they provide natural opportunities for you to spend time with people who share your interests and are looking to connect:
- Sports leagues and fitness classes
- Volunteer organizations
- Religious or spiritual communities
- Hobby-based groups
- Professional networking events
- Social media groups that meet in person
The beauty of this list? You can choose what resonates with you.
Not religious? Maybe a yoga class would help you connect with others who are also interested in mindfulness.
Prefer staying active? A local running group might be your path to friendship.
When you need new friends, the goal isn’t to try everything. Instead, find the spaces in your local community where you feel most comfortable being yourself.
What Not to Do When Trying to Make Friends
When you’re figuring out how to make friends, sometimes knowing what not to do is just as valuable as knowing what to do. And while there’s no perfect formula for friendship, there are five common mistakes that you should avoid, as they can get in the way of making friends who truly get you:
- Don’t force connections: When you’re eager to make new friends, it’s tempting to try to fast-track relationships. But sometimes as you get to know someone, you might realize that the connection isn’t quite right. Not every interaction needs to become a deep friendship. Pay attention to how you feel around that person, and remember, they’re doing the same with you. The best connections are the ones that feel natural for both parties involved.
- Don’t overshare too early: While vulnerability helps build real friendships, sharing your deepest secrets or personal struggles too soon can sometimes overwhelm new connections. The strongest friendships develop layer by layer. Give new connections room to grow naturally, letting trust and comfort build with each interaction.
- Don’t be flaky: Struggles to make friends often stem from inconsistent communication. Life happens – sometimes you need to take a rain check. But constantly canceling plans sends a clear message about where someone ranks in your priorities. If you need to cancel, do it as early as possible with a simple explanation. Better yet, suggest a specific time to reschedule. Consistently flaking out is a fast track to friendship failure.
- Don’t ghost potential connections: If being flaky is bad, disappearing completely is even worse. When you ghost someone, you’re basically saying their time and feelings aren’t worth a simple message. We get it – sometimes you’re not feeling the friendship or life gets overwhelming – but ghosting just isn’t very nice. Remember that the person on the other end is likely also trying to make new connections and deserves basic courtesy.
- Don’t compare your social life to other social lives: Everyone’s path to friendship looks different. Focus on building connections that feel authentic to you, rather than measuring your social life against others. This is where understanding your personality type comes in handy – because different types of people sometimes approach friendship in very different ways.
Understanding Your Social Style: Friendship and Personality
While some aspects of making friends are universal – like the need for trust and genuine connection – how we get there can look very different from person to person. Some people thrive in large social gatherings, while others prefer intimate coffee dates. Some need daily social interaction to feel energized, while others require more alone time to recharge.
When learning how to make friends, there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. And that’s actually great news.
Let’s explore how different personality traits can shape making friends in adulthood.
Finding Your Social Rhythm: The Introvert-Extravert Dynamic
Take Introverts and Extraverts, for example. Introverts typically build their strongest connections in quieter, more intimate settings. Extraverts, on the other hand, often thrive at large gatherings, finding friends through spontaneous conversations and group activities.
Neither approach is better! They’re just different paths to finding meaningful friendships.
Building Bonds Your Way: The Thinking-Feeling Factor
Everyone processes emotions differently, as we can see in the distinction between Thinking and Feeling personality types. Thinking types might show friendship through acts of practical support or by engaging in shared interests, while Feeling types often express connection through emotional validation and heart-to-heart conversations.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that Thinking types don’t experience deep emotions or that Feeling types can’t be practical. It’s simply about recognizing and appreciating that people naturally approach friendship and express care in different ways.
Confidence and Caution: The Assertive-Turbulent Balance
The difference between the Assertive and Turbulent personality traits can also significantly impact how we approach making friends.
Turbulent types often bring thoughtfulness to new relationships, taking time to consider social interactions carefully – though sometimes this self-reflection can turn into self-doubt and social anxiety.
On the other hand, Assertive types typically approach new friendships with more immediate confidence, which can help them fearlessly forge new bonds and not take bad experiences too personally.
These are just a few examples of how personality shapes our friendship styles. There are several other important dimensions that we haven’t even touched on, like how we process information or structure our social lives.
Understanding these differences helps explain why some popular advice about how to make friends might work great for some people but feel completely wrong for others. The key to success is finding friendship strategies that align with your natural tendencies while gently stretching your comfort zone when it serves your best interests.
How to Make Friends: Taking Action
We’ve covered universal strategies for making friends – from showing genuine curiosity to being reliable. These methods are invaluable when it comes to learning how to find friends, but the most effective approach will combine these universal principles with personal insight.
Understanding your personality type can transform how you approach making new friends, helping you choose strategies that work with your natural tendencies rather than against them.
Curious about your personality type? Explore 16Personalities further and take our free personality test to unlock the insights that can make your friendship journey easier and more authentic.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the best way to make a friend?
The best way to make a friend is to be genuinely curious about others, listen attentively, follow up promptly when you connect with someone, take initiative in suggesting specific activities, and be reliable. Focus on finding spaces where you naturally share interests with others, which creates opportunities for authentic connections to develop.
Why do I still have no friends?
If you still have no friends, it might be due to universal challenges like busy schedules, digital connections replacing in-person interactions, fear of vulnerability, or approaching friendship in ways that don’t align with your personality type.
Many adults struggle with friendship, but that doesn’t mean that you cannot find friends. Focus on understanding your natural social style and placing yourself in environments where meaningful connections can naturally develop.
How do I make friends in a new city?
Make friends in a new city by joining groups based on your interests, becoming a regular at local spots, attending community events, and being consistent about showing up. Take initiative to suggest specific plans when you meet someone interesting, follow up within a few days, and be patient, as meaningful connections take time to develop.